Can I please have opinion on a situation about my wedding? This will probably be long but I’ll try and keep it short. I’m also going to change names.
I work with a colleague called Sophie who is like a mother figure to me, we have gotten really close, her partner called John is my mums ex husband from 10 years ago. They was married for 6 years it was a bad marriage they drunk a lot, would argue and fight, he did not like me & my siblings. I was 16 when they divorced. I have some vague good memories, but mainly bad. I did not get on with him at all. when I got close with Sophie, I decided to put the past behind me and be civil with John. I’ve been to their house, said hello when he picks her up, but it’s mainly because I was so close with Sophie. Before I started my job I didn’t see John for over 10 years, when he left my mother it wasn’t a ‘I’m a devoted stepfather I’ll still see you’ he left and that was that, I wasn’t bothered. Anyway so I’m getting married this week and originally Sophie didn’t want to come as it’s awkward but I said my mother doesn’t care and Sophie can be with the lot from work etc, I did say months ago before any official plans that John could pop up with her in the evening. When we started planning properly I sat down with my fiancé and said I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for John to come due to the face him & my mother had such a bad relationship & him and my oldest sister had such a bust up and he said things to her she can not forgive or forget. Now originally I did tell my mum and sister he may be going and they just said ok we will ignore him,but when I’ve thought about it I decided I just didn’t want the tension, awkwardness of it (I was only inviting him because of how close I am with Sophie) I had a chat with Sophie and explained and she’s obviously upset he can’t come, but I’ve explained why and she came back with ‘well is your family telling the truth about him to you’ I was like well I lived with him for 6 years like I know what he was like to me and my family. Sophie isn’t talking to me in work now (she’s 60, I’m 27) and she’s going around telling people lies about me/my family and 2 girls who was coming is no longer going to the wedding (evening) I tried to talk to her about it again but she keeps saying ‘just forget it’ I’ve only done what I thought was best for me and my family, and it’s not like he’s an active person in my life, I only seen him the least year after 10+ years because of Sophie, before that I hadn’t spoke or thought of him since I was a teen. Sophie won’t come if John isn’t ‘welcome’ which I’m gutted about cos I was very close with her, but I thought she’d understand but she’s going around telling people my/our business in work now 😠more stress leading up to the wedding, I've just had 2 miscarriages back to back and last one being 2 weeks ago just currently recovering emotionally and physically from this which she also knows about :(
I understand maybe I shouldn't in the first place said he could come, but I didn't really think about it properly at the time & when I sat down and really was proper planning I just really decided it's in me and my families best interest for him not to be there. Now when he was married to my mum, they did have an awful marriage and I'm not saying my mums perfect but he was a really bad man when they was together, and I remember it all I was age 10-16. He seems good to Sophie now which I'm glad about, but it doesn't change how he was to me and my family, I just decided to put the past behind me and be decent to him
for Sophie's sake because of how close we became. I'm just wondering what's he's been telling Sophie about me and my family. I know there's 2 sides and she's gonna stick
Up for her partner, but I know what happened as I lived through it.
Also to add when I started my job 2 years ago I knew Sophie was johns current partner, but it didn't bother me because I was in work and we just got close regardless of that.
So AIBU to decide to not have him there? I really thought I've done what's best for me and my family and I just feel absolutely awful about it. Wedding is in 3 days and it's put a proper downer on things. Thanks if you read all this and I apologise if I repeated things and the text is different, I copied it from my notes app.