Asking because I often feel like I'm at the end of my tether and I need him to do a bit more to help, but equally aware he has a massive amount on his plate too, so not sure if I'm being unreasonable.
He works full time, standard office hours. We have a big home renovation going on (uninhabitable so we live 10mins away, probably a year left til it's done). He is project managing, bringing in various trades and doing a lot of the manual labour himself (bricklaying, pointing, demolishing, labouring - highly skilled stuff like plumbing, electrics, carpentry etc. we have trades for, whom he is sourcing and managing). Until recently he had about 4 months of shared parental leave, so he was there most days including weekends. Now he's back at work full time, so it's weekends only. He might have 1 weekend day off per month.
We have 2 children, toddler age and when he's home he's very hands on. He'll do bath times, we both do bedtime routine together, he'll take them to the park if he's home early, etc.
I work from home about 20hrs a week and it's very flexible (as long as it's done, it doesn't matter when I do it, although there is something to be done every weekday), so we don't have childcare. I look after them all day, everday (in laws have the older one about once a week, but youngest is still breastfed, so she stays with me). They have clubs 3x per week, so I do all those, try to do other nice stuff with them on other mornings like soft play, coffee shops, parks, feeding ducks etc. I then try to get an hour or so of work done in the afternoon whilst youngest sleeps and eldest watches tv, then maybe another hour once fiance gets home.
We have a cleaner, but I do most washing (he does some, but 80:20 split probably and there's a lot, as we use reusable nappies), tidying, putting clothes away. I also do all food planning and buying, buying clothes, planning christmas and birthdays including gifts for both families, etc. Basically all the household planning stuff that doesn't get 'seen'.
In the evening, I do all cooking, but he does all washing up. Then we put the kids to bed together. Then I usually spend the rest of the evening finishing my work or planning stuff for the renovation. He is doing all the manual stuff at the house, but I'm keeping track of receipts, purchasing and taking delivery of everything (so occasionally have to be on site for that, now that he's back at work). Planning kitchen and bathrooms (there are 5, so not a small task!), researching and sourcing flooring, sanitary ware, radiators, lighting, deciding on paint, wallpaper etc. Finding kitchen and window and door suppliers (lots of showroom visits, mostly local, but some have been up to 3hrs away). So, if I'm not working then I've got plenty to do until bedtime. I never have nothing to do.
In the evening, once the kids are in bed, he usually watches TV for a few hours.
So, am I being unreasonable to ask him to do something in the evening to try to lighten my load a little? Or between full time work and the house renovation, is he doing enough and deserves a break? But, if the latter, where is my break?