to not like a 10-year old?

[ClawedButler]

DD's friend is always coming round, and I never really liked her but couldn't put my finger on why.

She wears my clothes sometimes. She tries to hug and touch me like my DD does. And last week she said something racist and I was horrified.

But she's only 10. It feels wrong to take so strongly against a child, but she just gives me the creeps.

YABU: She's a child, ffs, get over yourself

YANBU: Ewh no, I wouldn't like that either

Ok, the racist thing - I wouldn't let her call around anymore.

Separately, put a stop to the clothes thing. Get a lock for your door and lock your bedroom when she's around. (Which she shouldn't be, given the racist thing.)

I wouldn't like the racism and would tell a 10 year old that I didn't want to listen to that kind of comment.

Have you told her not to touch your clothes or go to your soon? Most 10yo would be fine with that being a condition of staying at yours.

As for the touching - I wouldn't like it and would assume that she had special needs so was copying dd or had a home life where she can't hug her mum.

How the hell is a 10 year old getting access to your clothes?

This does not sound like a child with a good home life. What do you know about her family?

For context, I know her parents well and she doesn't have any special needs AFAIK, and can definitely hug her own mum. She just has no boundaries. When she's round, she and my DD will go into my room and stuff while I'm downstairs working.

I think I need to impress more strongly on DD that other people can't treat me like I'm their mum.

Her family are quite eccentric, which I rather like. That might explain the poor boundaries, as the parents don't really give a hoot for convention or what other people think.

I think they wouldn't be pleased with the racist comment though. I don't know if I can or even should bring it up with them.

The racist thing will be coming from her parents no doubt. Regarding your clothes, you need to tell your dd that when she has friends round your room is out of bounds. If her friend wants to go in there it's up to your daughter to inform her they're not allowed.

It's OK not to like a person of any age. However, in this instance there are two things I would consider. First and the most important is communication and setting boundaries. Did you tell both of them that they are not allowed to touch your things? Did you tell the girl that you would prefer not to be touched? Why are you leaving your young child to pass the message that you don't want for her friend to treat you like her mum? It is not up to your daughter to set boundaries. You are the adult.
As far as racists comment, at this age kids may not necessarily be aware of these issues if they are not discussed at home. Especially if it comes to repeating language they heard elsewhere, they simply won't always know what the term means. So again, you could have calmly told her that her comment is offensive. I had to do it with my 13 y/o the other day with quite a basic homophobic slur she used entirely out of context. She had no idea what it meant and was simply parroting something she heard online or from one of her friends. We didn't make a big deal out of it but simply explained what the word meant. She was absolutely horrified.