AIBU feeling hurt?

[WisteriaBlank]

I believe I am being unreasonable but what I really need is for people to pull me back out of massive pity-party that's spiralling in my brain.

I'm an older sibling - we're both married, employed, doing well. Both living abroad, sibling is physically closer to where parents are. Parents divorced when we were in our 20s, both now alone, elderly and ailing, living in our native country on pensions that are not sufficient to survive (or even pay for their medical needs). I've been supporting them financially since I left home (15y ago). I earn enough to do this and my family doesn't go without because of this. Since sibling got a stable job, they started participating this support. The idea was 50-50, but in reality its more like 70-30 (I cover 70). This also is fine because I earn more.

However, my sibling is rarely paying on time and I often have to remind them to do so. Parents are, of course, not aware of this because I handle all transfers from my account - so even if sibling doesn't send, I still do.

Furthermore, sibling sometimes goes weeks without even sending either parent even a text message. This results in parents being hurt and depressed and me calling them more frequently than I normally would (every other day) just to ensure they're ok.

This morning I was on the phone with my mum, I was telling her something rather important to me when I heard she had another incoming call. She got all flustered and said: It is your sibling, I haven't heard them in a month - I have to take this. I said of course and we ended our call. However, I feel rather hurt that I was dropped like a hot potato the moment my sibling decided it suits them to call. I need to get my head back in the healthier space but am somehow failing to feel anything other than unappreciated and less important than my sibling which is very immature and won't lead to anything good.

You are over reacting. You speak to them every other day so you are always having conversations with them. No one has dropped you, it doesn't mean your support isn't welcomed by them.

Second of all, stop facilitating your siblings finances with your parents. Send your own what you choose to send and leave them to sort theirs directly. You are just asking for trouble being the middle man in their finances.

Unfortunately I think when you're in contact so regularly with your parents, you get taken for granted. It's the same in my family. Me and my mum speak every day, I always make time for her, yet when my brother phones her once a month she can't stop gushing over it - because it feels more special because it's so much rarer. That's all it is. No problem that your call was cut short. You could have phoned back later or the next day. If your sibling is in contact as little as you say, your mum was probably worried that if she didn't pick up then, she wouldn't hear from them for another month.

You need to separate yourself from this sibling where your parents are concerned. It's nothing to do with you how much they contact your parents. Let them contribute financially without you being in the middle.

Agree your sibling's parental contribution should be a direct transaction rather than relying on you to administer and bear the brunt of failure to come up with the goods. Do your parents live in UK? There are benefits that they will be entitled to - not sure why you are having to support financially.

Don't be hurt about the phone call. As a parent of AC I do worry about them when I do not hear for a while ... I don't tell them that of course! But I can understand why your Mum might have wanted to take the call if it is a rare event. You are neither unappreciated nor less important - she just knows you are OK, but does not know that of your sibling. You are doing all the right things by keeping in touch as you do. Don't let this get under your skin - I have absolutely no doubt that your Mum appreciates you.

I do not know if you have children, but I am guessing you would do the same if it were the other way round.

You are being a great DD - pats on the back from me!

Thanks everyone. I agree that I was probably too sensitive here.

Just to quickly answer - my parents don't live in the UK (neither does my sibling). My parents live in a country with very low living standard which was also war-ravaged in the past. They raised us through all of it healthy, able and supported us in every way imaginable to go to university and build good lives for ourselves. Making sure they have roofs over their heads, medication they need and don't have to worry about survival in their old age is the least I can do. I do have a DD and I guess I'd feel the same as my mum.

You need to change so that siblings financial contribution is direct.