Spiralling with worry for 3.5 year old

[scaredandspiralling]

I know I should post this in 'child development' but that board is so quiet and I'm really hoping for some responses, please.

I have a 3 yrs 5 month old daughter. She was six weeks premature but no major health concerns, neurotypical older brother (6). Attends nursery four days a week. She's always been a but of a little weirdo in some ways, but we had no major concerns for her development. She's a lot more shy than her brother and very self-contained, can play by herself very happily for ages, but hit her milestones normally, settled at nursery, starting to play more with other children, speaking fine. She was showing a slight interest in potty training, finally.

But this last three or four weeks, we've noticed a huge change in her. She's started running up and down the room over and over again. She makes noises sucking her teeth, like a tic. No interest in potty training and she screams if we suggest it. She's enormously 'in her own head', having imaginary conversations (out loud) between different characters what feels like all the time - she's always done this a bit and it seemed a good sign of imaginary play, but now it's constant and difficult to get her proper attention. She does still want to play with us, but always in role-play, e.g. "you be Ryder, I'll be Chase", and she keeps this up for ages, even as soon as she wakes up, and uses it to say what she wants, e.g. "let's go downstairs, Ryder."

Her eye contact is fine, she can talk about her emotions (e.g. "he's making me upset!"), and nursery say they don't have any concerns, but have noticed the behaviours we've described.

We've made an appointment to speak to the health visitor but that's not for a couple of weeks and I'm spiralling. I feel like I'm losing my little girl. I think back to the way she was engaging with us only a few weeks ago and I want to cry.

Is this how autism presents? Would it be so sudden like this? If not that, then what?

Please help.

DD was massively resistant to potty training at 3. Did it easy as anything just before she started preschool (so about 3.5). Literally overnight, two accidents, dry day and night. I wouldn't panic about that. They do it when they're ready.

Thanks @Aberdeenusername @HumphreyCobblers how do they diagnose it? Is it something the GP can do with a blood test?

Thanks @peachgreen, that would be amazing. She just doesn't seem to understand what we want her to do, or engage with us long enough for us to explain.

Thanks @Zezet, I'm not known to be an overworrier but after a difficult pregnancy and then her premature arrival, I do tend to worry about her more than I usually would.

I really wouldn't rush to slap a label on her yet OP. 3 year olds can be right little weirdos sometimes. Massive imaginations and sucking up their surroundings like a sponge but very little maturity to express it. She's in peak development phase - this could all just pass and she will be a perfectly normal school kid by the time she gets there.

Thanks @ReferRise, it's great to hear your son is thriving. I would be more than happy with this future for her - I think it's just my fear than she's no longer progressing (even with her quirks) and it could be the start of a regression. I don't know if it works like that, particularly at this age. Or maybe there are no rules?

@DixonD that's a lot of laps!

Thank you for responding. When she does it she's very much in her own world and doesn't want our attention or involvement. Sometimes it's part of her internal game and you can tell she's being a dragon or something, but often it seems almost like a compulsion.

@Mariposista thank you - they are little weirdos indeed!

There are no rules ,its a massive spectrum and impacts everyone differently yes some children can regress,or stop.progressing or progress very slowy but there is no point in worrying yourself over this now, if she is autistic than she will be on her own trajectory ,it doesn't really help.comparing to.other children with autism
My son is severely impacted buy his autism but many with autism present very differently. to him
Speak to the health visitor with your concerns.

Thanks @x2boys, I do have an appointment with the HV but it's a couple of weeks away and I'm finding it hard not to panic at the change in her. I appreciate the insight from you and the other people with experience of autism (and those without, in fact), and take your point it's different for everyone.

ADHD definitely presents like this. I have it and zooming down the corridors / deep thinking I couldn’t snap out of were all a fact of life for me until I got medication for it. Having said that she’s 3.5 and all of what you’ve described is normal to an extent. Suggest you keep a diary for a month and then use it to give your GP the data needed for a referral

@JustAMinutePleass a diary is a great idea. It will also help me include positives because I'm definitely focusing on the negative behaviours.

My three year old calls her dad ‘Ryder’ an awful lot in everyday life and walks around on all fours pretending to be a pup. I just let her get on with it to be honest and when I need her to do something just say that we have to be a little girl again! She also chats away to herself and has an imaginary friend.

