To expect my 8 year old to complete his spellings?

[NegativeCreeep]

Please bear with me; I had a very difficult childhood with an emotionally immature single parent who was incredibly strict about school work (biological father moved abroad). I was always very self-motivated when it came to homework (through fear?) and ended up at Oxbridge (not a stealth brag…I was desperate to study elsewhere, but not given the choice). I feel I now have a warped perception / expectation regarding my children’s schoolwork (flitting between expecting a lot & not wanting to pressurise them). I am in therapy to try and ensure history does not repeat itself (the baby / toddler days were ruined for me as I felt such a pressure to “teach” my children).

For full disclosure, my children attend a private school. DD (10) is bright, but has severe dyslexia and struggles with conventional examination methods and scores relatively low on school assessments. DS (8) is very academic, always scoring way above average on school assessments. Neither care about homework and I constantly have to cajole them into doing bigger assignments (e.g. long maths sheets, posters etc).

Spellings have been a consistent weekly feature since they started Reception; they each have a desk where everything is laid out and I ask them to do their Look, Cover, Write in the morning. DS always wakes about 6am, so has ample time to do this. Some weeks he will, and others, like this week, he simply hasn’t bothered.

Every Friday this term, he has remembered - completely unprompted - to take his football cards in for trading club, so if it’s something he wants to do, he’ll remember.

He argues every time I say he has to do TTRS or the aforementioned bigger assignments. It is SO draining.

AIBU to expect that he should just crack on with his spellings without me telling him each day?

I let him take them in today incomplete as I feel he does need to take some responsibility.

He's 8. Of course he doesn't want to do spellings. Completely normal

We have similar. TTRS and spelling. Other homework eg posters have been scrapped. Last year no amount of nagging would get my daughter to do spelling. I asked her if she was happy to get less than 5 out of 10 every week. And she said yes she was fine with that. We didn’t do TTRS once all year. I just let it go. This year she’s on it with TTRS and in the space of 4 weeks has gone from not knowing any 6,7,8,9s to nailing them all.

when they’re ready to want to try they will in my opinion. At 8 I wouldn’t stress yourself or themselves about it. Homework in primary isn’t important if your child isn’t behind.

@KarmenPQZ thank you did sharing your experience. Were the school OK with this? I think that’s my worry. Their homework is not optional…it’s compulsory. They could see my daughter was struggling with TTRS, so have stopped her this year. Son is entirely capable, just doesn’t want to

What’s TTRS?

I have a seven year old and there is no way she’d be motivated to do spellings on her own. I play spelling games from Five Minute Mum with her and she’s doing really well.

I think there are probably more 8 year olds that need to be nagged to do spellings then who do them with no prompting.

I definitely need to nag my 7 year old and we only practise once or twice a week not every day.

Times tables rock stars - it's like a video game to practise times tables (DS will do that one unprompted!)

I think cajoling is the problem. I set expectations and there is no wriggle room. My approach to my children is I'm not going to nag you but I expect you to do your homework, to the best of your ability, before any other activity. In this case, i wouldnt be giving him the cards to take in unless he had done the homework.

There is a knack to finding the right time of the day/week for it. If DS likes morning work, roll with it. If he does them all week he can take his cards in. If not, tough.

I think you need to accept your role as a parent here. It's all very well saying let him go in without them finished, but he is the one missing out. He doesnt understand responsibility at 8, that's why kids cant adopt pets and need parental consent for piercings and medical decisions. They simply dont have capacity. It's annoying to nag them but that's your job a a parent.

Thank you for other perspectives, I find it really useful, as like I said, my own thoughts around the subject of learning are so skewed.

I will work on strategies with him; I have been very clear with my expectations and it does grate that he can easily remember the good things, but had zero regard for actually putting effort in, and I worry for his future. I’ve got to separate all this out and just focus on the short term.