AIBU to see no hope

[itsallshite]

We are waiting for a diagnosis for my 10 year old DD, likely on Autistic spectrum. But even with a diagnosis it all feels hopeless.

She is hell to live with. No empathy or ability to read situations or compromise on anything. It's her way all the time or all hell breaks loose.

The rest of us are like doormats. I've explained/ suggested/ helped her see other people's POV over and over but it's like she's Teflon coated. It all just bounces off.

The other day we had a relaxed non stressy chat about a kind friend at school. She asked off her own bat, unprompted in a totally bemused way 'why are people kind? I don't get it? What makes them do those things?'

That sums it up really. She's not mean. She just doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. So we all suffer.

Not to mention all the other traits. But this one is the hardest.

How the hell do we get through family life without being doormats/ losing the rag.

Perhaps you could talk to her about kindness coming back to her. If we treat other people well, they are likely to be nicer to her. I'm sure she notices if they aren't. I know it isn't guaranteed, because sometimes people are just horrible. But since self-interest is more likely to motivate her, talk to her about the benefits and rewards of behaving well.

I have many times (I gave up explaining altruism as it seemed too big a leap) but she doesn't seem to care. She just wants people to do what she says or she won't bother with them. But family isn't like that. We are stuck together.

To be honest I'm more keen to find ways for the rest of us to cope at the moment. She's fine. It's the siblings/ family that are miserable