I’m going to keep this anonymous and change some details for very obvious reasons but it’s been greatly playing on my mind.
Several years ago I had a trainee work under me. I was their specific assigned trainer/mentor. They were incredibly anxious and confided that they had grown up in foster care and had become obsessed about doing well as this was the motivation which got them through foster care, school, college and subsequently university. I have never, in my 48 years of being alive, met someone quite as hard on themselves as them, and it seemed to worsen over the 7 months we worked together. It was the most extreme case of perfectionism imaginable. If they made even the smallest of errors they were utterly devastated and were so cruel to themselves for it. They became exhausted and made more mistakes and so worked even harder- arriving at the office 2 hours early, leaving 2 hours late and worked over any break. They then spent all evening after work doing more work. Which in turn caused more burn out and mistakes. It was an awful vicious cycle and our firm was already very overworked and understaffed too due to our pushy managers at the time, which put even more pressure on my trainee.
I kept telling them during our training sessions that they were one of the most competent and able trainees I’ve ever met, but that our working environment was tough and they had to be kinder to themselves as they were clearly exhausted and will burn out. I tried to take on their workload and offered even more help (practical and emotional) so they didn’t have to stay late or come early but they kept refusing saying it was fine. I was always telling them to leave work on time and have a completely work free evening and whatever wasn’t done I would sort out but it seemed to make them even more anxious.
I was always on the watch for signs to be extremely concerned about (i.e. sudden mood changes, giving away belongings) NOT that I thought they were suicidal as I didn’t, but this person was clearly teetering on the edge of a breakdown.
Eventually they burned out, left, took a break, went somewhere else and are doing much, much better now. I received a lovely letter from them letting me know they had taken everything onboard and after some outside intervention and help they were coping a lot better now and are enjoying their new workplace. I am utterly overjoyed that they are now happier and successful.
I suppose I’m asking, as a trainer, how much of the role should be pastoral? I’ve received very little training on this side of things, other than to report any concerning signs, but I really feel like there should be more training on this or options to help. But I don’t know how, and I know that’s not always practical realistically either. So I don’t know what the answer is. Just wondered if anyone had any other thoughts on this? I reported to my seniors that I felt my trainee was incredibly talented and hard working but was concerningly anxious and tough on themselves and that our overworked/understaffed working environment was making it significantly worse. I was just told to recommend they get in touch with our corporate counselling service, or used some annual leave, which I tried to encourage but I know they never did it as they didn’t want to seem weak. I tried to be there more than usual for help (both professionally and personally) but they were so wrapped up in it all that they never did. We had a great relationship but I was extremely worried about them and have always felt bad in case I could have helped more. Was there anything else I could have, or should have done? I’ve always felt guilty in case I missed something or should have helped more. And, my other question, does anyone else think workplaces should be better equipped to support people like this and does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?