Why start a thread if you never return to it?

[BerriesNutsConkers]

I'm getting so fed up with posters starting a thread and never returning to it!
What is the point of asking a vague AIBU and not responding to any requests for relevant info?

I don't mind it when a thread goes on with a mind of it's own. It can meandre quite spectacularly. You see things from others perspectives that you might not have thought about and learn new things sometimes. I found out recently that sexting wasn't what I though it was!

Just don't like nastiness or piling on the OP

I think the most busy threads likely to attract posters arguing between themselves are those about friendship politics and etiquette, mumsnet seems to bloody love those. Wouldn't know about about parking threads because I can't drive and don't care, those also seem popular.

Because people often post goady replies or reply with the intent to just be rude for the sake of it.

What did you think it was @Mothership4two@Mothership4two

I'm sorry, are you today's designated pedant? Because if so you need to up your game. Annoyed is a synonym of fed up so dfo OK?

Either

1. People turn mean
2. It gives them an idea of how to sort things and then they have to go figure it out and they forget
3. real life takes over and something happens

I think we forget there’s a real life thing generally going on that the op might be worried about but also that make take time to fix. I hate seeing people ask for an update after a few hours-in most cases nothing has probably happened yet! And I’d prefer them not come back than when you see an op tell everyone they’re doing something just to shut them up!!

Sorry mothership, can't seem to delete @'s

well you didn't give me much to work with!

I thought sexting was the same as phone sex. I couldn't understand how someone could sext while on a guided tour. Thought they must be in a very very permissive country!

I do this too, particularly if it's a post with loads of replies. If it's relatively new, I might read/reply in anticipation of the OP's return, but not if it sounds like a bit of a wind up. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

I did a topic once where people got very shirty with me. The question I asked was not in AIBU and there was nothing controversial about it. The vitriol was absurd to the point of surreal. NB this was yonks ago and I’ve name changed etc. waaay back. No I’m not saying what it was about, but the point is that as soon as I started answering it got much worse

It's astounding how much offence people can take from the most inoffensive thing.

Viewers in the Midlands may remember a wonderful old Friday night debate show on TV called Central Weekend Live - it went on for an hour and a half or so and covered the big controversial issues of the day.

I will never forget the episode where, following two very serious discussions (I think it may have been about life meaning life for murder, legalising drugs etc, iirc), they had a silly filler item about this batty, harmless old couple who liked to dress as gnomes all the time. They'd even made them toadstools to sit on and given them fishing rods to hold.

Now, just guess which item of the night had the audience members furiously frothing and outraged far more than the others put together?! If I believed in reincarnation, I would strongly suspect that Central Weekend Live had come back as Mumsnet

Probably because they dont like what they are hearing

It's because they don't get the answers they want and find out they're in the wrong

Thanks, this has reminded me I need to take down my thread.
No one commented anyway I think, though it was a rather difficult situation and it has been sorted one way or another now.

I always go back but I suspect some people want to get something off their chest so dump and leave! (A technique I use a lot on Twitter or you just end up spending hours arguing with total idiots)

I posted a thread a few years ago when I was experiencing some really traumatic things, we were in lockdown and me and my mom weren't getting on at all. The thread turned into people calling me names (spoilt brat and bitch were the main ones) so I didn't come back to the thread as I was so upset. The thread was reported anyway as people thought I was trolling and my account was deleted.

Sorry to hear that @NoLikeyNoLightey people can be nasty on here - I find it depressing sometimes - it's against everything that this site originally represented

well that fell flat

Trolls who like to light a fire and watch it burn.

People who get piled on and so don’t return, because why would you?

@Mothership4two Thank you. Yes I agree, when people come here for support and they end up receiving such vile comments, it's no wonder people don't bother to update. They feel worse for posting, and they most likely post as they have nobody in real life to discuss with

I also think the sheer breadth of mumsnetters and their economic and personal circumstances means that some replies can seem pretty nasty and intolerant - from those struggling on the bones of their arse to those having 1st world problems of which private school or Mauritius versus the Maldives. If everyone is laying into your £100 a week Aldi budget or the fact you've got Netflix, it can make you feel incredibly demoralised -same goes for feeling really shitty and entitled if everyone is busy saying a week in the lakes is more than enough .

I try to never forget that life can turn in a moment and better to say nowt if it's not in your sphere!!

As a fairly frequent responder who very rarely starts threads, I often scroll past threads when I can see they're already very long, as I guess there will be a lot of similar/identical comments and just too much to process; plus I personally refuse to comment on a thread without having read the whole thing first - so if I don't have/want to invest the time to engage properly and respectfully, I prefer not to engage at all.

I'm guessing that this phenomenon must also often affect the poster who has started the thread. If you begin a thread, thinking that you might get a couple of dozen considered replies which you can carefully read through and respond to, coming back when you next have chance an hour later and seeing 948 responses - with a quick skim suggesting that various posters are robustly arguing amongst themselves, projecting and berating you for writing what you didn't actually write - I can see how you could find it extremely overwhelming.

It can be really obvious sometimes that multiple posters didn’t properly read the original post, and they go off on a rant about something the OP has already addressed or that isn’t actually relevant to the situation. In that case it probably becomes clear to the OP pretty quickly that the replies are unlikely to be useful to them as it’s basically people talking to themselves