To want to quit my job? (content warning added by MNHQ)

[WillyWalker]

Worked in health care/social care all my working life (25ish years). Taken low paid roles to fit around DHs career & juggling family life when needed.

Currently working for a charity supporting a certain clientele with their wellbeing. (Trying not to be too outing here.) Basically, if all were rosy in the garden, there would be no need for my role.

Tragically DD(13) was raped over the summer. I haven't known for that long. Since finding out, I literally could not give a monkey's about work. I used to be really good at my job because I used to really care about the people I supported. Today I find I am almost arguing with a client who is adamant I've lost documentation of hers and got our meeting time a week wrong. I haven't done either of those things, despite what I'm dealing with at home. I literally could have told her that if she actually attempted to help herself, there'd be no need for anybody else to be touching her documents. Sad thing is, I confided in her the other week so she knows what happened to DD.

Is this a standard reaction? Have tried to confide in others but the ridiculous comments I've received from my parents like "well she (DD) should have kept quiet; it's all part of growing up; at least she wasn't dragged into the bushes" has led me to asking strangers on the internet. Thinking about it, this client is the same age as my parents.

My DD is the same age as yours and has had a really traumatic year, for different reasons.

My response to that all came out through work. I couldn't focus properly, was over emotional and angry. I totally get where you're coming from.

I don't know if that answer is to give it time and let everyone's emotions settle and see how you feel, or say fuck it and walk away to make one bit of your life easier.

So sorry that happened to your daughter. It's horrific, and at 13 they're still really young and need you so much, more than they realise.

I’m so sorry that happened to your DD. Would you get paid if you took some time off?

Don’t tell your parents any more, they sound toxic, and (gently) obviously you shouldn’t be confiding in clients.

If it’s possible, take some time to try to come to terms with what has happened and to support DD. 💐

If you can, take unpaid parental leave. Don’t make any final decisions.

i hope you can get support for you and your daughter. What happened to her is horrendous.
The comments you received about it being “normal” are disgusting. It’s not a normal part of growing ups. It’s a traumatic life changing event. Don’t confide in clients.
sadly your parents have shown they cannot be trusted either

Your poor daughter, I’m so sorry. What a horrendous thing for her and you to deal with.

I can relate to your feelings about work. I love my job, find it very fulfilling and rewarding. However, we had a family tragedy this summer. It’s been horrific. On top of grieving, we’d had to deal with police investigations, solicitors, prepare for an inquest. It’s been rough and I find it so hard to keep my concentration at work.

I find people moaning at me about small things, and I feel like screaming at them and telling them they’re idiots who have no idea how petty and ridiculous they sound.

I don’t have any advice, OP- but you have my sympathy.

This @Docke

I went into work at 7am the morning after a particularly awful day involving hospital, police, etc, with my DD, and got shouted at about some Instagram reel that was apparently imperfect.

My mind exploded at that point.

Sorry to hear what has happened to your daughter. Totally understandable that you have lost interest in work.

However, what were you thinking confiding in a client? It's one thing giving minor info away to build rapport but to confide something so personal?

I think you should take some time off to spend time on yourself and your family.

Good luck.

I think you need a Dr to sign you off sick.

In the nicest possible way, you shouldn't be confiding in clients.

It must be incredibly overwhelming right now and you need time and someone professional to talk to

I'm in a very similar position to you as regards the situation with type of job and what's happened with my DD.

What your parents have said is simply appalling.

As regards your job, you're probably suffering from stress and possibly burnout. It is possible to just get fed up of dealing with other people's issues (especially when you can't deal with your own).

I've just resigned my job (I love the clients but problems in my personal and work life - bullying - have taken a huge toll on me). I'm going to have a break to recover and try to rebuild everything anew.

Good luck xx

Your poor daughter, I’m so sorry 😢

You must feel incredibly angry right now.
Last year I found out about sexual abuse within my wider family, and my fuse was the shortest it has ever been. I was (and still am) a simmering mess of anger, and I have zero time for people’s shit. And that’s nowhere near as immediate as my own daughter.

I agree with others about sick or parental leave. Even if it’s a short break, just time to get away from the demands of others. Your judgment is off, confiding in clients. Have you got support elsewhere? It sounds like you were desperately in need of someone to say it out loud to, if you chose a client. There are charities that suppose all those impacted.

As to your parents… their reaction is awful. If they’re usually good people, I would consider that sometimes people play things down because it’s so very hard to face the truth and go through what you are now. But if they’re generally arseholes - fuck them.

I hope you and your daughter both find the right support. And I hope the person that raped her rots in hell.

I think until you're traumatised, in shock, and likely in some degree of PTSD, you don't know how impossible it can feel to keep it all in. It literally leaked out of me uncontrollably.

I’m so sorry this has happened to your daughter. I hope she is getting the support that she needs, and you as a family are too.

I think some time off would be good. You’ve over stepped boundaries by telling your client, one who is obviously dealing with issues themselves. But I think deep down you realise that.

Nope… I understand trauma and shock. I would never understand betraying a confidence to this level multiple times.

My advice still stands. The OP needs a healthy outlet to work through this that doesn’t involve sharing with random people, including ones known to her daughter.

At what point does it state I betrayed a confidence multiple times? To random people?

Why would you tell a client?!?!

It’s natural to be like this after learning about something so awful happening to your DD

but kindly why are you going around telling people your child was raped? Unless she told your parents that was also a big no no.

your poor daughter

It does sound like you shouldn't have told your client if your role is support (and even in lots of other cases, it wouldn't be seen as professional. However that's beside the point.

In terms of quitting work, yes this is probably a normal reaction, it's hard to care about work so much when you have a trauma going on at home. As to whether you quit, that seems quite extreme. How easy would it be to get another job / the same job with the same benefits if you decided to go back later? Can you afford it? Would it actually benefit your daughter?

If your company are understanding you could approach them and explain you are under a lot of stress at home and you are finding work more difficult and ask them to support you as per their stress management policy while you go through this, before it gets to a place where you feel like you have no choice but to go off sick. That might be less client facing work for the time being or more time working from home in between visits or reducing your hours to part time while you deal with all of this. Or some counselling for you through some employee support system if there is one.

I'm so sorry about what that bastard did to your daughter, and I'm not surprised it's altered your perspective on work and other things. A close friend's sister was raped and she's literally never been the same person since, it's the sense of responsibility I think for her as well as the intense anger - the sense that somehow she could have/should have prevented it. Overwhelming.

I hate that sex offenders have this huge impact on not just their victims but the families and friends around them.

IMO you need some proper support, there must be a helpline that will speak to family members of people who've been raped. I would speak to your GP and explain that you need counselling. There's also an NHS questionnaire online which you could do which may indicate whether you're depressed.