Ex negotiated seven years to pay maintenance arrears

Idontbelievethis23 · 2023-10-12T20:30:54+00:00

Name changed. Am so, so sad for my children. Ex had been paying nothing though I knew he was working (I gave all info I had to CMS), it’s taken a year but Child Maintenance Service has finally had confirmation from tax office of what ex earns and the arrears are thousands…yet speaking to CMS today they confirm he telephoned them and successfully negotiated a much smaller payback amount than they had assessed (would have taken two years) and he is now allowed to pay arrears at a figure that will take seven years to pay off. AIBU to think this is disgraceful, that with inflation the amount he pays per month towards the end of those seven years will be worth less than it’s value now, and there should be repercussions for hiding wages from a government agency. He pretends to the world he is the most loving parent, and I’m crying worrying about school shoes and winter coats. Feel sick.

PosterBoy · 12/10/2023 21:33

He is disgusting and I am sorry.

We really could and should do much better to get money out of these pricks

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/10/2023 21:35

That’s shocking. Does he see them? Is he paying the proper monthly amount plus the smaller than it should be arrears amount?

napody · 12/10/2023 21:36

Awful. It should be that this ruins these men's credit ratings- there are no repercussions at all.

Lizzt2007 · 12/10/2023 21:37

Presumably the arrears will be payable on top of now ongoing maintenance? So although it's shit that it will take so long, you will be receiving regular payment plus an amount for arrears. So from previously receiving nothing you are going to be better off than you were.

Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:38

@AnneLovesGilbert hes never paid a penny. Going forward it should be the monthly figure assessed on his earnings plus extra for the arrears amount; I have a feeling he may just quit working and try and get another job where it takes the CMS 10-11 months to get tax office figures like it has this time.

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Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:42

@Lizzt2007 yes, it just makes me so sad that my children has a parent who chooses to withhold financial support for them whilst pretending they are adored. I work full time, my children are everything to me and I count every penny to provide the best I can. It all seems so unfair.

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Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:43

Affecting credit rating would be good idea.

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Birchvalley · 12/10/2023 21:45

My ex will be paying arrears until my daughter is 25! She needs the money now - not when she’s left home. There should be a cap on the time for arrears: until they’re 18.

Scrapper142 · 12/10/2023 21:55

CMS should be part of the Inland Revenue, with same powers and chase payments as agressively. Fines for mispayments.
Yes to affecting credit rating, take their driving licence and passports too.

Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:56

@Birchvalley I’m sorry this is happening to your daughter too. I feel if I try going to my MP they won’t be interested, it just seems accepted, yet I find it grotesque.

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Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:58

@Scrapper142 I think they are a lot stricter in some States in the US, driving license revoking would be good. I wonder why it’s acceptable here…harks back to Thatcher demonising single Mums maybe. We should rise up, but how???

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Redlarge · 12/10/2023 22:01

Mine owes 10k plus. He negotiated to pay it back at £25 a month, earns £50k, due to cost of living crisis. Clearly the cost of living crisis doesn't effect the kids. My oldest will be 45 when he pays it off.and that's if he starts paying monthly from now which he has never done.

Redlarge · 12/10/2023 22:01

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:56

@Birchvalley I’m sorry this is happening to your daughter too. I feel if I try going to my MP they won’t be interested, it just seems accepted, yet I find it grotesque.

I went to my MP. She was interested. Did fuck all tho

Redlarge · 12/10/2023 22:03

Lizzt2007 · 12/10/2023 21:37

Presumably the arrears will be payable on top of now ongoing maintenance? So although it's shit that it will take so long, you will be receiving regular payment plus an amount for arrears. So from previously receiving nothing you are going to be better off than you were.

This is a common sense approach. It wont happen

SecondUsername4me · 12/10/2023 22:03

I honestly think that CMS should be payable regardless of employment status, and where the man is unable to pay, the money comes direct from the Govt who then claim back arrears directly from the man via any future employment. Fir the remainder of his working life.

Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 22:06

That’s absolutely awful @Redlarge.

