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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just paint my DCs room?

34 replies

FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 13:58

Last Christmas, part of our two DCs Christmas present was having their bedrooms re-painted (they were plain white as we live in a new build) and some wall stickers/decorations/bedding to go with their new room colour/s. We gave them a home made voucher each for this.

My DC1 (6 at the time now 7) hasn't been able to decide what colour they want.
DC2 (4) chose two colours on first visit to Homebase, no bother, room painted a couple of weeks later...

Roll on months later and DC1 still hasn't decided.

Full disclaimer: We had a bit of a disagreement over colours initially. All DC1 said they wanted was dark red and black... which I vetoed as the room is smallish small, not overly bright anyway and I honestly think it would look dreadful and very claustrophobic. I was obviously nice about this and explained kindly why I didn't think it was the best idea. We then agreed a compromise which involved red and black on one "feature" wall and a lighter colour on remaining walls... but when we went to buy the paint (a couple of weeks later due to other commitments) DC1 announced they had changed their mind and has still to decide what colours they want.

DC1 is pretty indecisive (another example they can't decide what they want to dress as for Halloween) so has form for this.

DH has said it's getting ridiculous and that we should just pick some colours ourselves and paint it now.

I've got three nice complimentary colour swatches in front of me, that tie in with one of DC1s current interests (Zelda). DH has said we should just order the paint and do it, which I kind of agree with.

But there's a little voice in the back of my head that is nagging saying we should let DC1 decide, or perhaps just leave their room as it currently is (if they can't decide). I would hate to paint it and for DC1 to then be upset/not like it.

So would we be unreasonable to just paint the bloody room?

(As an aside, any tips for helping with indecisiveness in children would be appreciated!!)

OP posts:
Redbushteaforme · 11/10/2023 14:02

Have you shown DC the colours to see if they like them?

Debini · 11/10/2023 14:06

If she can’t decide just leave it at is is.

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/10/2023 14:14

Offer a choice, say that if she cannot decide, YOU will. Then paint/decorate the bloody room and have done with it.

Or just leave it!

Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 14:16

Yes, they're colours that DC1 likes - and they had mentioned previously wanting a "Zelda" room so I haven't just picked colours out of nowhere IYSWIM. They were some of the swatches that were brought home after the first Homebase trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 14:16

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/10/2023 14:14

Offer a choice, say that if she cannot decide, YOU will. Then paint/decorate the bloody room and have done with it.

Or just leave it!

Yes, I think this might be the way to go.

OP posts:
MrsHsGirl · 11/10/2023 14:17

Does it actually need repainting? If it is fine as it is - albeit a bit boring - I would just leave it up to DC to decide, whenever that might be. No point adding extra work when they aren't bothered, which they clearly aren't!

Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 14:20

MrsHsGirl · 11/10/2023 14:17

Does it actually need repainting? If it is fine as it is - albeit a bit boring - I would just leave it up to DC to decide, whenever that might be. No point adding extra work when they aren't bothered, which they clearly aren't!

It's OK as it is I suppose, but DC1 was so excited about having it painted initially. It's a bit said that their indecisiveness is getting in the way of that happening IYSWIM?

OP posts:
Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 14:21

I don't think they are being indecisive about the paint colour. They chose the colour, you said no. They don't really want the alternative you suggested. Just let them have a red and black room, it isn't you who has to sleep and play in it.

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 14:23

Just leave it. I don't get this obsession with forcing a parent's tastes on a child. It is their room, if they 'can't decide' they clearly aren't bothered by it remaining white.

It's a bit said that their indecisiveness is getting in the way of that happening IYSWIM?

No, its more sad for you to take over and give them something they don't want.

Fireisland · 11/10/2023 14:26

Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 14:21

I don't think they are being indecisive about the paint colour. They chose the colour, you said no. They don't really want the alternative you suggested. Just let them have a red and black room, it isn't you who has to sleep and play in it.

This. Seems a bit mean to say they can choose the colour as part of a Xmas present and then veto their choice...did you get them an alternative present out of interest?!

margotrose · 11/10/2023 14:32

But they told you what they wanted and you said no Confused

Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 14:39

Also, to help children with indecisiveness we have to give them the confidence to be decisive. You have to give them the freedom to make their own choices and sometimes mistakes. (This is why mine went out occasionally wearing ridiculous outfits). You can't give them a choice, tell them their choice is wrong and then expect them to have the confidence to make another choice. I didn't matter that you didn't like the paint colours they chose, (if you were worried about it not painting over you could have used a cheap lining paper,) what matters now is that they are back tracking because you have already said their choice is a bad one, so don't have the confidence to stick to their original choice or choose something new.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/10/2023 14:53

Bit of a crappy Xmas pressie when they tell you what colour they want and you say no

If I isn't sure on paint colour then get some peel on/off stickers /designs they like

OhmygodDont · 11/10/2023 14:57

I get no black paint. But the red would be fine and I’d get black wallpaper.

