I'm sorry to name change but this could be outing to family.
I had a conversation on the telephone with my mother on Saturday and I'm still reeling from it. She has always been extremely opinionated and strong willed. Her opinion is the only one that counts to her but as she has got older she has got ruder and ruder and is now someone I don't want to have to speak to.
She was talking about cousins marrying (we have a distant family member who is marrying her first cousin). This thread is not about the rights and wrongs of marrying a first cousin. She said any children they have will be "idiots" (very much her terms not mine). I said I didn't like that comment and that she shouldn't be using those terms. She then said, "do you prefer learning disabilities" but she said it in such a derogatory horrible way. I said that is a better term but not in the way she spoke it, to which she said "well we can't all be perfect like you". This massively triggered back to my childhood/teenage years where she always belittled me. I said I really didn't want her speaking to me to which she laughed in outrage.
I ended the call shortly afterwards. This has triggered me so badly and brought back so many horrible memories of the way she constantly put me down as a child.
I moved away from her at 16 to the other end of the country. I am not tarnishing a whole area with the same brush but I do see these traits in a lot of my family and old school friends who still live in the area. Active racism and homophobia is also prevalent.
I hate it - I hate the way she speaks to me but she is 83 and I don't think going NC at this age is a kind thing to do.
Any advice on how to deal with this sort of horrible bigoted speech?