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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a response or some form of communication

12 replies

Str3bor · 09/10/2023 17:54

DP is in work today and I’m WFH, he has a senior job which keeps him quite busy. Today his kids from previous relationship have gone to their mums from school but some stuff needed picking up from our house.

I haven’t heard from him all day. I sent him a text about something and nothing around lunchtime which he read but didn’t reply to. I then text him about the bags for the ex, no response and not even read. I know his job is busy but I can see he’s been on WhatsApp and messenger so I’m annoyed now he couldn’t reply or let me know what was happening with the bags. I didn’t know if I needed to stay in or not.

it’s now nearly 6pm and still haven’t heard anything from him, I don’t know what time he’ll be home for tea, do I wait for him or not or send another message that’ll get ignored aswell?

AIBU to expect to be told what the plans are with the bag and ETA for when he’ll be home? Surely no one is that busy for the whole day that he can’t take 2 seconds to send a text?

OP posts:
Zebedee55 · 09/10/2023 17:54

Phone him?

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 09/10/2023 17:55

You've done what you can, leave it now and get on with your day

Natty13 · 09/10/2023 17:57

I am guessing that he is ignoring you because he knows you will stay home and flex whatever you need to in order to get the issue sorted. He doesn't respect your time and it seems that you don't either. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm and all that. Go out, do whatever you had planned to. Stop chasing him up. This is his mess to sort and if he cant be bothered why should you be?

echinaceadreams · 09/10/2023 17:59

I'd have gone out if you wanted to why are you waiting around for his kids bags- if it was important to him he'd have communicate so I would assume he doesn't give a shit. Same with dinner - order a fancy takeaway for yourself or whatever you fancy.

echinaceadreams · 09/10/2023 18:00

Natty13 · 09/10/2023 17:57

I am guessing that he is ignoring you because he knows you will stay home and flex whatever you need to in order to get the issue sorted. He doesn't respect your time and it seems that you don't either. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm and all that. Go out, do whatever you had planned to. Stop chasing him up. This is his mess to sort and if he cant be bothered why should you be?

Yeah exactly- he can't be arsed so don't take on his load for him

Softnatural · 09/10/2023 18:00

I wouldn't expect to hear from DH at work (or to text him when I'm working) unless it was urgent. If I needed something urgently I'd call him.

Catza · 09/10/2023 18:01

I do think you sound a bit unreasonable. I wouldn't worry about the bags and just go on with my day. If they showed up to pick them up and I was out of the house, well... they would know to make arrangements next time.
You know he is busy at work, what is the point of checking when he uses whatsapp? It doesn't change anything except sending you into a frenzy.
You could have called him too if it was something urgent.
When my partner does something similar, I just get on with my life, have my dinner and then if he gets home late, he sorts himself out. No big deal. And if he needs to arrange something with his ex, I leave it to him and go on with my life unless he explicitly informs me I have to be home for her to pick something up.

Original poster
Str3bor · 09/10/2023 18:06

It’ll cause murder if I have tea without him! I’ve come the gym, we have hello fresh, usually I’d ask if he has any preference and have it ready for when he gets in but I might just make the one I fancy and dish it up and he can have it he decides to show up. I know he’s busy and I don’t expect texting all day whilst he’s working but if he can be on Facebook he can reply - btw I went on Facebook messenger and seen he was online, I didn’t stalk him on this one!

OP posts:
Catza · 09/10/2023 18:09

Is there a massive drip feed on this one? Any other issues in the relationship we need to be aware of?
I mean getting pissy if you eat without him is a bit OTT

Original poster
Str3bor · 09/10/2023 18:12

No not a drip feed, he’s probably just been a bit busier than usual so his communication with me is suffering about things I need to know and I’m getting annoyed about but just wanted to know if I was just being pissy about it! I would never ignore him despite how busy I am and I suppose I shouldn’t think that way.

OP posts:
Catza · 09/10/2023 18:23

Str3bor · 09/10/2023 18:12

No not a drip feed, he’s probably just been a bit busier than usual so his communication with me is suffering about things I need to know and I’m getting annoyed about but just wanted to know if I was just being pissy about it! I would never ignore him despite how busy I am and I suppose I shouldn’t think that way.

I meant him getting pissy if you eat without him. This seems a little disproportionate and I was wondering if there is more going on in the background. If all is well in the relationship otherwise, then it's perfectly fine for him to to ignore messages when he is at work. The fact that you chose to always respond to his is neither here nor there.

Original poster
Str3bor · 09/10/2023 18:35

He’s been really busy with work lately so I suppose it’s made me feel a bit neglected so just wanted some strangers on the internet to talk some reason into me if I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
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