Hidden disabilities

[Theemeperorsnewclothes]

Am I being unreasonable to think that hidden disabilities are still ignored or not supported in the workplace or by the wider public?

In fact, there is often a collective misgiving to any hidden disability, despite a clinical diagnosis and clear medical background reports to support hidden disabilities.

I have heard team members/friends etc… ‘poo poo’ a diagnosis of other colleagues or friends conditions, just because they don’t think it’s ‘real’

I find that frustrating, as surely no one makes this up!, how could they make it up?

Not all disabilities are visible - some are not obvious and can make everyday life demanding for so many people.

In the UK, 1 in 5 people have a disability, 80 per cent of which have a hidden disability.
Hidden disabilities are a wide range of physical and mental conditions that are not visible or immediately obvious. They can range from a speech impediment, reduced sight, bipolar, chronic fatigue syndrome, colitis, autism, depression, and there are many others.

I find it sad that so many people are struggling (from my own experience, a lot of women) and not only, not getting the support they need, being gaslighted, and (behind their backs) ridiculed by colleagues/‘friends’/acquaintances ☹️. I see and hear it happening so often now, I wonder if it’s just the norm with unkind people who can’t empathise or sympathise, or am I missing something.

Nope, you’re not missing anything. If you don’t look disabled then people really do quite often imply you’re swinging the lead… which doesn’t help if you have a disability that makes you question its existence some days!

It’s horrendously difficult and often humiliating, and if I’m honest I’m not actually sure that it makes much difference if there is a visible aspect to your disability. Just generally the world isn’t set up for anyone ‘different’ :(

YANBU.
Even some Drs aren’t especially sympathetic. There are times I’d rather something really wrong with me because I looked perfectly fit and able but I just get no understanding.

My experience working in HR is it did improve for awhile but it is now going backwards. The lack of understanding is generally that the workforce is usually kept to bare minimum so any adjustment impact other workers purely because of lack of staffing. There is also an imbalance in age that the younger generation are more likely to be diagnosed and rightly know what makes their life easier. This can bring with it some resentment. But again this is due to staffing numbers.

Sorry to hear you are struggling and thank you for your replies. I researched a bit further to try and understand why some people can’t understand that even if someone isn’t visibly impaired, they could still be physically/mentally impaired. The attitude of some people around me, makes me question humanity. I don’t understand it. This is what made some sense,

“For many people they feel that the foremost discrimination anyone faces is to be disbelieved. Hidden disabilities can also cause difficulties because of the attitude of others due to fear or ignorance as people fear what they do not know or understand or what they can not see.”

Sad really ☹️

@Erivo very good point, it’s often not about the individual or their well-being or even not being believed, it’s about the corporate needs.

I have Ulcerative colitis and depression.
I've had both for most of my life. Thankfully, I now have a card that shows I need the loo. As I don't really look ill or disabled enough to warrant the use of disabled facilities.

Thankfully I work for my local council where hidden disabilities are taken very seriously and accommodated as much as possible.

Anyone voicing any disbelief or untoward opinions of other's disabilities would be in serious trouble.

@funbags3 glad to hear you have some support now, sorry to hear you’ve struggled for so long.

@WhateverMate that’s reassuring to hear.

The lack of awareness and accommodation of hidden disabilities is awful. So's the lack of accommodation of visible disabilities. I should know, I have 7 hidden disabilities and 2 that cause me to use a wheelchair/ have visible neurological issues. I actually find it harder to get things made accessible for the wheelchair part. Even though people can see it, the impact of things not being accessible are often things I can't mitigate myself. e.g. environment is too loud for my autistic brain, I can wear ear defenders. No ramp to get in - nothing I can do about it. I also have problems with people understanding what "wheelchair accessible" actually means - I've taken to saying "step-free access", due to the number of times I've been told "oh it's on the ground floor" only to find steps.

Having hidden disabilities can be really hard to deal with, especially when people don't believe you. But some people also don't believe I need my wheelchair. The problem with these types of threads is that someone invariably says "well you wouldn't deny a ramp to a wheelchair user so you shouldn't deny accommodations for xyz hidden disability". Except that's not true, because wheelchair users are denied access and discriminated against all the time. I don't necessarily think it's helpful to pit one type of disability against another; we all need things to be made accessible to us and for attitudes to improve.