I will try my MP. I remember saying to friends decades ago that benefit rates being the same for men and women wasn’t fair as we have to have period products - them being freely available seemed a pipe dream. So things do change.

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Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 22:07

@SecondUsername4me that’s an interesting idea!

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CrazyHamsterLady · 12/10/2023 22:09

It’s disgusting. My ex was on a deduction
of earnings between 2006-2008 then left his job. Then I got nothing between 2008-2021 when I got about £900. He’s now been set up with another DEO and his employer have sent over one measly payment of £9. I’m owed thousands and my girls are at uni now so it’s an arrears only case. The CMS is a joke. If he owed council tax 10p they’d hound him for it but this.. fuck all.

Inertia · 12/10/2023 22:12

SecondUsername4me · 12/10/2023 22:03

I honestly think that CMS should be payable regardless of employment status, and where the man is unable to pay, the money comes direct from the Govt who then claim back arrears directly from the man via any future employment. Fir the remainder of his working life.

I would vote for this.

In fact I would suggest all CMS is paid directly by the government anyway, with a minimum level which is then increased on a sliding scale according to the NRP's historical earnings. The government then pursues the NRP directly for repayments via a new branch of HMRC.

CrazyHamsterLady · 12/10/2023 22:12

Who the HELL is saying the OP is being unreasonable??? Oh I know, it’s the non-paying NRPs and their bitter partner’s who don’t think their man should have to pay. I’ve got something to say to all those deluded women out there, he’ll do it to you too.

Plonkandplonkers · 12/10/2023 22:19

Sorry OP, that is absolutely shit, what a sorry excuse for a dad he is!

Please get in touch with your children's school about school shoes though - our school helps considerable numbers of families with uniform issues and I imagine most are similar. They might even be able to help with coats, it's worth asking. You will not be thought badly of, they'll be glad to help make it possible for your children to come into school. Please don't feel embarrassed, you've done nothing to be ashamed of!

Original poster

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 22:37

@CrazyHamsterLady that’s awful. I’m sorry you had this happen. How have you dealt with the feelings of anger/injustice etc, if you don’t mind me asking? I hate how full of bitterness I am.

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Lizzt2007 · 12/10/2023 23:01

Idontbelievethis23 · 12/10/2023 21:42

@Lizzt2007 yes, it just makes me so sad that my children has a parent who chooses to withhold financial support for them whilst pretending they are adored. I work full time, my children are everything to me and I count every penny to provide the best I can. It all seems so unfair.

It is. My ex used to hop from job to job, not on purpose to avoid maintenance, but he certainly never gave it a second thought! He was frequently self employed and I received a total of £145 maintenance in the 17 years from splitting to son being 18!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/10/2023 23:08

SecondUsername4me · 12/10/2023 22:03

I honestly think that CMS should be payable regardless of employment status, and where the man is unable to pay, the money comes direct from the Govt who then claim back arrears directly from the man via any future employment. Fir the remainder of his working life.

That will never happen, not with the attitude all political parties have to this issue.

It used to be that RPs on benefits were only allowed to keep £20 a week of maintenance. The rest was owed to the Sec of State to go toward the welfare bill. The amount owed to the SOS by non-paying NRPs got so high it was declared that something must be done… so they decided that RPs could keep all the money that wasn’t being paid and it wouldn’t affect benefits.

No party has changed that since. None of them care.

CMS have a whole host of powers that they never use, and there is no political will on either side for that to change. I worked for them briefly and when being trained I asked about something, having been through it with my ex, and the two people training me were unaware that they could go certain things without a court order. They were the trainers!

yogasaurus · 12/10/2023 23:11

SecondUsername4me · 12/10/2023 22:03

I honestly think that CMS should be payable regardless of employment status, and where the man is unable to pay, the money comes direct from the Govt who then claim back arrears directly from the man via any future employment. Fir the remainder of his working life.

When you say ‘govt’ you mean taxpayer? So if he never works again, it’s never paid back and taxpayers have fully stepped in?