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AIBU?

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Don’t want to live with DM anymore

3 replies

FelonyMelony · 13/10/2023 22:16

Myself and DCs were staying with my parents for what was intended to be a short time after leaving my abusive ex. DF was helping me to sort out somewhere for me and DC to live - he was going to be my guarantor due to Ex having financially abused me and wrecking my credit.
A few months in, DF died very suddenly. DM leaned on me heavily to get everything sorted, stating that she didn’t want the responsibility.
A year after DF’s death, I spoke to DM about myself and DC moving. She became very upset, saying that she didn’t want to live alone, and subsequently decided that she wanted to move, too. Eventually, out of guilt, I agreed to us all moving to a new house together. We had a couple of properties fall through, but eventually moved a year later. DM took the decision to put the new house in my name. I have since invested a lot of time and a significant amount of money into the house making improvements and repairs, and the house value has increased by around £150k.
Two more years down the line - I need out. DM is difficult to live with and my kids hate it. How do I tell her, and what should I reasonably expect to keep / give back from the sale of the house?

OP posts:
Chowtime · 13/10/2023 22:21

You could tell her when the kids are in school one day, when you've got peace and quiet.

If she paid for the house, I'm not sure you should keep anything from it to be honest. You've maintained it sure but you would have had to do that anyway. Plus, if the house hadn't been brought for you you'd have had to pay rent so I'd look upon the fact you've lived rent free for 3 years as payback for what you've spent on repairs.

AndSoFinally · 13/10/2023 22:46

If it's increased by a £150k, what is it worth now, and how much of that is equity?

theduchessofspork · 13/10/2023 22:55

Don’t talk to her till you’ve worked out a plan so you are both housed - else she will freak out and that’s another thing for you manage.

Get a couple estate agents round to work out how much of the rise in value is just because and how much is due to the improvements you paid for. It’s probably mostly the former.

You have to secure her housing - it was your choice to throw your lot in with her (which was crazy) and now you have changed your mind the onus is on you.

These things happen etc, because it is a mess you have created, so reassure her what she can afford, what you can afford, and how much contact you will have with her (along with other people she may have).

However, she doesn’t have a license to cling to you for ever, so try and steer a move where she can build her life up.

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