Yanbu.
I see this every day, both with myself and my daughter.
I have fibromyaglia, hypothyroidism, a large hernia, now possible diabetes and perimenopause.
My daughter has learning disabilities and autism.
But of course we both look fine.
No one gets that stress tends to spark my flare ups and fatigue sometimes is so bad I can't make it out of bed.
They assume I'm just lazy. Before this illness I was on the go all the time, working, keeping a house running, enjoying life. Now I can't work, doing the housework takes me most of the day because I have to keep resting. It's soul destroying, it makes you feel depressed.

@drawingmaps you are so right. It should not be one vs the other. It seems to me that it is society that disables people, and society needs to catch up.

Yep. Hashimotos, neutropenic, hidradenitis supprativa, chronic urticaria...

Yep. My own siblings are convinced I'm lazy, scamming & not trying hard enough. It's unclear why they think I've chosen to live in chaos and poverty - they must think I'm really bad at scamming & shirking!

It's proving near impossible to get the help I need, too. Despite improved wording, the 'needs' questionnaires are all geared to a list of narrowly-defined, continuous physical incapacities.

@Familyiness I see you and I hear your worries. They are valid and so are you. Have you explored all the help that you should get? Speak to Citizens Advice to make sure you and your daughter are getting all the support you are entitled to.

I completely agree. DH had a relative with bi polar/depression. She came to a family BBQ and was sat being chatty. When she left some of the in laws sat and ripped her to shreds about how she couldn't possibly be depressed because she wouldn't have sat there laughing and chatting and bipolar is just attention seeking.
She committed suicide not long after, in the most horrific way. I'll never forget it.
The same people roll their eyes at anybody saying they are in chronic pain or have anything that can't be seen. It's the reason I will never tell them if I have a medical problem. They are very much 'its all bullshit, just get on with it' people.

Sorry to hear that @GarlicGrace, you sound like you need to go to Citizens Advice/Job Centre for more help. Don’t try to do it alone if you are struggling.

I have adhd diagnosed and heavily medicated yet by reading the threads on here I'm just a knobhead drug addict apparently

I have a sleep disorder which causes me to be chronically fatigued due to interrupted sleep cycles. I was on a training course the other day and during the powerpoint there was a slide that very explicitly said "the responsibility to ensure you are fit to drive is on you", yet when I've declared my health status and how it impacts my cognitive function/reaction times, etc, it's being purposely ignored as it would mean I would have to be redeployed into another role. Oh, and my whole employment is on the line if I take any more sick leave due to their lack of support!

@Fionaville that is a really insightful perspective, but a very sad situation for you. Thank you for sharing that. These are the worries that go through my head when people are so unkind to others, and deny they have a medical issue/are struggling- just because they say so. They often won’t accept the person has had medical advice. They also ‘recruit’, be it in friendship groups or work to deny that person’s diagnosis. I mean, wtf! Find a better outlet. These are the sad and serious consequences 😡

@Theemeperorsnewclothes no but I've done a lot of research on my own. Daughter has an ehcp and is getting the support she needs, plus she has me fighting her corner.
I'm afraid, I'm the kind of person that helps everyone else before thinking of my own issues.
I also have my husband off work, he has had an operation on his knee, Been off since Jan, so there's a bit of stress there. We had to apply for UC and we are currently not sure he will be able to return to work, as his knee doesn't seem to be getting any better.

@Familyiness that is very admirable of you to think of others, but you must think of yourself and your family. I have made an assumption that you are in England, if not this number can signpost you. Please call.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

I have bipolar II, OCD, SAD, GAD, PCOS and migraines with aura (lose feeling in limbs on one side and speech affected). I don't disclose at work at all after being directly discriminated against several years ago.

I work remotely and don't mind telling my manager that I'm going to bed for an hour and will make up the time for a migraine, but could never disclose mental health stuff again.

I just work through symptoms.

Also, I haven't told the majority of friends my diagnosis. If I say I'm 'not in the mood' for something they tell me I 'need to drag myself out' so I just say I'm working (usually true) which they accept.

Also scored 0 points when I applied for PIP in 2020 despite years of medical evidence.

There is institutional disability discrimination which is at epidemic proportions. My battle with Access to work has been ridiculous. I have an appeal in, and that comes after a 6 month wait just for an appointment with an assessor. They don't disbelieve that I have many serious conditions and many staff have commented that they are surprised I even try to work. However, the system is set up to make applicants fail, and staff don't even follow their own decision making handbook. This is just one example.