Work asking me to come in

[Emeraldrings]

DS is in hospital with a high temperature and because hes lethargic and not eaten since lunchtime yesterday. I have been up with him since 4am trying to cool him down.
111 advised hospital so I phoned work who said okay. I have now received a message asking me to come to work after the hospital if I can.
This feels wrong. DS is currently asleep on me in a hospital cubicle and he's , not a baby
I don't know when we'll be seen, when we'll be home or if it will be today. I'm in hospital with my sick child. Are they taking the piss by asking me to come in?

It's very unusual for a child to be in hospital for being unwell, so for that reason I wouldn't be at work. But I have a child who has been in hospital and I've been at work, the child was older, required to be in for observation, old enough to fall under support from the schools team during some of the day. Perhaps work are ignorant of the acute nature of the illness, you need to sometimes communicate more than you may feel is necessary. It's not always obvious when you say "they're in hospital" about the situation.

@Emeraldrings

Just be matter of fact with them. Stick to the events and be firm but unemotional. You are entitled to unpaid emergency time off.

"My son is in the hospital and I am with him. I will update you later today when I know what's happening."

Then later today update them in the same manner.

For example, My son was treated and discharged. He is still very unwell, I will update you again tomorrow.

Communicate factually. Dont get drawn into answering directly about the suggestion you need to come in.

You don't need to make excuses. You are needed elsewhere as it's an emergency and your child is ill.

This might be helpful - Time off for dependants

I hope your DS is better soon

Look it might have just been a clumsy worded text. They do not know exactly what is going on or have the full picture.

They said come into work if you can, they are giving you leeway not to come into work.

Keep your manager abreast of the situation. Carry on as you are.

No would not go in or be expected too. Hope he is soon feeling better.

Sending you a virtual hug @Emeraldrings - sounds like you're having a tough and worrying day.

I'd put your phone on silent for now and concentrate on yourself and your young child which is far more important now. If, later, you're able to message your manager an update then fine, but they aren't your priority for now. Take them at their word "come to work after the hospital if I can" and you can't really can you? I should imagine that, even if your son was released from hospital later today you'd want to be close at home with him anyway.

Also be guided by your manager's example when he takes time out when his own children are sick. Wishing you a well OP. 🌹

I feel for you OP. You are with your child, you will be staying with your child until you are sure they are safe. 3 is tiny - I wouldn’t leave my 7 year old in that situation.
”I’m in hospital with my poorly child following medical advice. I’m scared and worried and will not be returning to work today. I will update you as soon as I can this evening”

3 years old is a baby, your baby. Frankly, I'd be staying with my 11 and 14 year old too as they are still my babies.

Either ignore the text and put phone on airplane mode so they can't contact you. Or reply and say you won't be in. Family comes first....always!!

“I’m not able to come in as my son is in hospital. I’ll be turning my phone off as hospital have a no phones policy”

If my DS was in hospital, DH and I would both be right there with him. Work can go and fuck themselves.

It’s not about making sure a child has a parent with them in hospital. It’s about both parents wanting and needing to be with their sick child.

I am guessing you’ve never had to take a seriously ill child to hospital, although if I am wrong, shame on you for such a comment.

do read up on the link above about parental leave - although its unpaid you're entitled to it

They asked you to go in when your son is our of hospital if you can. It's not unreasonable of them. Tell them you don't know when he will be out and no you can't go in

I know but it felt like a massive guilt trip probably because I was tired and stressed at the time. I have calmed down a bit now. DS has tonsillitis and an ear infection but they aren't sure why his temperature was so high, as really shouldn't have been as high as it was. They have brought it down, although it took a while.
If it stays stable for another hour we can leave but if it rises again once home we have to take him back in. What a day.
Thanks for all your supportive messages.

I agree with @Safarisling the wording is off and a little juvenile.

Sounds like an employer who doesn’t trust their employees judgement and treats them like kids!

Just to be clear, are you advocating that the OP takes off just enough time to arrange childcare, but that you think it should be her husband - who you also presumably think should take time off unpaid to arrange childcare?

Do you realise how illogical that is? A parent IS the childcare in the majority of situations like this.

They can ask (although it’s cheeky of them) but you can say no. Either don’t reply or say “xx is unwell in hospital. I will let you know when I can return to work”

I think what the pp meant is that sometimes paid emergency leave can only be used for one day and then you have to make other child care arrangements, use annual leave, take unpaid leave etc. Those are our rules and I work for the NHS. This may be different elsewhere. Obviously sometimes managers will exercise some discretion depending on the circumstances. I hope you son is on the mend now OP.

If you end up going back in and have to
miss work again (or if there is any comeback about missing today) you could say that you needed to be on hand to give consent to possible treatment options ie sign a form. I
hope DS’s recovery continues though!

That's terrible!! Talk about poor management! Did they even ask how he was?? Or how you are? Time to start looking for a new job if you ask me!