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Original poster

Baby shower etiquette

16 replies

SpringHexagon · 11/10/2023 19:43

Hi all, I'm not sure if am I being unreasonable here. I didn't have a baby shower and really don't like them, but I will be attending my SIL baby shower at the weekend, and wondered what people's thoughts were.
I have already bought a gift for my new niece or nephew that I planned to take when I first go for a visit. But this means I will be turning up empty handed to the baby shower. Is it unreasonable to do this? Or should I take the gift and turn up empty handed to meet the new baby?

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 11/10/2023 19:45

Do the latter, but bring a small gift for your SIL (not flowers but chocolate or similar) and a card for them the first time you visit the new squish.

InTheRainOnATrain · 11/10/2023 19:47

Take the gift to the shower. When you visit the new baby bring biscuits and offer to make tea!

Mummanoodle · 11/10/2023 19:47

That’s a good question! When I went to a friends baby shower recently I took the gifts then and just send a card when baby had actually arrived. At my own baby shower (arranged by my sibling) people were asked to bring one book - new or secondhand - that was a story they loved as a child or loved reading to their own child. This meant any other gifts were a mix of given at the baby shower or once baby arrived. I think it’s up to you, but perhaps you could buy a pack of nappies and wipes as a secondary gift if you feel conflicted.

blushroses6 · 11/10/2023 19:49

I didn’t have one either - not my thing at all. Definitely take the baby gift to the shower. Bring a congrats card and maybe biscuits/chocolates/face mask etc as a little something for mum when you go to visit the baby.

junbean · 11/10/2023 19:50

The point of a shower is gifting, mainly to cover the needs of a new baby. After baby is born you can give something more frivolous if you want, or even something for the new mother herself.

Monkeymonkeymoo · 11/10/2023 19:52

I agree with @LightDrizzle , if you’re attending the shower then I’d take a gift (either the one you’ve already chosen or a small token gift e.g. your favourite childhood book with a nice message written in the front).
When the baby is born I’d probably just take a congratulations card (plus some chocolates for mum and a tiny token gift for baby if you feel like it).

I know showers aren’t for everyone but if you’re going then it’s nice to take something.

NotFastButFurious · 11/10/2023 19:53

I really don’t like the idea of buying gifts for a baby who hasn’t safely arrived yet it also strikes me as seriously grabby. Stick to your plan of buying them a present when they’re born and maybe just take a token gift for mum to the baby shower.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 11/10/2023 19:58

I agree that they are grabby and I hate them. This is her second baby, it's seriously unnecessary, I've already spent around £100 now I'm having to go and buy more so I don't turn up empty handed to meet the baby 😭

OP posts:
neleh87 · 11/10/2023 19:59

I had a baby shower because my friends wanted to throw me one, otherwise I wouldn't have done. I just had friends there, no family. (my choice).

The friends that were there gave something at the baby shower and a card when they came to meet the baby. Apart from one friend who gave me something for the baby both times. I think she was just excited.

I would take your gift to the baby shower and give a card when baby is born. Or if you're uncomfortable with that, do it the other way round

Edited to say I love the idea of taking a little gift for mom once baby is here!

Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 20:30

I always thought it bad luck to buy a gift for the baby before they were born, and that you took a gift once the baby was born as a blessing. If I was attending a baby shower I would probably buy a personal small gift for the mum. Once of the nicest gifts I received post baby was a pedicure gift card.

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 11/10/2023 20:57

@Tempnamechng I actually really like that idea, thank you. I'll get a gift voucher for our local beautician for a foot spa.

OP posts:
meditrina · 11/10/2023 21:05

Yes you have to take a gift to a shower - the name of the party tells you that: itt mean "shower with gifts"

If gift giving weren't the whole point, it wouldn't be called a shower! There are lots of reasons to have celebratory parties to mark impeding motherhood - a shower is not a catch-all term for them, it's a specific gift-giving occasion. (What he actual party attached to the shower is like can of course vary wildly, from sedate tea to raucous games).

So yes, you have to take something. But "shower-type gift" means something inexpensive and useful. My go-to is always colourful muslins (as you just can't have too many of them). Traditionally, it's a gift for the baby, not the mother

BlueKaftan · 11/10/2023 21:10

Only in British culture are baby showers seen as grabby, and that’s not what they were originally supposed to be. I think you can safely take the gift to the shower or wait until the baby is born which is more in keeping with your own culture?

MammaTo · 11/10/2023 21:42

I’d bring the gift to the baby shower and then bring a small gift for the new mum when you visit - a Starbucks or coffee shop voucher normally goes down well 😂

DappledThings · 11/10/2023 21:57

Just don't go. Go and greet the baby when it arrives with your present as planned.

Honeyroar · 11/10/2023 22:01

So you’re supposed to take a gift to the shower, a gift when the baby is born and a gift if they have a christening?

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