Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only invite certain family members to DDs party?

42 replies

Clairebread · 09/10/2023 15:38

I have a family party dilemma and want to consult the minds of Mumsnet as my parents are on different sides of the coin!

Will try and keep it short.

DD is turning one in 2 months time. I am finalising the invite list for her birthday party and have an issue regarding leaving out certain family members and what to do.

*if you are someone who thinks parties for babies are pointless then this thread isn’t for you.

On my mums side of the family I have 3 aunts and 3 cousins. All cousins are from aunt 1.

Cousin 1 - I am not overly close to as they are 16 years older than me. They have 2 children, 11 and 7 - who are both amazing, well behaved children but I’ve met 2-3 times, as again, not that close.

Cousin 2 - she is also a fair amount older than I am so not close growing up, has 3 children, 9, 8 and 6 - all of which are fucking feral and were the reason I had a child free wedding 4 years ago. We held a ‘meet the baby’ get together for DD when she was 2 months old (as I haven’t seen my aunts or cousins for a couple of years (I moved away and just drifted) so wanted to extend an olive branch) and all of the children were still feral, we catered for the amount of people coming and they rushed the buffet, took 4 plates each, piled high of food they didn’t eat and rubbed cake into the carpet - that kind of feral.

Cousin 3 - I was very close to growing up as she is only 4 years older, she has 2 children, 7yo and 1 year old. We were recently invited to her youngest first birthday party (which I think is important) plus she has said she wants the babies to have a bond since they’re so close in age.

My issue is what to do regarding invites to DD’s party. Ideally I’d invite all my aunts, plus cousin 3. But I feel it’s a bit off inviting one cousin and not her siblings - even if I’m not that close to them (the cousins are all very close as siblings)

My mum thinks I should say it’s younger children only, but then it causes an issue for cousin 3 as she does have an older child who is fine, I’d be happy for them to attend and if I technically only invited one of her children she might not be able to make it.

Dad thinks I can’t invite 2/4 of a family (aunt 1 us cousin 3) and it’s all or nothing - which is the opinion I lean towards - but I really don’t want cousin 2 to attend with her feral children, if I hadn’t been invited to cousin 3’s daughters birthday I’d have invited none of them to avoid the issue entirely.

So

YABU - you have to invite all or nothing

YANBU - pick and choose

OP posts:
Original poster
Clairebread · 09/10/2023 17:13

@WaitingfortheTardis I’m 100% not inviting them

for me the options are some of the cousins or none, but feel bad since being invited to cousin 3s babies party last month

OP posts:
bellsandwhistles333 · 09/10/2023 17:22

I feel you here.... I have one family member with 3 gloriously funny well behaved children (7,8&11) and a other with 3 feral shouty, rude, obnoxious children (6,9& 13)

I have kept them away at times by planing things when I know they are with their other parent! Purely because I am embarrassed, the last family outing one of them threw sand all over another child's ice cream which my husband replaced because he was mortified them another of their kids punched a child younger in the back because they were nervous about going down the slide

bellsandwhistles333 · 09/10/2023 17:23

Sorry posted too soon, invite your cousin you want to and ultimately use the damage from the last place as your reason for excluding them!

NoWayMoan · 09/10/2023 17:24

I wouldn’t invite children who causes you to loose your deposit last time. That’s a whole other level of destructive behaviour.

Are you really inviting 60+ people to a first birthday party? Without meaning to sound cruel yes im being rude do you really think all those 60+ people care that much about your child’s first birthday? I can’t see it myself tbh. Yes grandparents direct aunts uncles etc maybe but otherwise isn’t it just the sort of thing people attend because it seems rude to decline? It also appears you have had several large events in your child’s lifetime already like “meet the baby” and a massive christening. If I was invited to yet another large scale event for a baby I’d probably be rolling my eyes a little truth be told.

Original poster
Clairebread · 09/10/2023 17:43

@NoWayMoan considering most have been pestering me to host a party (was going to avoid doing anything due to this issue!) yes, I do.

they’re all close family and friends. There was nearly double that at her christening so we have cut down!

im glad none of my family would roll their eyes at a chance to get together tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Clairebread · 09/10/2023 17:44

@bellsandwhistles333 oh god they sound awful!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 09/10/2023 17:48

What venue do you have?

My kids have feral cousins at a similar sort of level and one of the ways we dealt with it was to have garden/outside parties, disposable cutlery paper plates etc.

It limited the damage.

Ilefttownonsaturday · 09/10/2023 17:49

Can you covertly find out a day that feral kids are busy for eg school day or la holiday and then book the party on that day.

Original poster
Clairebread · 09/10/2023 17:50

@Octavia64 it’s a hall, if it wasn’t a winter birthday we’d love to do it outside so the twat kids and fuck off somewhere and just damage grass but it’s going to be pants weather so all inside Sad

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 09/10/2023 17:59

Can you invite the feral cousins, have a word with your aunt about keeping an eye on her DC this time and hope that offends her too much to come?

Rousblouse · 09/10/2023 18:04

Oh definite invite them all. Any good excuse for a good old knees up and really with those numbers you won’t really notice the extra numbers. Really, the more the merrier. It will be so sweet for your DD to see back in years to come too.

Original poster
Clairebread · 09/10/2023 18:11

@Rousblouse I’m 100% not inviting the feral children, question is around inviting none when one cousin invited me to her little ones party recently

im not having another deposit lost to someone else’s poorly behaved children

OP posts:
girlyjim · 09/10/2023 18:15

I'd invite the one cousin you want there and be bold enough to explain why the others aren't invited if anyone queries it. It's really the only way you get what you want.

MaltyDrink · 09/10/2023 18:23

We have a relative who has feral DC - very similar to how you describe.
We excluded them from things as they just would ruin everything.
Be warned if you take that option it might cause a fallout. It did in our case. The family who are closest to the DC often choose to overlook or enable the shitty behaviour, so you end up the ‘bad guy’ - it’s what happened for us. We don’t see that branch of the family at all now.

Rousblouse · 09/10/2023 18:25

Clairebread · 09/10/2023 18:11

@Rousblouse I’m 100% not inviting the feral children, question is around inviting none when one cousin invited me to her little ones party recently

im not having another deposit lost to someone else’s poorly behaved children

Brave move, but understandable. Just brazen it out and invite who you want to invite. It will be fab.

Tiredmum100 · 09/10/2023 18:32

I would invite cousin 3.

00100001 · 09/10/2023 23:55

Clairebread · 09/10/2023 16:34

@00100001 they're the ones who have RSVPd currently. More are invited, I’ve left my mums side until I’ve sorted this dilemma out, so could be more than 60

I don't think I even know 60 people, let alone 60+ that would want to come to my 1yo party 😂

Good luck! hope it all works out.

If necessary, just frisbee iPads at the Ferals.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page