My exP, father to my three dcs and his gf had a huge row on Wednesday night, when my children were staying over ( they stayed Wednesdays and alternate weekends) I had left my phone downstairs on Wednesday and had an early night ( in bed by ten!) and went downstairs for a pee at about 1AM to find a text message on my phone from his gf, saying that he had just hit her and accused her of killing her husband (who died of alcohol related injuries just over a year ago. She inherited his house and a sizeable insurance, although they were divorcing at the time due to his alcoholism and domestic abuse) I couldn?t do anything at the time as I reasoned that they would have all given up and gone to bed by then. Sent her a text saying would give her a ring the next day, hoped she was ok etc.
Yesterday, having spoken to my dd (12) it transpires that their dad and his gf were rowing all night. Kids were told to stay downstairs and not interfere, so they couldn?t get at dds mobile to phone me. Ds1 cried ?all night? and eventually got to sleep when dd got into bed to cuddle him. Dd knew something was going on, although I was reluctant to confirm her suspicions at first, because she heard gf scream ?get out and take your f*cking kids with you!? at eleven PM, then gf yelling my DDs name. DD was too scared to go and see what was happening. Ds2 slept through it all!
Exp has had a ?chance? before. There apparently was a row before and the police were called when my dcs were there overnight. He was told at that point that this was completely unacceptable ? I don?t want my boys thinking that they can treat women like this (dd, on discussion has taken the view that if anyone laid a finger on her she would offer swift alternative to birth control for the ?gentleman? concerned? ds is already showing signs that he blames exps gf for the row, and whilst I don?t believe she is as blameless as she paints herself ( I know that there is no excuse for him hitting her, but I think she does contribute to their volatility in other ways) So, he had a chance (which in retrospect was not a great idea..) and has now totally crossed tehline.
I went to see him yesterday and told him that I had a fair idea what had happened as Tabitha had spoken to me. I didn?t say that his gf had contacted me and I did stress that his relationship with her is none of my business as long as it doesn?t affect my DCs. I?ve told him that he won?t have the children overnight and he can make arrangements to see them via family mediation, but I am not condoning his behaviour and I?m not putting our DCS at risk.. when I was talking to him, he looked at the floor throughout, other than to whisper, please don?t take them away from me? ( he doesn?t see his ds3 from the relationship after me at all) to which I reoplied, ?I?m not taking them away from you. you?re taking them away from you?.
I am absolutely disgusted with him. DD thinks he is a ?bastard?. Ds1 is very upset and wants to see his dad. Ds2 is away in ds2 lalaland and is fine with not seeing him.
Do you think it is reasonable to restrict his access so far? I am toying with the idea of suggesting that we meet for an hour a week in the park, so that he can see the boys, but i can only cope with that if I know he?s going to be sober. ? and I have no guarantee of that.
Sorry it?s so long. Ugh! What is my next move? Do I wait for him to contact me, or do I just let him walk away? Is it better for the kids to have no dad at all?