How would you deal with this friendship?

[bathmatshowermat]

We have some friends who we enjoy spending time with. We don't see them much, they live a few hours away, and we visit each other every now and again. They are open about not wanting to spend money. We went for a walk this weekend as they were visiting, and it would have been nice to go for a coffee, or even dinner, once. But as I know they don't want to spend any money, I couldn't suggest it. They are well off, but want to save every penny they have, so are very very careful about what they spend on. I'm just not sure I can host again! Spent the whole weekend cooking, and while I enjoy hosting, my partner and I just really fancied a coffee when we went out for a walk too! We are by no means extravagant with money.

Maybe we should meet somewhere neutral for a day trip next time so nobody hosts. How would you feel?

I have a friend like this and its exhausting. The subject of money comes up frequently and how much she likes to save.
If I say I'm going to grab a takeaway coffee, she will stand back and let me pay everytime. I find it difficult to order one coffee and not offer her one. I'd go without it except sometimes I really want a coffee. She also makes me appear to be an utter spendthrift if I suggest getting one.
She also spends a lot on travel and has paid her mortgage off.

I get them. Me and DH have gone a bit like that lately. We priorities what we actually want to spend our money on. Having said that, if we want to buy a coffee or whatever we will. And I can't be doing with tightness. If we were in your company and you wanted a coffee/meal out. We would.
My advice would be, next time, don't ask. Just say "I fancy a coffee, I'm going to get one"

One bottle of wine! From two people visiting for a weekend?
I think you're part of their budget plan! Two breakfasts - lunches - dinners - snacks - petrol for outings v one bottle of what, Blossom Hill? Or whatever's £7.50 from Tesco this week?

They value travelling highly. So when they go travelling, do they spend money while on their holidays so that they can enjoy themselves? You’d presume so.

So why can’t they spend some money while travelling to see you? You’re all friends who meet up a few times each year. So you clearly value and enjoy each others company. It’s pretty sad that this time you spend together is being devalued by you not feeling able to even suggest going for a coffee, let alone an evening out at a restaurant.

the dynamic of your friendship is being dictated by their terms. You’re effectively a free weekend away for them, which they will feel is reciprocated by a free weekend away for you when you visit them, but what you end up doing during these times has been decided by them, every single time.

that would piss me off.