To think I’ll never be elegant

[cremona]

Browsing some nice clothes online. I’ve been making very little effort since the pandemic (think leggings and oversize sweaters). I like the idea of something smarter, e.g. a nice satin skirt. But I absolutely know I’ll wrinkle it and drop food on it and it very quickly won’t look elegant. Either that or I’ll have to be so careful and conscious all the time when I’m wearing it, that I won’t actually enjoy wearing it.

AIBU to think there are women who aren’t like this? They can wear elegant clothes and instinctively keep them neat and tidy without it using up loads of their brain space? (Kate & Meghan obvious examples). But I feel like you can only be born like that, it’s not really something you can acquire?

I don’t have DC by the way, so the food-dropping will all be me.

No, you are not right!

My clothes are usually neat and tidy. It's because I take them off as soon as I come indoors and don't drink coffee in them unless I'm leaning forward like a dog drinking from a water bowl!

I also wash them only in cold water and on the gentle cycle. I wash like colours with like. I don't put them in the dryer, which really ruins them.

If you want a satin skirt, my advice is to look for one that's of high quality. Don't get the kind of satin that'll wear quickly and won't stand up to washing. When you're searching, look at "winter" clothes because the fabric weight is likely to be heavier and higher quality. It'll last longer and be less likely to wrinkle. Satin skirts are common enough that it's possible to get high quality ones on sale.

If you do manage to spill things on a satin skirt, then most things can be washed out. You might have trouble with things that have a high fat content (might leave a greasy stain) but other than that, I wouldn't worry.

I'm totally with you. Some people put on a sack and look elegant. Others - like me - do not. I think quite a lot of it is down to posture and poise though.

My theory is that it's posture, small boobs and natural looking hair that magically doesn't frizz. Then everything else can follow. I have good posture and some nice clothes but can look dishevelled easily because my hair is mad. I'm slim but busty and that can look matronly or tarty very easily too. Alas.

I think you're right that posture has a lot to do with it. If you don't already do yoga and a bit of strength training, I'd think about it. I gave up exercise for a couple of years and started to look a bit like a frog because my posture became so bad. The difference now that I'm back to exercising regularly is really stark.

Also, basics like groomed eyebrows and regular haircuts help a lot. Even if you have no time/money for new clothes, you can look healthy and well-groomed.

Another thing is to figure out which items look elegant on you and are also practical to wear. For me it's button-down shirts that have a little structure (i.e., not the flimsy ones). I can wear them just about anywhere and they look great. Most close-fitting jersey tops show my lumps and bumps. This might sound obvious, but I think many people head straight for trendy items or on-sale items without thinking through whether they actually look good and will end up being worn.

Honestly, I think anyone can look elegant. The key is to figure out what you can do (like the eyebrows and having items that are flattering and practical to put on) that will make a difference and not require a huge fuss every time you leave the house!

I voted YABU only because the Royal Family will have nannies galore, pro cleaners and people whose job it is to make them look good every minute of the day. They’re not dealing with leaky apple juice cartons and grubby hands like the rest of us humans. They’re not catching public transport or transporting the kids to school in the rain!

If you do get an oil based stain like most food stains, don't scrub at it. Just put talcum powder on both sides of the stain, rub in and leave for a few hours or overnight. Then shake out the talcum powder over the sink and wash as normal. Occasionally you might have to repeat but it doesn't damage the fabric.

Tomato based stains are really unstable with ultra violet light. Even if it is still stained, hang it out so sunlight gets to it. I think that may be harder to do in a UK winter though but it works really well in our climate. A few hours in New Zealand sun and its gone.