AIBU to inform the Head?

[Mrsfromarthur]

DD in Yr1. Tiny rural school. Remote area.
Last year on playground I met the Mum DH and I now call GM in private (Gossip Mum). She just moved to the village the previous year and was very very keen to make friends and socialise her daughter - nothing wrong with that.

Quickly she became overbearing. She would hold a whole class play date at her house every week in Reception - on one occasion she even paid for an entertainer for the kids. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday or a party. Just a play date. She would be very unkind about those who did not attend - usually because they were doing other things and couldn’t spare the time every week. She often would gather a little group of Mums on the playground, myself included, and slate the child who had not come, saying ‘do they not want nice play dates’. I upped my working hours that year and she would text me 3 or 4 times a shift. I couldn’t answer while working, and she would also then text something like ‘everything okay, I am so worried!’. I decided to back off eventually. I saw she was being kind and not doing anything wrong really. It was just off putting. I’ve always been civil and it’s been mostly fine since I started to step away.

Until this school year.
My DD and hers have clashed massively this year. It’s been one thing after the other. Huge fall outs. My DD in tears most days in the last two weeks. It sounds as if they just rub each other up the wrong way completely. One will say they like Lego, the other one will say they don’t like Lego and then they will say they can’t be friends, ignore each other in a huff, both end up crying and ignoring each other. It escalates hugely quickly. I know my DD is as much to blame, and have worked hard with her on how to react to other people. Taken her to lots of extra play dates and new clubs to build her friendship groups. Read her children’s books about resolving conflict.

Its all gone up a notch in the last few days. My DD is claiming that the other child throws large parts of my DDs dinner on the floor. She tells her when she can and can’t use the toilet. She tells other children to ignore, and not to play with my child. DD is distraught.

The issue is that GM now has a job in the school. She’s admin staff. She texts people when she sees kids are off poorly, to ask how their kids are because she sorts the registers out and can see what they are unwell with. She shares info about what is wrong with teachers when they are off poorly - usually on drunken nights out in our local. She’s a nightmare - nose in everyone’s business.

I want an appointment with the kids teacher to speak about what’s been happening to DD lately. Can’t call or email, as GM will see it.

AIBU to try and corner the Head first thing? He’s usually on playground. Will it make things worse?

The way to deal with this is to disengage. Let the teacher deal with any fallouts and avoid getting involved with gossip yourself. Going to the head to complain about her gossiping is stooping to a low level. It sounds like you dislike her and want to see if you can get her into trouble. You don't need to do this. Just ignore.

A HT isn't going to be able to act on gossip.

Talk to the teacher about your child. To make an appointment you only have to share the minimum with the admin lady. ‘I have a concern about my child, that I would line to discuss’

Have you any proof of this woman’s breach of confidentiality in her job role? Possibly SM posts - which would breach school policy? If you have, look up the schools complaints procedure on the school website and follow it.

If she’s talking about staff members the Head needs to know. She also shouldn’t be messaging parents about the children - I know that probably comes from a good place, but she shouldn’t be using her knowledge to contact the parents about the children.

I would simply email the school to ask for an appointment with the Head about a personal matter. You don’t need to explain what that is in your request. If she says anything to you, again raise that when you see the Head.

Her over investment is off-putting. No matter if it’s kindly meant, she needs a bit more training methinks!

You also need to talk to the class teacher about your daughter, rather than the Head. They’re your first port of call with regard to friendship issues.

Schools related issues yes, gossip and play dates no

If she's gossiping and breaking gdpr rules by contacting parents of kids off then definitely complain as it's a breach of safeguarding and other rules of her employment. But you need concrete proof.

just email and ask teacher to call you for a catch up.

If she is breaking confidentiality about staff and students, and you have proof of this, then the school need to know. Even you have no proof, dates and times with specific statements she has made may allow the school to act. Confidentiality is a safeguarding issue, and if she's sharing details of teacher health in the pub, that's also potentially putting the school in a really difficult position in terms of employment law.

I would also try to raise with the head that you don't feel able to contact the class teacher about an issue because you know she'll read it and see it.

If you can speak to the class teacher directly, then ask her for a meeting regardless, if she tells you to go via this person, tell her you don't feel you can do that and why.

You have three separate issues and they need to be dealt with by two different people in school.

1. Discuss issues relating to your child with her class teacher.
2. If this woman has contacted you inappropriately when your daughter is off sick, then raise it with the head. (Other parents can report if it happens to them about their child.)
3. If you have heard this woman gossiping about school staff or seen social media posts, then again raise it with the head, not the class teacher.

Definitely approach your daughter's teacher for a meeting & if you have proof of her indiscretions, then see the Head - it would be a sackable offence in my school to breach confidentiality like that!

Just say you want to catch up with your child's teacher about a confidential matter regarding your child and then explain fully when you're in the meeting?