To consider a 3rd child in these circumstances

[sonflowers]

DH and I have a combined income of just under £100K. I'm 37, he's 39.

2 DC currently aged 4 & 2. We both work full time so still pay quite a bit in childcare - full time for one and wrap-around for the other. We're feeling the pinch currently but expect things to improve next year when our youngest qualifies for 30 free hours.

We live in a VERY cheap part of the country, and would quite like to move in the next year or so. Neither of us feel at home where we are, there is very little to do and aspirations (particularly education aspirations) are low. We could downsize, even with a third, but would probably still be paying more for the mortgage if we move where we want to.

I always wanted a bigger family (I'm one of 2 with a very large age gap, and not close to my sibling at all), and didn't imaging DC2 would be our last. DH fees the same, but we're worried about how we'd cope financially. And I wouldn't want our existing kids to feel hard done by, because we have another mouth to feed, human to clothe, person to take on holiday with us etc. I also know the teen years will likely be expensive.

Another concern is that I do feel very isolated where we live, and while I'm ok currently, worry my mental health could take a dive postpartum without the option of baby groups and support from friends (who mostly live quite far away). It would also be incredibly stressful to try and sell up and move pregnant or with a newborn, so those plans would probably have to be put on hold for a while.

Logically, I think I know it's not the sensible thing to do, and i'm very lucky to have the beautiful family that I have, but in my heart I feel like someone is missing. AIBU to seriously consider trying for one more?

I would
can you move and then have another? Or start the process, looking buying etc, then only start Ttc once things are in motion ?

Yabu to have three children full stop, especially as you already have fragile MH. But with a household income of £100k I'm not sure what your issue is?

Your income could more than support it but it depends, obviously there will be less to go around and less available to do treats / fun things and less support you could give to teenage and adult DC with another in the mix.

With your combined income you shouldn’t be feeling the pinch once the kids are all in school, especially in a very cheap part of the country. So it depends on wether you are willing to deal with the shorter term financial implications? And can your mental health deal with it?

We had a third by accident, so didn't think through the finances beforehand! Our age gaps are the same as yours, and actually we found we were no worse off when they were young. While you're on maternity leave you won't need the wrap around care for your eldest, and your second will get the funded hours then be at school so no extra costs for them either. If you can afford to go back to work part time you would only have your youngest in paid care during the day and can minimise the need for wrap around care. We have always used childminders as well as they are so much cheaper than nurseries.

In terms of holidays etc., obviously it would cost more having to pay for three children, but you adjust your holiday expectations to suit your budget and go for the likes of Eurocamp or self catering apartments if need be, or have just one big expensive holiday a year and then a few cheaper breaks. The older children won't feel hard done by as they won't know what holidays or treats they are missing out on by you having a third anyway.

I think go for it. You’ll work it out and financially I think you’d cope particularly as kids get older.