You asked they said, you said no.

You don’t get to them be disappointed that their room haven’t been decorated.

NerrSnerr · 11/10/2023 15:00

Would a compromise work? Could you do dark red paint with black wall stickers? My daughter wanted a gold bedroom but after going through all the choices we went for a gold name sticker on top of a lighter colour and she loved it.

Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 15:04

Hi - thanks for the replies.

I guess we have been unreasonable. I will have a chat with DC and if they still want back and dark red then we will do that. I hadn't thought about using wallpaper for the black, that's a good idea.

OP posts:
MardiLisa · 11/10/2023 15:04

I think it would be unkind to do it over their head. You could offer the option of you choosing but by way of helping, not as a consequence if they haven't decided by Saturday.

How about using an app (I think Dulux Vizualiser might be one) where you can take a pic of the room and mock it up in the new colours? Do the Zelda colours and maybe a red and black if you're feeling brave. Might make it easier for them to choose. You really need to keep it light (pressure, not paint shade!) to get an answer.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 11/10/2023 15:05

Could you do a feature wall red and the woodwork black. Then stickers on the still white non feature walls.
One of the oddest Christmas presents I ever heard of by the way. And your attitude is making it weirder.

Catza · 11/10/2023 15:07

You should avoid giving children open choices (depending on age). 3-4 colours to chose from and if they can't decide I don't think it is critical to paint the room at all. But whatever you decide, you should let your child know that this is what you are going to do.

Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 15:07

Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 14:39

Also, to help children with indecisiveness we have to give them the confidence to be decisive. You have to give them the freedom to make their own choices and sometimes mistakes. (This is why mine went out occasionally wearing ridiculous outfits). You can't give them a choice, tell them their choice is wrong and then expect them to have the confidence to make another choice. I didn't matter that you didn't like the paint colours they chose, (if you were worried about it not painting over you could have used a cheap lining paper,) what matters now is that they are back tracking because you have already said their choice is a bad one, so don't have the confidence to stick to their original choice or choose something new.

This is really helpful, thank you.

I do generally try and let both DC have freedom to choose, make mistakes with no judgement, etc. But appreciate I may have missed the mark this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 15:08

Tempnamechng · 11/10/2023 14:39

Also, to help children with indecisiveness we have to give them the confidence to be decisive. You have to give them the freedom to make their own choices and sometimes mistakes. (This is why mine went out occasionally wearing ridiculous outfits). You can't give them a choice, tell them their choice is wrong and then expect them to have the confidence to make another choice. I didn't matter that you didn't like the paint colours they chose, (if you were worried about it not painting over you could have used a cheap lining paper,) what matters now is that they are back tracking because you have already said their choice is a bad one, so don't have the confidence to stick to their original choice or choose something new.

This is really helpful, thank you.

I do generally try and let both DC have freedom to choose, make mistakes with no judgement, etc. But appreciate I may have missed the mark this time.

OP posts:
cherrypeachparfait · 11/10/2023 15:08

I’m another one that thinks you should have said yes to Red and Black. It was a present and much of that present is choice and freedom for them.

im painting my kids rooms myself but it’s not a present so I let myself have a bit more input but even so they can choose the colour. I just work on the shade a bit

DappledThings · 11/10/2023 15:13

I don't get making it a present. We've just given both DC the option of repainting but it's part of general home maintenance, I can't see it as a treat.

I'd let her start again and make some choices then go with them even if it isn't want you want. Or if she really can't decide then just leave it white, maybe she's less bothered than you are.

(Yes I know OP didn't specify the sex but I hate these posts with the clunky "they" throughout so I've unapologetically picked a sex to make it easier to read as have at least two other posters)

GasPanic · 11/10/2023 15:18

I would look on it as a low consequence opportunity to educate them on what happens if you are asked to make a decision in the real world and then don't.

MidnightOnceMore · 11/10/2023 15:26

FeelingOblivion · 11/10/2023 14:20

It's OK as it is I suppose, but DC1 was so excited about having it painted initially. It's a bit said that their indecisiveness is getting in the way of that happening IYSWIM?

Show quote history

You said they could choose.
They chose black and red.
You changed the rules.

They're not indecisive!

You should paint it black and red.

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