To worry all the time about my child's popularity/social life

[weekschart]

My son is in year one in an independent school in a small northern city.

I'm not sure I fit in with some of the more popular mums. I know them enough to chat to them etc but not as close as some of them are with each other.

I worry all the time that it'll affect my son's friendships. Like they won't invite my son to things because they're not as close to me.

On the other hand, they're only small yet, and I should just try and relax?

Anyone else feel the same? Any advice on what to do?

(I do arrange play dates which have always been nice, I intend to keep doing that)

I think you're overthinking it. I mean, some parents, and I think at independent schools, in particular, can be quite exclusive about who they socialise with. But at Y1 surely, they are hardly really socialising much? My youngest is in Y1 and I don't think has had a playdate yet. He has plenty of friends at school and is very sociable. I know the other mums pretty well as several have children in my older dc's class too. He plays with friends from his year when he sees them out and about (village fete, various local activities, village BBQ, etc.) and he plays with neighbours (not in same year). But it's still quite early for loads of playdates unless most other mums are SAHP. If people are working, the guard their time quite closely and there isn't much free time after school or on the weekends. I personally tend to avoid playdates for that reason. I don't mind dropping and running, but I don't want to socialise with other parents. I'm tired and busy and don't need more friends. So I really wouldn't assume that people don't like you or that he doesn't have friends. But definitely invite friends over if you have the time and would like them to visit and just offer to either collect them from school with yours or the parent is welcome too and keep it casual.

It's a good point that time is precious.

I worry about him not being invited to many parties this year (last year the whole class was invited to pretty much everyone's 5th parties). I think this year there will be fewer like that.

It's something I worry about, probably because when I was growing up my mum made zero effort in the playground, never reciprocated play dates etc so I didn't have many opportunities to deepen friendships outside of school. It's a big insecurity of mine.

I would like to not make similar mistakes with my children

It's mainly the party thing that I'm worried about this year

When my children started school, it brought up lots of feelings/memories of my own childhood and how I was parented.

I found therapy really helpful to unpick some of my worries.

You’re really overthinking it. My mum wasn’t social with the other school mums and I had a great social life and friends. And enjoy your life away from school mums…

Thank you - good to know.

I'm finding it hard going in that sense, but he's in a much better school than I was, and I think I'm trying much harder than my mum was able too. Hopefully they'll both be fine