SS early starts

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DH has a son who is 18. Stays with us on and off - we did have a schedule of week on/week off until he turned 18 but now it’s more flexible. He has spent the last few weeks at his mums, for example, as it is closer to his work, and now he will stay with us for a week.

He has a full time job in a trade business and leaves the house around 6.15am. Every time he stays here he is up early and crashes around, waking me up. Normally around 6am but this morning at 5.50am. I don’t get up late, at 6.30am, but that extra half an hour really affects my day and I feel like shit today. It also feel anxious for half an hour after I wake up as it’s always a big crash with him running around the place.

He’s not doing it on purpose, but I honestly don’t know what to do now as we have told him a million times and he simply doesn’t take notice and couldn’t care less that other people are trying to sleep at that time.

Any tips? I have tried ear plugs but I can’t sleep in them. It’s honestly driving me insane and makes me dread him coming as I know it’s going to happen so I feel on edge.

We live in a flat so not even a house where we can have his room far away from us

Just to add it’s not always just a week at ours. Sometimes he could be here 2/3 weeks so it affects my sleep in the long term

It doesn't matter what is said, your DH has to be onboard. It could be deliberate, does he actually like you? It's time for him to grow up and show consideration. How you get him to do that would take you and your DH.

Yes he does like me and we get on fine in every other scenario - he is just so loud all the time, has no idea how to walk quietly, always slamming cupboards etc

I’ve told me DH today that we have to talk about it properly later as it’s been going on too long. I also lost it a bit this morning (I think having three weeks of uninterrupted sleep, I realised what I had been missing!) and made DH go down at 5.50 and tell him to shut up.

To be fair SS then text DH about 8am apologizing and saying he shouldn’t have been so loud, was rushing to make his train etc, but I’m sure it will be the same sorry again tomorrow

Is it only you who is woken up? If so, I think you need to change that. I would be waking my husband and sending him to deal with it every single time.

One of my sons gets up at 4am for work. I have insomnia, so often don't get to sleep until 3am. I was being woken every morning by his alarm, and then kept awake by him crashing around. I got up every morning for a week and made a huge fuss about being woken. Eventually, the message stuck in his head and now he doesn't wake me. Since he isn't your child, I would send his dad to do it, but this shouldn't be something that is allowed to happen without comment.

Being honest with yourself - is he loud or are you just a light sleeper? Because it reads like you're the only one who's being disturbed by his early starts.

I am a light sleeper yes but he is definitely loud. My husband sleeps like a log, so I’d say he is woken up 50% of the time, me 100% of the time.

Whether i’m a light sleeper though, I should be able to sleep in my home

Yes I sent my husband down today as I was fuming, and I’ll be doing the same from now on. He normally only wakes up around half time time my SS is crashing around so maybe if I start waking him up every time too then he will be sick of it

Of course you should be able to sleep, but I do think light sleepers need to take some responsibility for their sleep too. I say that as an exceptionally light sleeper myself with a DH who is up at a sparrow's fart every morning for work.

So yes, he should keep the noise down but realistically, it's impossible to get ready for work and leave the house in total silence.

I'm trying to picture what he could actually be crashing around with though? How loud can someone possibly be getting ready and maybe having breakfast?

If you're a light sleeper it sounds like you would wake up regardless of what the noise level is.

What do you think would be an appropriate action here?
It is his home too.

What would your reaction be if he was complaining that you woke him up at 6:30? Would you think he just had to get over it?

Whether i’m a light sleeper though, I should be able to sleep in my home

Quite. But people living in their own home should also be able to get up and get themselves ready and out for work, using their own bedrooms and communal spaces. As long as he is trying to be quiet, he isn't at fault for needing to be up at out at 6am.

Whilst he should be trying harder to be quiet and not disturb you is there anything you can do to soundproof/reduce the noise?
e.g.

• thicker carpets/extra rugs
• thicker more soundproof bedroom door
• soft close cupboard doors/foam dots strategically placed on edges of cupboards to reduce slamming volume
• soft close toilet seat etc.

If you can do some of those things, even the cheaper options, it might help make the noises less jarring and increase the chances of you sleeping through them.

He is very heavy footed and runs from his bedroom to the bathroom, slams the bathroom door. Then when he is making breakfast he slams the cabinets too.

This is my issue - he isn’t trying to even walk around quietly to avoid waking up other people. I have another stepson who is 16 and the same size as SS18 but I literally never hear him in the mornings etc as he is respectful and understands that he shares a home with other people.

The times I have to be up before then I do my best to be quiet, if it’s an early hour.

I have tried padding on the bathroom door etc as he always slams that but it just made the door hard to close and so he slammed it even more!

but thank you i’ll have another think about noise reducing things that could work 😊