Sorry this is my first post here so please bare with me....for context I have been with my partner approaching 8years, we have 1 ds together who is 3.
My partner never wanted children, we unexpectedly feel pregnant and it just wasn't the right time for either of us so had an aboration, it was horrendous and I vowed never to go this again. Fast forward 3 years, a medication I was taking changed and my pill wasn't effective...my son was conceived and his words " I seen what it done to you last time I won't ask you to go through that agin" the pregnancy was awful and the birth due to lots of complications. My son had numerous issues the first year of life but has outgrown these.
He is a typical energetic 3year old now, that granted doesn't listen first time etc.
My issue is its 6.30 in the evening and I am yet again doing bedtime because in dp eyes " he just doesn't settle for me"
I am fed up of the arguments...he'll stroll in at 6pm and moan that he's been in 30 minutes and I've not moved etc
I solely do everything for my son, everything that needs doing, nursery drop/pick up, cover all holidays, arrange babysitters l, sort birthday/ Xmas or day to say needs...he has zero responsibility.
I admit my alcohol consumption has increased over the last year, but I feel this is just to be able to tolerate him...whe he is out I do not drink at all. I rarely drink to the point I am drunk, and if I do my son is not home that evening.
My issue is I am fed up of having it chucked in my I'm a bad mum ir the famous " and you want another one, not with me you aint" over stupid things such as I haven't moved when ds has asked for a drink ( because he drinks like a gold fish and had one 30 seconds prior) I know he does not want another child and he constantly blames everything on well that's what happens when you have a kid...I hands up haven't fully excepted and dealt with this but I know deep down it won't happen again... but do I really need it chucked in my face every evening when it is clearly something I want very much.
I just feel like he is cruel to do so and noes how much it hurts me but like he gets some sort of kick out of it.
I constantly get told my wrong doings for my.son, ie I spoil him - we go to softplay once a week on our day together which I pay for.
I put him to bed to early and he doesn't see him but then moans constantly about mess or him playing up...he now goes to bed at 6.30 because he no longer naps and can become very tired/ naughty in the afternoon due to not getting enough sleep.
He ends up in my bed every evening...he had a very difficult start in life and numerous issues which meant due to shear lack of sleep on my part it was easier to hold him upright in bed and then have him near.
Sorry if I've rambled, I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I'm so fed up of it being totally one sided and feel so alone.