To think (most) men will never understand?

discoafters · 2023-10-10T20:24:53+00:00

Went to Sainsbury’s and the car park was quiet and it was dark and a man approached me asking me for money. I didn’t have any and regardless I’m not opening my work bag, with my laptop, keys, phone inside. Did the shop, walked to my car and he approached me yet again. So I said very assertively to leave me alone you’re already approached me. It really fucks me off, like how it is acceptable to approach a woman alone in the dark asking her for something that’s going to make her vulnerable.

NuffSaidSam · 10/10/2023 21:28

Tbh I think if you're begging in a Sainsbury's carpark you're likely not in a state of mind to make the very best decisions re. who you're approaching/how well lit the carpark is etc.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 10/10/2023 21:30

Desperation. Selfishness.
I work in the city centre, i have a parking permit from work in a public underground car park. It is always full of rough sleepers. One of them followed me to my car last Christmas asking for money. He was harmless, all 'have a nice Christmas love' when i said no... but the car park is dimly lit and empty past 8pm so my heart was going like the clappers. It is scary qt times.

Antst · 10/10/2023 21:30

The thing is, they don't have to understand. Should they? Yes. But it doesn't matter if they don't.

You should feel free to say, "please get back," "leave me alone," or nothing at all.

Next time you're in the store, mention it to the manager and the security guard. They may care enough that this kind of behaviour will drive customers away that they'll make an effort to do something about the problem.

kitsuneghost · 10/10/2023 21:30

He probably just forgot he asked you.
Just ignore and get on with your evening

HiggyHop · 10/10/2023 21:34

YANBU.

I was walking alone to my car and a man asked me for change. I didn't want to engage and dint have any so I kept walking. He followed me repeatedly asking me for money.

He them started shouting 'THANKYOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING ME AND TREATING ME LIKE A FUCKING HUMAN!'

I understand it must be frustrating but I didn't feel safe. I didn't want to get my purse out or engage with a stranger at all in the dark.

Cowlover89 · 10/10/2023 21:37

Yanbu

Millybob · 10/10/2023 21:41

They're usually too pathetic to be scary - I mean, the penny hasn't even dropped that three years after lockdown nobody carries 'small change.' (I have seen a few cannier ones who take credit cards! Well, good luck - I suppose it's a business plan of sorts!)
But by all means complain to the supermarket. If Sainsbury's think you're shopping elsewhere, they might take some action.
Local beggars used to work a circular beat - station - Tesco -bus stop - back to Sainsbury's . A sharp 'I said no' always dealt with them.

WandaWonder · 10/10/2023 21:41

I don't think the person stood there ready to pounce in the first female they came across, the world does not revolve about being female

Things happen in life this 'omg I need a shield around me to protect me as I am a mere precious female' gets a bit boring

toddlermom1 · 10/10/2023 21:50

This happened to me last year heavily pregnant leaving a works do alone and was approached by a homeless guy at night asking for change. He walked right over to me i was terrified as there was no one about. Really made me angry as im not normally intimated as i would normally run off but it just felt so intrusive

girlfriend44 · 10/10/2023 21:55

They do it to woman because they feel less threatened and think women will give.

I watched a man once approach people in the street in daylight asking gor money and it was always women so there's your answer.

He felt safer asking you than a man.

I certainly wouldn't get on my high horse with him you never know how he might react.

You cannot stop people approaching you in life. Just deal with it calmly and sensibly. Be thankful also your not in the position he is in.

dottypotter · 10/10/2023 21:59

Never look down on someone unless you helping them up.
Sounds abit snobby to be honest. Clear the area of people who happen to be poor.
How dare they be poor?
Get Sainsburys to do your dirty work also because you have no idea how to deal with someone whose probably desperate.

Moro93 · 10/10/2023 22:08

@HiggyHop I kinda agree with him tbh. I get that you felt threatened and approaching people in the dark is never good, but 99.9% of beggars are harmless and back off instantly when told no. You didn’t even acknowledge his existence…

Peskysquirrel · 10/10/2023 22:10

dottypotter · 10/10/2023 21:59

Never look down on someone unless you helping them up.
Sounds abit snobby to be honest. Clear the area of people who happen to be poor.
How dare they be poor?
Get Sainsburys to do your dirty work also because you have no idea how to deal with someone whose probably desperate.

You've totally missed the point of the thread.
Stop trying to guilt trip the OP about things she never said.
It's not up to women to put their own concerns to one side to make a bloke feel comfortable, homeless or not.

Catusrusty · 10/10/2023 22:11

dottypotter · 10/10/2023 21:59

Never look down on someone unless you helping them up.
Sounds abit snobby to be honest. Clear the area of people who happen to be poor.
How dare they be poor?
Get Sainsburys to do your dirty work also because you have no idea how to deal with someone whose probably desperate.

What a horrible response to someone who was nervous about their personal safety.

I hope it made you feel good about yourself dismissing that concern as snobbishness.

Mydogmybestfriend · 10/10/2023 22:14

Agree I had the same issue also In a Sainsbury's but they are desperate and don't care

GarlicGrace · 10/10/2023 22:18

Three posts already proving the OP's point 🙄

How many men are on high alert whenever they're alone in a dark place? How many men live with the knowledge that, if a man sexually assaults them in that place, everyone including the police will go "WELL, YOU PUT YOURSELF IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION! DID IT REALLY HAPPEN ANYWAY??"

Do you all teach your sons to avoid dark car parks, dark streets, empty parks, etc?

How many men brace for combat every time they're alone with a man they don't know? Why don't men know or care that women are expected to think like prey because, for some men, we are?

lookingforMolly · 10/10/2023 22:19

There's a local beggar (not sure if he's actually homeless or lives near here) who always begs off me mainly because I don't totally ignore him as I think it's rude, however I always say to him 'I don't have any cash' which is true, I don't carry cash.
So the last time I saw him he said 'you could do me a bank transfer on your phone'. Clearly he's got with the times. But it was a no. I don't want to support his very obvious addiction.

Beggars are generally desperate (for a reason) and that's why they are happy to beg off anyone, anywhere.

Crumpleton · 10/10/2023 22:20

I'd probably be the same if it was dark and in the car park, it would put me on edge.

Had he of been sat/standing outside the door I'd of offered to buy him food/drink but not given money.

AzureBlue99 · 10/10/2023 22:29

Yesterday it was reported that a woman in a park saw a man on a bench she thought had collapsed and tried to wake him up. He woke up and sexually assaulted her. Women are in danger wherever or whatever they do. It's not about being fragile, it's about having to be on guard all the time. Approaching women in dark car parks is not on.

4catsaremylife · 10/10/2023 22:38

I can absolutely sympathise. Last week I turned out my purse and apologized for the change, explaining payday was the next week to a guy outside Morrisons.
He thanked me but then on the way out collared me saying "I need 20 quid for a bed tonight" I again said that I couldn't help as I had already given him all the cash I had until I was paid which was the truth.
He then said "there's a money machine just there, it's just 20 quid!"
I was absolutely astounded. I don't have a particularly well paid job and £20 is over an hour's wage for me.
Needless to say I did not go to the money machine.