Cancelling Xmas plans

[SuperGreens]

I agreed to spend Christmas with a friend a few weeks ago, but since then Ive had another friend suggest something and Id rather take them up on that. But I dont know how to tell the friend who asked first. So as not to drip feed, I do feel taken advantage of by her quite often, she always manages to find a way for me to pay more than her when we go out, and Im sure Christmas will be no different. I know I should have said no at the time, but I was on the spot an didnt think fast enough. I dont want to fall out as we are in a shared social group and it would cause issues. ButI dont think it will go down well. Its still months away so I also dont think I am being unreasonable, but I do need to deal with asap. Any suggestions on how to handle would be appreciated!

Well you could lie and say you'd already said yes to friend two but thought it wasn't happening and now you find you were wrong you have to back out because you have to honour the first commitment. Saves her face too as it appears you are dumping her plan reluctantly.

There is no way of letting down friend 1, do go with friend 2 without hurting their feelings. You are literally telling friend 1 that you've had a better offer.

Yes, I would do this, so long as there’s no chance of friend 2 dropping me in it!!

'I'm so sorry but my plans have changed for Christmas and I won't be spending the day with you.' Keep it short, polite and direct.

Definitely have the Christmas you want. Tell the first woman ASAP so that she can find someone else to leech off.

I've always taught my kids if you agree to something you can't drop it if a better offer comes along. There will be a fall out. First friend will get wind of it.

Thanks all, Im so torn about what to do, I really dont want to fall out as it would effect other people more than me. But I also due to recent CF behaviour I would rather spend it on my own even if I didnt have another offer!

Is the recent CF behaviour after you agreed? If yes then far enough, dump friend 1.

*fair

Oh God! Are you my friend? Are you coming with me to a restaurant on Christmas Day?

If she's been cheeky lately, then do you want to keep her as a friend?

I'd just say something like, "Sorry, will have to change plans for Christmas now. Luckily it's still three months off so hope you can sort something out." If she says anything just say, "I can't afford to keep paying for you. I'm sure you understand."

Is the second option any cheaper? Could you blame finances?

Does that mean you're a CF?

I sincerely hope not! But I am in a fairly new friendship group and invited one of the group to a restaurant because I knew she was otherwise alone. As far as I know we have always fairly split expenditures but now I’m worrying that I might have missed something!

Is the friend you want to drop going to be alone if you drop out?

Dont lie to friend 1. If you're in a shared social circle, all it takes is one stupid comment later down the line and you're busted. Better to cause drama now on your terms than later and have bo control over timing. Does friend 2 know about your feelings for friend 1 and are they supportive? If so you could get their back-up to concoct some inflated reason why this second offer is too good to pass up which might soften the blow for friend 1 - but probably won't.

You definitely shouldn't have to pander to keep harmony if there's been bad behaviour but that's easy for me to say when I'm an outsider.

I don't think anyone can really help you here. You either have christmas your way and potentially have some social fallout to deal with or you have a crap christmas and keep everyone happy. Only you can decide whether option 1 is worth it.

I assume doing something as a threesome is out of the question as that seems like the obvious compromise?