Thinking I’ve bitten off more than I can chew

[Pinkcloths]

We have two kids aged under 2. DH used to be mostly based at home but is now working in the office 3 days a week, sometimes more. The office is a long way away so he’s only getting home after the children are in bed and bedtimes are hellish. We don’t have any support.

I’m really feeling so tired and spread too thin. I don’t even know why I’m posting, it’s not like I can put one of them back!

Ive been there OP and it does seem like a treadmill when youre taking care of multiple under 2s. But there are 4 days when your dh is at home and can be available to take some of the load off you.
Work out with him what tasks he can take over - making meals /bath times/ just playing with the DC while you do something of your choice . That can simply be a long shower and hair drying session or sorting laundry mindlessly without having to have one child hanging off you while the other one screams for attention.

It will get better I promise. One day you will be able to sail out of the front door without several bags of kit and stay out until you choose to come home. Those days will come all too soon but until then your DH can step up .

How many hours are you working?

This is such a hard stage. Can you rest in the late afternoon? I used to enjoy a small beer with my feet up at around 4pm! (And mine are wider spaced). A little rest before the tea and bedtime shift.

There are things your husband can do to help. If he gets back after bedtime, he can cook and leave enough leftovers to cover the kids dinner the next day. He can take over all laundry putting a load in before he goes to work and catching up on weekends. He can also spend his Sundays batch cooking for the freezer and so on, refilling nappy bags, and putting toddler outfits together so you e got more time in the week.

it’s whether he will see that’s his role in contributing to the household and his kids as he’s absent for a lot of their care needs.

time to have a conversation.

I really feel your pain! I had two DC under 2 and DS is older (now 6) and autistic. I don’t know how I got through it, but I do remember always having the radio on so I could focus on the music and I could zone out for 30 seconds. Nap times were a blessing! We often had a slow walk to the park to kill time and the fresh air would help keep him calm. Luckily DD was easily pleased so enjoyed most things we done to occupy her brother.

You just have to believe you have the strength to get you through. That was the biggest turning point for me, just having faith in myself that it will get easier!

It's tough. The thing that got me through was routine, I had it so good that when hubby was home he just mucked up the routine! Routines, and time to yourself when they are down for the night. Make sure you're getting some fresh air in the day, or go to a group a couple of times a week. Can you afford household help with cleaning? This would cut you some slack.

I am currently on maternity leave. I normally work 4 days a week but may cut down to 3, not sure yet.

Thanks - it’s true I have DH at home for four days but he is working for two of those so while the evenings are better the days are still tough!