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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a babysitter

16 replies

Ottiliesmum · 13/10/2023 02:01

First time poster. Baby is 3 months old and breastfed. I am early 30’s. I’m very grateful that immediate family would like to babysit our child (on partners side as my mum and dad both died young) but with her being breastfed it would be racking up a stash of milk (which will take a good week or so and that’s depending on whether I need to pump to give it her when she’s being fussy on the boob! And once we are out and about together I would be so full of milk and ultimately uncomfortable. (Don’t fancy pumping in a restaurant toilet). Some of his family members make me feel guilty for not letting them have the baby but it is just such a faff and I know it won’t be forever. Am I the unreasonable one?

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 13/10/2023 02:03

YANBU. 3 months is tiny. Tell them it will be at at least 6 months when baby can last longer between feeds/drink from a sippy cup before they can babysit.

Birch101 · 13/10/2023 02:20

Nope not unreasonable. Baby is still very young. You are little ones safe space. Welcome them round and say once little one has had a feed and not sleeping they are welcome to hold, play, dote on whilst you have a bath upstairs or do some life admin etc
Pumping/bottles and feeding is what works for you not them.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 13/10/2023 02:24

I'm sure they can wait until your little poppet is a bit older and not as reliant on mummy feeding her.
Stick to your guns, she's your baby, she is not a toy to be passed around all of her relatives!!
They can visit, and help you out.

BurbageBrook · 13/10/2023 03:04

It's perfectly natural for a mother to want to be with her baby. How on Earth could that be selfish? It's best for baby and it's your preference. YANBU - they're the ones being selfish.

Sugargliderwombat · 13/10/2023 03:46

So baffled that anyone would vote yabu on this!

They should be the ones feeling guilty for putting this pressure on you, get your OH to say it is far too early but you will let them know when you need babysitters.

It's not about them and what they want.

Goldbar · 13/10/2023 04:12

No. It should be whatever you're comfortable with. After 6 months it will be much less of a fuss for you and you might feel more comfortable leaving her. My DC2 refused to take a bottle which made leaving them for any length of time difficult when they were tiny. Now they can drink milk from a sippy cup and have water and food, it's a lot easier. His family can wait.

Cowlover89 · 13/10/2023 04:25

YANBU X

Original poster
Ottiliesmum · 13/10/2023 04:32

I always say this, I just want her to be happy annd settled and if that means not everyone gets to hold her then so be it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ottiliesmum · 13/10/2023 04:33

Thank you, I wouldn’t enjoy being away from her for any length of time anyway so the whole faff would be pointless xx

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 13/10/2023 04:41

Your baby gets far more than milk when you feed her.
Don't have others feeding her if you don't want to manage that.
Do invite the relatives over and let them hold her when she and you are happy, without the feeding interaction.

They could take her for a walk in the pram for half an hour.
Hold her while you eat at the table. There are all sorts of times when you and the relatives will feel that it is helpful and appropriate.

Decafcaramellatte · 13/10/2023 04:49

Put in a firm but kind boundary and just repeat it "it's too soon for babysitting right now, happy to go for a walk together or you to meet for coffee but no babysitting needed, she's fully breastfed and that's the priority currently" or words like that, if you make it clear and consistent then everyone gets the same message and it's not another responsibility for you to deal with their feelings on baby sitting. I speak from bitter experience!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 13/10/2023 04:57

Are they wanting to babysit or just hold the baby?

ImustLearn2Cook · 13/10/2023 05:01

YADNBU You are being completely normal. They are not.

Stand your ground. Some people get this weird attitude that new parents don’t know anything and therefore think that they can tell you what to do and how to do it and overstep boundaries.

That does get less over time as you grow more confident and parent the way you want to parent. People eventually back off.

And I totally get why it’s more trouble than it’s worth to express then bottle feed. For me it took ages to express a decent amount of breastmilk. Then my baby completely rejected the bottle her dad tried to feed her with. So much easier to just breastfeed.

PurBal · 13/10/2023 05:07

Yanbu. No one other than DH looked after DS1 until he started on solids. DS2 is 4mo, I’m not thinking of leaving him anytime soon.

RedSuedePump · 13/10/2023 06:27

oh god what it is with these in laws who want to get their hands on babies alone at the earliest opportunity. just say “no thank you, i don’t want to do that so please stop asking. we will let you know if and when the time comes when we are ready to leave the baby.”

Olika · 13/10/2023 07:32

RedSuedePump · 13/10/2023 06:27

oh god what it is with these in laws who want to get their hands on babies alone at the earliest opportunity. just say “no thank you, i don’t want to do that so please stop asking. we will let you know if and when the time comes when we are ready to leave the baby.”

Exactly.

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