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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD have a biscuit?

28 replies

LethalToddlerElbows · 10/10/2023 19:16

DD is 2, and going through a fussy phase with food (well it's been a few months).

We are trying not to make a big deal when she refuses things, she doesn't have to finish her dinner to get pudding (yoghurt which she loves).

Tonight we were having our dinner and I served up things she has eaten before and liked - chicken, potatoes, carrots, a few other vegetables. She picked at the potatoes and then said she didn't want anymore but could she have her yoghurt. I said yes and gave it to her and she ate it all. I then asked if she wanted to try some more carrots/chicken and she said no. Then DH said 'oh what about a biscuit'?

I was HmmHmmHmm and said no she doesn't have to have her dinner but she's not having anything else.

He then proceeded to accuse me of using food to reward/punish, which we said we wouldn't do (we did) but I don't see it like that. I wasn't making a big deal out of it and she never even mentioned a biscuit until he said it! Then she got upset because she didn't get one.

She's also been at nursery today where she always eats loads, usually seconds at lunch and they have plenty of snack times. And she still has bedtime milk.

So AIBU or was DH?

OP posts:
whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 10/10/2023 19:19

She is 2 ..give her a biscuit!

Cheeesus · 10/10/2023 19:20

I’m with you. Try everything and if they don’t like them then fruit, yoghurt or cheese and oatcakes a bit later if still hungry.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/10/2023 19:21

🙄A biscuit isn’t crime of the century really…..

Whattodo112222 · 10/10/2023 19:26

It's a biscuit for god sake not crack cocaine.

Ollifer · 10/10/2023 19:27

If your DH offered her one you should have given her one, obviously that would upset a child and it's just mean. But in future I'd just offer a healthier alternative even a piece of toast would be better

Worriednanof1 · 10/10/2023 19:29

I agree with you, she will quickly learn that she can leave her dinner but won't go hungry due to getting biscuits.

Believeitornot · 10/10/2023 19:31

Give the biscuit because your DH suggested it but have a discussion later about approach.

Sometimes they don’t want the food because they’re tired. If they’re anything like me, when I’m tired I don’t always want certain foods even if I usually like them!

Oysterbabe · 10/10/2023 19:33

I would have given it to her after DH said and then spoke to DH about it later. A one off biscuit won't hurt and I don't think you should undermine eachother.

Moosethemouse · 10/10/2023 19:34

100% with you here, why on Earth would anyone think the right thing to do is offer biscuits in this situation?!

Cowlover89 · 10/10/2023 19:34

Give her the biscuit

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2023 19:37

You're both wrong! No rewards (pudding) for eating. No sugary crap if she doesn't eat.

Serve nice, healthy food; she either eats it or doesn't.

parietal · 10/10/2023 19:39

DH was wrong to offer the biscuit. You could have given in just once, on the basis that this battle isn't needed today. But DH shouldn't be offering biscuits ever dinner time.

bellac11 · 10/10/2023 19:44

I personally wouldnt have offered the biscuit, but he is also her parent and may make different decisions to you

RedHelenB · 10/10/2023 19:45

Believeitornot · 10/10/2023 19:31

Give the biscuit because your DH suggested it but have a discussion later about approach.

Sometimes they don’t want the food because they’re tired. If they’re anything like me, when I’m tired I don’t always want certain foods even if I usually like them!

This.

Sealover123 · 10/10/2023 19:46

Agree with you

zophi · 10/10/2023 19:48

The advice now is to serve all foods together. No one food is good or bad by itself.

So, veg, protein, rice, yoghurt, cheese, berries / cake etc or whatever you have all on one plate ideally with compartments. Eventually it takes the stigma out of foods and kids don’t choose sweet stuff first if they know it’s not any more special than other foods. Also lessens chance of eating disorders developing and encourages healthy relationships with food

MrsBrownsBattenburg · 10/10/2023 19:50

I wouldn't have argued after he offered it. Everything in moderation! But I'd maybe have a chat later on about being on the same page about meals. Feeding Littles has lots of good information about how to approach food with kids to set them up for eating well Smile

Coffeerum · 10/10/2023 19:51

I would not be offering a biscuit in place of dinner. 2 year olds aren’t stupid, if she thinks she can get a biscuit instead of dinner next time then she will simply hold out for that.

Binshark · 10/10/2023 19:53

Kids know sugar is special. It doesn’t matter how nonchalant you are about it: we have literally evolved to find sugar special. Offering the biscuit is madness - she is prime age to learn she can skip dinner and eat biscuits. By the way, if it’s a kid’s yogurt it probably has as much sugar as a biscuit. But in these situations you have to bite your tongue and argue about it later.

Darkmode2 · 10/10/2023 19:53

zophi · 10/10/2023 19:48

The advice now is to serve all foods together. No one food is good or bad by itself.

So, veg, protein, rice, yoghurt, cheese, berries / cake etc or whatever you have all on one plate ideally with compartments. Eventually it takes the stigma out of foods and kids don’t choose sweet stuff first if they know it’s not any more special than other foods. Also lessens chance of eating disorders developing and encourages healthy relationships with food

Surely all kids are going to fill up on the sweet and tasty stuff first though? Doesn't matter if they don't think it's a treat, it's always going to be the most appealing part

zophi · 10/10/2023 20:00

Darkmode2 · 10/10/2023 19:53

Surely all kids are going to fill up on the sweet and tasty stuff first though? Doesn't matter if they don't think it's a treat, it's always going to be the most appealing part

Show quote history

I’d have thought the same - but apparently not

bellac11 · 10/10/2023 20:24

We're designed as animals to seek out high calorie, fat and carb dense foods so no matter what stigma people think is or isnt there (and this is overrated as a concept), people will seek out refined carbs and fat as a priority.

People dont eat those things because they think they're 'naughty' or forbidden or were denied them, they eat those things because our bodies are designed to seek them out.

A child is no different.

Juicyjuicymango · 10/10/2023 20:30

Darkmode2 · 10/10/2023 19:53

Surely all kids are going to fill up on the sweet and tasty stuff first though? Doesn't matter if they don't think it's a treat, it's always going to be the most appealing part

Show quote history

I'm sure it depends on the child to some extent but we took this approach and it did work.

I serve DD (2)s food all together. We don't always have something sweet but if there's a biscuit she'll usually nibble it and then crack on with the main meal. Sometimes she doesn't even go back to it.

Yoghurt on the other hand she always eats first but will then continue with the main meal so I don't really mind.

In the OPs situation one biscuit isn't the end of the world but I think the most important thing is to both be on the same page about offering food.

Didimum · 10/10/2023 20:30

zophi · 10/10/2023 19:48

The advice now is to serve all foods together. No one food is good or bad by itself.

So, veg, protein, rice, yoghurt, cheese, berries / cake etc or whatever you have all on one plate ideally with compartments. Eventually it takes the stigma out of foods and kids don’t choose sweet stuff first if they know it’s not any more special than other foods. Also lessens chance of eating disorders developing and encourages healthy relationships with food

This is what we do. It’s great advice.

Original poster
LethalToddlerElbows · 10/10/2023 20:31

Thanks for the comments - a bit of a mixture then!

For context, I do allow her biscuits but frankly I don't want her to have loads and not in place of a balanced dinner. She is really switched on and would definitely remember and ask again the next night.

I seem to have all these niggling feeling that I'm doing it wrong when it comes to food. I want her to eat healthily, but I don't want to tell her that certain foods are 'bad' or 'only for treats' and make her want them even more!

OP posts: