Hi,
I will try to keep this short (never easy when there are so many factors) have 2 small kids, 6&4, ex has historically been abusive (I know, that usual thing) I have lived in refuge 3x thanks to him. And yes, I was deluded and thought things would get better. He also calls the kids names ("Princess" and once called LO "Fat ginger haired little b*word" also has told the kids how much he hates me)
We had a court order that was made for 6Yr old, and in "Peace times" child #2 was born, due to the nature of the off/on relationship, there was never a court order made for child number 2.
We live seperate to avoid as much abuse as possible.
The Ex has a tendency to "walk out" of my life. That is standard behaviour it seems from him when i don't comply with his expectations of me and generaly get called nutjob etc... The children just BOTH saw him as per the original order as I have been an advocate for the kids to have BOTH parents in their lives.
This was until i realized that we cannot continue to live where we are (we have no heating, no garden, the kids want pets and cannot have them where we live and getting another place in south England costs too much! Especially on a single income) and the likelihood of the abuse stopping any point soon isn't going to happen as he is in denial about it. It was supposed to be a temporary place to live until things got better between us. In doing so I claimed CMS (we had an out of CMS agreement which he was happy about as the new CMS agreement is £150 per month increase) going to use this to get our own place somewhere that is cheaper to live. Naturally he has started again to call me a money grabbing b*word etc (why it was initially agreed out of CMS in the first place to avoid the name calling especially infront of the children!)
In response to claiming CMS and not wishing to move in with him NOW.. that he has decided he doesn't want to see the kids anymore. He stopped seeing them in June and pretty much tore up the court order (it is now October). He didn't even say goodbye to them.
Initially he told me to "Move as far away from him as possible" (emailed) then as SS have been involved. They strongly advised me I needed to have solid agreement from him that he is OK with us moving out of the area. He then (naturally) emailed back and said that he is not happy for me to do this as he is hoping that the 6yr old will find him when he is older and wants us to remain close to allow this. (Obviously not extended that to our beautiful 4 year old)
Spoke to a solicitor and they told me that legally although he cannot stop me from moving, he could apply to the court for custody of the children/prevent us from moving. We currently live just down the road from him. I am worried about the impact on the kids seeing him ignoring them will have on them.
If I go to court to seek approval, it may then poke him into action to fight for this.
Would value other people's opinions.. Would you just move away.. or would you do this through the legal route and potentially cause a world of grief, upset and legal fees with the possible outcome of either loosing the kids, or being prevented from moving away or the same outcome as if you had just done it but with a world of grief all round. I get it.. you should try to include the other parent etc.. but what about when they elect to become estranged from their own kids reguardless of how the kids feel about it.. he has done this to me many many times.. now just doing it to his own kids too, and sounds like he wants the kids to chase him if they want to see him (or just the favorite more like it!)