Nursery have no concerns and she’s just passed her assessments for prep school with flying colours, I guess they’d have flagged any concerns!

Thanks @fyn it’s reassuring to hear a lot of this is typical behaviour!

Sounds just like my daughter who has Asperger's. It presents much differently in girls than in boys. All of the research going into the diagnostic criteria has been on boys, so getting a diagnosis or any help at all is difficult. Look up Tony Attwood, he's a doctor who specializes in high functioning girls. I found some videos of him speaking on Youtube and it totally changed my life and how I went about my daughter's upbringing. Whatever is going on, don'y worry. If it is a neurodivergent thing, it's nothing bad. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her. I know mine is very proud of being weird, she even made a shirt herself proclaiming it. She's turned her imagination into a web series comic, publishes stories online, and is learning to animate. She has loads of notebooks filled with her stories. I got her into reading and writing as soon as she was able- I highly suggest the same. She has trouble socializing and getting along with kids her own age so books have opened the world for her. Good luck with everything, and again, don't worry! Just support who she is and help her be happy and healthy like you would for any child.

Thanks @junbean your daughter sounds brilliant. When did you first realise she was neurodivergent?

@junbean Ah, your daughter sounds like my DS. He would have been formerly diagnosed with Asperger’s; it’s all ASD now. He also has ADHD. It amazes me how his mind works, he creates such incredible stories and comics. He also wants to do something in animation or game design!

please google infant reflexes not going dormant

Try not to worry OP, although I know it's impossible.

My best mum-friend has two 'typical' DCs, teen boy and girl, both gorgeous looking, bright and with brilliant social lives.

My two have ADHD and are probably on the autism spectrum too. While they've both done well academically and are happy, I've always found myself thinking they should probably be more like my friend's DCs.

I realise now though that most of my friends' DCs are actually more like mine, and that it's only because I see this friend more, as she's a neighbour, that the comparison looms more.

We get the opposite. I get told off if I suggest DS2 is anything but himself. He'll be very firm that he's DS2 not anything else. He is Autistic.

I think it's worth speaking to your GP about possible PANS/PANDAS OP and any other concerns you have. It is a big change, but sometimes kids do go through periods where they seem to lose skills for a bit. It could be something or nothing. I know that's not reassuring. I'm a big proponent of when in doubt check it out, I would be getting a medical opinion on this even if just for some peace of mind.

All 3 of my DC are Autistic, and they're all very different from each other. DS1 did have a big change in his behaviour but he was a lot younger, around 20 months old and it coincided with him going through a long period where he barley slept. Lack of sleep can have a massive impact on behaviour and a lot of the behaviours disappeared when I finally got him seeping again. DD hit every developmental milestone, was a early complex talker, her brothers needed a lot more support , they're very different people from each other. They're all doing really well at school now and DS1 who I feared would never make a friend is surrounded by a big bunch of them. It's not all doom and gloom, they do have their struggles, they have needed extra support and may well continue to do so into young adulthood, but they're amazing little people with bright futures ahead of them.

Thanks @EliflurtleTripanInfinite I really appreciate the response.

Oops, I did mean to say I figured it out when she was 8. She's 13 now. I had my suspicions since she was 18mo- she lined up her toys, stacked them, and she was also able to draw in intricate details. I'd studied art therapy for children so I knew that was way out of the norm. Over the years I kept noticing little things like that, and referred to the DSM but it never fit. When I happened to find a Tony Attwood video it all clicked! She prefers to be treated normally and wanted to stop behavioral therapy (can be more damaging than helpful depending on the person) and now I simply support her myself by focusing on her strengths mostly. She has problems taking care of herself, like brushing her teeth and combing her hair. But she's trying hard and knowing she's neurodivergent helps me be patient with her. I wish I had known for sure sooner. But she's doing good and really happy so that's the important thing.

That's amazing! I think the world is getting a little more friendly for neurodivergent, especially as we have more awareness. I think it can be a gift. I also think my DD is ADHD- I'm taking her to get tested soon.

A swab in the throat for strep a is the best place to start xx

@Aberdeenusername What were the symptoms that made you check? I feel like I’m reaching for straws.