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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery stay and play sessions

14 replies

SilverLining28 · 10/10/2023 07:51

My DC (3) has just moved to the pre-school area within the nursery. Part of this means nursery sends out a half termly request for stay and play sessions to parents. This is where the nursery is open to parents / grandparents to come and see the children and participate in activities for a set hour. They send these out a week in advance and ask that you respond with a yes I can attend or no I can't attend so they can manage numbers.

A lovely idea, seeing the children enjoy nursery etc etc.

My issue is that the reason DC is in nursery is because we are working then...therefore we can't pop out to see him for an hour at nursery. As it is I'm on maternity leave with our second DC (2 months) and therefore able to make the hour of play...

However other children are not allowed. Again understandable as they don't want loads of additional children turning up. But this is the only way I could attend. I can't just leave my 2 month old home alone! DP is a very hands on parent (I hate that phrase because he's a joint parent too and no mums ever get praised for being a hands on parent but that's a rant for another day) and he would love to go to the session but he has a LOT of meetings that are booked in a month in advance so he's never available when nursery send through the session dates -theres no rhyme or reason to the dates so we couldn't plan this in.

AIBU to think that although it's a sweet idea it's completely unreasonable to expect parents to turn up for an hour at nursery on the days when they obviously need the childcare?

Another issue being that DC is going to see parents coming in to play with their children at the nursery and wonder where his parents are. He would understand why if we explained why we couldn't make it but we can all remember when we were kids wanting our parents places if they couldn't turn up.

Our grandparents live 3 hours away so it isn't an option for them to go to the nursery.

OP posts:

Isthisexpected · 10/10/2023 07:55

I didn't send my older ones in when on maternity leave so was a non issue. However, in your shoes I think you just have to ask the staff to say you can't come if he asks if you're coming. It's not mandatory, they're not expecting it, and a lovely thing to offer in my opinion. Just because you can't attend doesn't make it wrong. I doubt he'll remember this far back.

EatYourVegetables · 10/10/2023 08:05

In your place, I’d keep the older DC at home that day.

ThatMrsM · 10/10/2023 19:21

The nursery that my eldest went to had quite a few stay&plays and little events which I was able to go to as I was on mat leave. Often there weren't many other parents there and the children never seemed upset!

Also, if you haven't already I'd double check you aren't allowed to bring your two month old... maybe by other children they mean toddlers and older.

echinaceadreams · 10/10/2023 19:23

If you both work you'll have to get used to it I'm afraid. If you can't shuffle things round then yeah your or your child miss out.

Nevermind31 · 10/10/2023 19:23

You are probably ok to take a baby in

WeWereInParis · 10/10/2023 19:26

although it's a sweet idea it's completely unreasonable to expect parents to turn up for an hour at nursery on the days when they obviously need the childcare?

But they aren't expecting it, they're offering it.

I've been to a few of these sort of things and the staff have always been good at focusing on the children whose parents couldn't make it. I never saw any that were visibly upset. And my DD was never fussed if I turned up a bit late for whatever reason. She wasn't upset that I wasn't there when other parents were. It does help if they know other parents though, if I couldn't be there I know there would have been 3 or 4 other parents my DD knows well (parents of her close friends) who would have included her, as I would have done if I'd been there and another parent hadn't.

echinaceadreams · 10/10/2023 19:28

Also it's not really fair on parents who can make it to not do it

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/10/2023 19:41

They aren't expecting it they are offering it as an opportunity. I would also double check. They may be ok with a 2month old coming with you. You could also ask if they would be willing to give you the next date sooner. This will probably come up regularly throughout primary.

Knifeandforkwhocares · 10/10/2023 19:47

Not being unreasonable at all.

but - Just wait for school! The assumption that there is one working parent and one non-working is rife in schools. See staggered starts to school where they only go in for two hours a day for weeks on end when they first start school.

our school had a day a month where if your parent could come in mid morning and the child could meet them in the hall, take their schoolwork to show them while having milk and biscuits. If your parents couldn’t make it you had to stay in class and do extra work. That one was particularly callous I thought.

BendingSpoons · 10/10/2023 19:51

I"d ask if you can bring your baby in a sling. I would assume a relatively small number of parents can make it each time so children don't feel too left out.

Airdustmoon · 10/10/2023 19:51

When my DS was at nursery, they did things like this but it was usually for an hour or so at breakfast or at the end of the day, so lots of parents could tag it onto the start or end of their working day. Occasionally there were things on at other times and DH and I just managed it as best we could - we didn’t go to every single thing and DS never seemed particularly bothered.

Purplerain0505 · 10/10/2023 19:55

I remember DS’s nursery would do little events in the daytime when obviously parents are at work. And if they’re not then why would the kids be in nursery?

It used to piss me off but it all continues at school as well. I’m sure they think the parents just sit at home twiddling their thumbs, magically earning money.

DiaryOfaTTCer · 10/10/2023 20:15

It's a tick box activity for OFSTED so that they can show they are regularly offering opportunities for family engagement.

It's a shame that they can only happen in the daytime but they're not going to do them 5-6pm when they're packing up.

Bit of a shame they don't allow you to bring other children tho. I can't get to any of my son's either.

renira · 10/10/2023 20:37

My dc went to a day nursery 3 days a week from age 2.5 when I was a sahm. It was to give her the opportunity for social interaction and broader play opportunities, and early years education. So not everyone with dc at the nursery will be using it for childcare, or they might only work on some days, or work flexibly. We didn't have many stay and play sessions at nursery because it was during the pandemic. Once they started running them again my DH was able to arrange to come in even though he works office hours, and there was fairly big turnout. He's been able to make every assembly, sports day and curriculum meeting now she's in school, too (and so have I, with a toddler in tow).

I would be a bit annoyed at not being able to bring a small baby, and I'd double check that.

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