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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about this situation with a fish in my pond?

41 replies

Noodge · 12/10/2023 20:57

Daft issue to many of course!

I have a smallish pond in my garden that my Dad helped me make, about 3 years ago when I moved in.

About 5 months ago my Dad built a pond in his own garden.

Not long after this he asked me to go with him to a fish farm. Not my thing at all but I went along for the ride. He bought various types of fish for his pond. He knows a lot about fish, they're one of his main interests. I know next to nothing.

On the way back he said 'Some of these are for your pond by the way!'

I protested. I didn't want fish in my pond really. I liked that my pond had kind of 'grown itself'. There were lots of pond-skaters, backswimmers etc. in it, native little bugs and this seemed to attract birds who ate these and bathed etc.-I liked it natural. I said this to my Dad about wanting a natural flora/fauna type garden pond and he told me to get over myself, the fish would just add something to that ecosystem and it'd be fine. I then said that I didn't think my pond was right for fish. Despite knowing nothing about them, my pond has a lot of algae and I felt they'd not get enough oxygen.

No avail, he said they'd be fine and I gave in. I am prone to giving in to my Dad-he's quite an overbearing character.

I bought some fish food and some 'bombs' designed for clearing ponds and making sure they're oxygenated.

But I was right, a week or so later one of my fish had died. I was upset about this-I am an animal lover and although I hadn't formed any emotional attachment to the fish, I was sad that I'd kind of caused one to die (probably by putting it in the incorrect environment).

My Dad agreed when I told him, said probably lack of oxygen in the pond, and came and took the remaining fish and took them to live in his own pond which is larger, newer, clearer.

Anyway couple of weeks ago I am out in my garden and I spot a fish swimming about in my pond. He's obviously missed one 😡the whole time I hadn't spotted it, so I've not been feeding the poor thing although I appreciate it must've been getting enough food naturally. I don't think they should be on their own, and I didn't want any fish in the first place!

However my Dad now says his pond is overcrowded and he can't take it from me, he'd have too many fish then.

My brother has said he'd take it but I think this would be a death sentence for it, his garden is huge and he had about ten fish in his pond and now only has two as the local Heron population have had a nice takeaway consisting of the rest of them!

AIBU to think this whole thing has been unfair? Should I buy another fish? Or try to insist he gives me another of his? Should I start feeding it?

I can't tell you what type it is, as the selection my Dad bought were a mixture of different types. It's just a quite small, black fish.

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 12/10/2023 21:01

Not fair to have a single fish in a pond
Poor thing, please find it an alternative home asap or get it a few friends

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:02

Yes, I don't think It's fair on it at all. I've asked my Mum to ask my Dad if I can have one of his at least! Or I'll have to go back to the fish farm. My Mum laughed when I asked her that and said they don't have cognition or emotions-I disagree!

OP posts:
MabelFurball · 12/10/2023 21:02

Can you just take it in a small jam jar or something and dump it in his pond without him knowing? One more small fish in his pond won't make much difference.

CesareBorgia · 12/10/2023 21:03

Rescues will take fish - perhaps you could find it a new home that way.

SirenSays · 12/10/2023 21:04

Can you take it back? That's what we do if ours breed too much or get too big.

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:05

@MabelFurball I guess I could! It's larger than a jam jar though-I'd say It's about 6 inches long. If he's right though and there's too many fish already would that be unfair on it and the others, too?

OP posts:
Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:05

@SirenSays good idea about taking it back. I have no clue where the farm is but I could ask my Dad.

OP posts:
user1846385927482658 · 12/10/2023 21:06

Well now you know it's in your pond you should feed it at least.

Can you not just sneak it into your dad's pond without telling him? (Since that's pretty much what he did to you in the first place.)

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:09

I am going to get some fish food from him tomorrow. I feel sorry for the poor thing. If I sneak it back into his pond, yes that could work-but he says it'd be overcrowded. I don't know enough to know how bad of a thing that'd be.

OP posts:
MabelFurball · 12/10/2023 21:09

Perhaps you should have a few of his fish then to keep your one company. He has left you in an annoying position and I wouldn't be very impressed if I were you. 🙁

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:11

Also if anyone knows a bit about fish, should I have my water feature on a lot for it?

