An eye for an eye or turn the other cheek?

[AnotherEarlyStart]

More of a WWYD?!

If another child (similar age) was hitting, pushing, generally being (mildly)violent/aggressive to your 3.5 year old, would you let them handle the situation in their own way or encourage them to respond a certain way?

I'd remove my child from the situation. If it's within a nursery situation (or similar), I'd expect them to keep the children apart. I wouldn't teach a child to fight back.

I’d be speaking to the parents and getting it stopped. Where is it happening ?

You want to teach your 3.5yo to hurt people?!

Im very much eye for an eye but I'm a petty bitch.

Oh fgs, why would you write that? 🙄

OP I'd also remove DC from the situation and I would be saying to my DC "you need to tell the person to stop doing that and go and tell an adult"

I worry for the future of humanity.

No sane person would allow two 3.5 y olds to have a fight!

If your child isn’t hitting back now that’s because it’s not in his nature so I doubt it would be useful telling him to

I’d intervene. 3.5 is too young to be able to correctly and proportionally respond to aggressive behaviour.

Remove them from the situation. It could be your DC doing this in a few weeks/months. It's quite a common phase unfortunately.

Be wise that's what the op is suggesting @Lollyloup89 ?

You do know that "an eye for an eye" ends up with 2 blind people?

I would definitely teach a way to respond and that would mean getting away from the other child and telling an adult. It's a phase a lot of toddlers go through but I don't think battling it out will end it.

At that age, I’d remove your child from the situation and ask the nursery staff to keep an eye out to make sure it’s not continuing. They go through phases and it should stop soon, hopefully.

A bit older and I’d be teaching the difference between normal falling out with friends & bullying, and how to deal with them both.

Me too! But I'm not sure that's the best way to be and I don't want to put my weaknesses onto my DC. I don't want him to become a child that is volatile and approaches situations in an aggressive manner, but similarly, I don't want him to be pushed around. It's hard getting the balance right where he stands up for himself but in a non-confrontational way.

Encouraging small children to fight is sole of the most abysmal parenting I’ve heard of. I really hope my kids never meet yours if that’s what you do.

I’d separate them, or if it’s happening when it’s not around I’d teach them to talk to an adult about it.

I'd try and teach non violent strategies at that age. By teenage years I think if they want to hit back then that's different depending on situation, but teaching a 3 year old to hit back would be a stupid move. We teach them to try and not hit out

In all other situations I'd be turning the other cheek.

In this particular scenario, I always taught my kids to hit back. However I was a SAHM so was always there to oversee what was going on. I'm not sure what I'd do if this was happening in a nursery setting because I wouldn't want my child told off for defending themselves.

"Encouraging small children to fight is sole of the most abysmal parenting I’ve heard of. I really hope my kids never meet yours if that’s what you do".

Firstly, any kid would be lucky to meet mine.

Secondly, which part of my OP or subsequent posts gave you the impression that I teach my children to fight?

At that age If they are in a childcare setting when it was happening I would tell the person in charge what was happening and let them deal with it by speaking to the other child’s parents and by keeping them apart.
If all that failed I think I would go for the eye for an eye approach. But of course beware in our horrible modern society the only thing that is punished is the reaction and not the action that caused the reaction, so your child might end up the one in trouble.

Are you and the other parent there when it happens? If so, how do you all respond?

If it's in nursery, how is it handled?

The problem is that this doesn't work. It might work at nursery because there are enough adults to oversee the kids and to get involved but it won't work at school.

I tell my kids exactly the same as you but I don't think my advice serves them well. Schools are a jungle. Not because kids are bad but because they haven't learnt empathy yet and they haven't learnt how to behave in society. Use your words, say no, walk away, tell an adult. None of this works particularly well or at all. From what I have seen the kids who do best (ie neither get bullied nor are bullies) are the ones who are not violent but who aren't above shoving away another child when they trouble them or are violent towards them. Kids learn very quickly who they can mess with.

Dc2 kept getting hit by another child at nursery. We told her the usual stuff and spoke to the nursery but the the hitting didn't stop. Even though it's a small setting the staff were not able to make it stop. The hitting child has left now thankfully but I still don't know what's a good way to deal with stuff like this.

Not particularly helpful but reminds me of the time in a soft play when DC, then 3.5, came sobbing that two children were pushing him and not letting him play. I went over (yes, I had been watching btw!) to find my DC then 2 had 'fixed' the problem. He had a 3.5yr old in each hand, stood there proudly, they were sobbing, DC2 hadn't hurt them, simply pulled them away from his sibling and refused to let them go.

If I saw it, and I’d be nearby kids that age playing, I’d step in and deal with it. Teaching children how to deal with their peers is a balancing act but I wouldn’t let anyone hit or shove my child and standby to see what happened next. I’ve

My youngest is also far more "hands on" when it comes to dealing with these situations. I fear I'll have the opposite problem with him!

Teach him to step back and shout 'stop hitting me right now!' As loudly as he can. Then the other kid gets in trouble and your son stands up for himself