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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School mum

17 replies

Puppywillow · 10/10/2023 11:12

I think a school mum from my DDs reception class has taken a dislike to me but I’ve no idea why. I don’t think there’s any physical reason for this. Although I am quite a young mum. I smile, I chat to some of the other mums, but whenever I walk past this mum she just gives me a really evil glare or looks at me like I’ve done something awful, I can’t really explain it but it’s like a proper scowl and she scrunches her nose up at me (I don’t smell!) she just looks at me like I am dirt on a shoe basically. im definitely not imagining it and it’s making me uncomfortable on drop off and pick up. This morning I avoided eye contact as we walked past each other and I could feel her eyes staring at me even then. There’s no problems between my DD and hers either. 4 or 5 of them all go into class holding hands including mine and her DC so they’ve all formed friendships together. What would you do?

OP posts:

Littlegreene82 · 10/10/2023 11:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleNebula84 · 10/10/2023 11:16

Kill her with kindness... Some people are just strange and there is no pleasing them... You'll probably never find out what/why she dislikes you, but it is her problem, not yours.

Coffeerum · 10/10/2023 11:20

What would you do?

Nothing?
Why does she need to like you?
You don't know her, just get on with your life.

Hickry · 10/10/2023 11:22

I'd ignore her and pretend she didn't exist. 🤷

BerriesNutsConkers · 10/10/2023 11:25

Don't give it head space and carry on treating her as you would anyone else.

fedupandstuck · 10/10/2023 11:26

I would just ignore the strange face she is making and leave her alone. She has an issue, it may well be nothing to do with you or anything you might have done. Be polite and friendly if she ever speaks to you, but don't initiate anything. Then just forget all about it.

CornishClott · 10/10/2023 11:28

If it wasn't you it would be someone else . She has the problem not you . Ignore her .

Sunshineclouds11 · 10/10/2023 11:30

I'd just keep avoid making eye contact tbh. Or if you do, I'd smile. As pp said, kill her with kindness.

isthesolution · 10/10/2023 11:38

Similar situation. A school mum hates me. She claimed when my little one first started school that they'd be playing a baddies and goodies type game and my child had said something like 'I'll lock you up forever in the prison'

She text me saying her child couldn't sleep and my child had disturbed hers and I needed to speak to them. At the time I apologised and suggested talking to the teacher if there were further problems but that my child thought they were just playing the game - the goodies were supposed to put the baddies in prison.

Anyway ....... ever since her and her husband give me death looks at every collection. I used to say 'hello' or smile and hurry by but was completely ignored. Now I completely ignore her back because I refuse to be treat like I've done something wrong.

She also seems to have a 'bestie' school mam - they change regularly with the previous one cast aside when their children upset her little princess.

You can only control your own behaviour. So just be polite and nice to everyone. If she chooses to be like that - let her!

Abitslow · 10/10/2023 11:40

Id let her carry on like shes not there.
Young mum older mum no matter what the age there is always stigma .
You have a baby 19 -20s your to young have a baby 39 - 50 to old .
dont let people get to you you do you smile when passing.

Lilacanemone · 10/10/2023 12:24

It’s uncomfortable having to ignore or avoid people who have an unknown problem, so I would smile and make a comment about the weather or how nice it is to see the kids walking in together holding hands. If she still scowls and doesn’t answer, either keep smiling and being pleasant if you can or give up and ignore her in future.

BeggyMitchell · 10/10/2023 12:25

Let her get on with it OP, honestly in a group of 100 people or more there will always be oddballs whose motivations for acting the way they do are just unfathomable.

When I was visibly pregnant with DC2 I had similar at the school drop off. Had never spoken to the woman (our dc were in different years) ; had been semi-aware of the bitchy looks anyway but pretty much too knackered & in a hurry to rise to it. One day she came up and said "god you're HUGE" and walked away, I was nonplussed to say the least.

All you can do is see the funny side as in WTF!?

Chickpea17 · 10/10/2023 12:38

Bugger all. Just get on with your life

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/10/2023 12:41

Either keep ignoring head down walk past and don't acknowledge her OR the cheeriest good morning you cab manage everytime she looks at you. Overall though try not to even give her another thought. She's either got an unfortunate facial expression or she's not a very nice person.

Crazycatlady56 · 14/11/2023 10:51

I'd just try to ignore her/avoid her. I appreciate it is difficult though, especially at school pick-up and drop off as sometimes you have no choice but to wait for the door to open or for your child to come out of school.
My daughter is a chatterbox and is always one of the last to come out, so Im usually hanging around for a good 5 - 10 minutes before she appears!
I dont for a second think that she is worth spending your time getting upset over, but I can imagine it has hurt your feelings and that you are wondering what you have done to deserve her scowling at you! People are so so strange, it could be that perhaps you once didn't hear her say good morning and she thought you were blanking her...bit tbh it could be anything! I had a similar thing this morning at school drop off, I saw a Mum that I knew from my eldest daughter's nursery school (my eldest daughter is 13, so me and this mum have been acquaintances for a while). She was walking towards me and my youngest daughter, so I smiled at her and she smiled back....but then her smile turned into a laugh and she basically walked past me laughing in my face! I didn't know what to make of it so just carried on and dropped my youngest daughter off at school. But on the way home, I felt really shitty about it and wondered why she would have laughed at me! I even got my camera on my phone to make sure I didnt have anything on my face! Anyway my point is that people are sometimes awful and there is nothing we can do about it. Hopefully, this mum will eventually stop giving you evils but in the meantime I would just be glad that you aren't as horrible as she is! She sounds like a sad, nasty person and I think you are better off not knowing her. I mean we can all have resting bitch face at times but to actually scrunch her nose up like you disgust her is so bitchy and unnecessary! So my advice would be to ignore her. I think saying Good Morning in a cheery voice will only give her ammunition to sneer at you even more. I have tried that in the past with other mums and it never really gets you anywhere, apart from odd looks or smirks xx

Draculina · 14/11/2023 10:55

I would do nothing. If a mum dislikes me even though I haven't even spoken a word to her, then the problem is clearly her, not me. I would just ignore her, and get on with my day as if she doesn't exist.

DoooooWhoop · 14/11/2023 10:55

Some parents are just like this, it's weird! I just ignore them back now.

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