OP posts:
Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:12

I'm not @MabelFurball Angry. I have messaged him just now and asked if I can have one of his. If his pond is overcrowded then that would probably be the best thing to do. I don't really know how to look after them and I'd have never done this off my own bat. Reassuring that it has survived a long time I guess-it must be okay with the environment of my pond.

OP posts:
Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:13

At least my garden is small and enclosed so heron aren't really a threat to them. The pond is large enough for more than one fish though.

OP posts:
Thanksforreading · 12/10/2023 21:13

Grew up with a pond, and I currently have five fish tanks…

your fish will be fine in your pond, you can feed it twice a week, you said you had water skaters and bugs etc it can live off everything inside the water. It’s getting cooler now so it won’t be needing much food at all and as temperatures dip it will just be sleeping at the bottom reserving it’s body heat/fat etc
a fish dying from transitioning from fish farm to your pond can be from many many reason, not just lack of oxygen, the nitrates and ammonia differences and water ph levels can cause that if the fish wasn’t strong enough. I would just pop to dads and grab a few fish to add to yours as his is over populated, you’d be doing you fish and his fish a favour! Or just take call around local aquatic shops, I’m sure one will take the fish in!

2jacqi · 12/10/2023 21:20

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:11

Also if anyone knows a bit about fish, should I have my water feature on a lot for it?

get yourself a wee bit of an oxygenator plant. come the cold weather stop feeding, the water at the surface of the pond is too cold. feed for probably another month then stop. if fish is still alive in spring then get another, pond still can be natural. just hope the herons dont come. or even an otter! keep the water feature on through the winter and it should it prevent freezing over

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:27

Thank you for the knowledge @2jacqi @Thanksforreading .-that is quite reassuring that it may not be down to my pond that this fish has died. I am not rural enough for otters and my garden is a bit too enclosed for Heron I think, quite high fences, neighbouring gardens etc. I hope It's alright overwinter.

OP posts:
newyeardelurker · 12/10/2023 21:29

I have a garden pond with fish and wildlife. Frogs, snails, dragonflies etc. Plenty of oxygenating plants. I think the plants and shallow bits are good for eg. Keeping tadpoles safe from fish. Started with 4 fish, one died in the first day or two but others bred so they must be fairly happy. I’d get it a friend or two as they are social, swim round in a little crowd.

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:38

Thank you @newyeardelurker
Any tips on what sort of oxygen plants I need? I live near a fantastic garden centre so I can go tomorrow and get some.

OP posts:
user1846385927482658 · 12/10/2023 22:24

Noodge · 12/10/2023 21:09

I am going to get some fish food from him tomorrow. I feel sorry for the poor thing. If I sneak it back into his pond, yes that could work-but he says it'd be overcrowded. I don't know enough to know how bad of a thing that'd be.

Yeh but he also fibbed about who he was buying the fish for...

Noodge · 12/10/2023 22:30

Yes, he did! Quite a controlling thing to do really-I don't know if anyone feels the same in any respect but I quite liked the natural aspect of my garden and the pond.

OP posts:
newyeardelurker · 13/10/2023 07:28

the garden centre will have bags of oxygenating plants, they are single strands and you just put them in the water, they don’t need planted. I think they came in a water bag. We also have a mares tail which has done really well but I’m sure the garden centre will advise.

Noodge · 14/10/2023 16:57

@newyeardelurker thank you-I've done that. Feels odd just chucking them in!

Also my Dad has agreed to give me one of his fish. Smileso this one won't be on its own any longer.

Do I just fetch it round in a bucket and put it in the pond? Sorry if that's a silly question!

OP posts:
newyeardelurker · 14/10/2023 17:54

Yes just keep it in some of the pond water in a suitable sized container. Let it swim out into the pond.

Universalsnail · 14/10/2023 18:26

I'd sneak it into your Dad's pond when he's not in 😂 I double he will notice.

friskybivalves · 14/10/2023 18:59

Chuck some watercress in. Literally what you get in a bag in the salad section of the supermarket. It's fantastic for keeping the more invasive stringy water plants down, and it is reallY good for water filtration itself...absorbs toxins, improves improving water quality and keeps it clean, the leaves are full of minerals and vitamins...it is a bit of a wonder worker. It floats on the top and when it gets a bit tired looking you just scoop it out and buy some more! Happy fish.

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