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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to stay at PILs?

22 replies

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 09:04

Because after one night there DC is covered in over 30 flea bites. Worst part is they're mostly in his nappy area, as fleas are attracted to urine. Poor little thing is really uncomfortable.

I know it'll cause stress, but I'm just sick of having to put up with the state of their house. It's filthy, full of dust and in a massive state of disrepair. I've grinned and bared up to now, but I don't want DC to have to.

OP posts:

WhateverAgains · 09/10/2023 09:05

Do you even need to ask this question? Omg 🤯

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 09:06

BTW, they have the means to improve the home, employ cleaners etc and they could also downsize to somewhere more manageable. It's all so incredibly dysfunctional they never get anything done.

OP posts:

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 09:09

WhateverAgains · 09/10/2023 09:05

Do you even need to ask this question? Omg 🤯

Honestly DH doesn't seem to be that bothered by it, he has bites too! I think he's just so used to living in that state.

I don't even think that fumigation will help, they have SO much stuff that it'd need clearing out and they find it so difficult to throw anything away

OP posts:

Codlingmoths · 09/10/2023 09:12

Ugh no. I would never stay anywhere my children would get flea bites! Tell Dh to bring it up at your next dinner party / social gathering and see if the consensus is sure why wouldn’t you let your kids get flea bitten or pure horror? I know which reaction id expect! I bet he does too… and it will be an entirely different concept to tell you you should take your child there than it is to tell friends he thinks you should take your child there. No to staying there.

towriteyoumustlive · 09/10/2023 09:25

Your DH isn't bothered by it?!?!?

I would absolutely not stay somewhere riddled with fleas!

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 09:35

towriteyoumustlive · 09/10/2023 09:25

Your DH isn't bothered by it?!?!?

I would absolutely not stay somewhere riddled with fleas!

He is going to mention it to his parents, but he isn't as angry as I am. I don't think he's even considered not staying there again. We have to travel to visit, so day trips aren't possible.

OP posts:

FarmGirl78 · 09/10/2023 09:38

No fucking way. If idiot DH wants to get bitten by fleas, it's his stupid choice. But no way should he be subjecting your child to that.

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2023 09:48

Don’t be afraid to pack up right now and either go to a hotel of some sort or go home. And never, ever go back. Stand up for your son. You are very much allowed to have standards and to keep them.

Remember, your dh married you because you have different standards from his parents and he likes it. He just might not be able to face the fallout so you might have to do it.

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 09:53

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2023 09:48

Don’t be afraid to pack up right now and either go to a hotel of some sort or go home. And never, ever go back. Stand up for your son. You are very much allowed to have standards and to keep them.

Remember, your dh married you because you have different standards from his parents and he likes it. He just might not be able to face the fallout so you might have to do it.

We've already left, so there's no urgency. I'm just asking about next time we have to go.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 09/10/2023 09:55

I wouldn't even go in the door for a cup of tea, honestly.

Mistressanne · 09/10/2023 09:56

That’s gross.
I assume they have cats or dogs.
They need a flea bomb. And the animals need defleaing.

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/10/2023 09:57

That's disgusting. I'd never be setting foot in there again.

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 10:03

Mistressanne · 09/10/2023 09:56

That’s gross.
I assume they have cats or dogs.
They need a flea bomb. And the animals need defleaing.

No pets, but it's a rural location.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 09/10/2023 10:10

Of course you shouldn't, can't believe you'd even ask. Suggest they meet you half way for a meal, National Trust visit or whatever. Or your DH can visit on his own.

TheThunderer · 09/10/2023 10:19

Holy shit, they have fleas and they don't even have pets?

Are the fleas coming from rats or something?

I wouldn't be setting foot in there again, and that goes double for any kids.

Nevermind31 · 09/10/2023 10:20

Not only would I not stay there again, they wouldn’t come to mine. What if they bring their fleas with them?
i would also suggest to DP that his parents need help - it is not normal to live in such a filthy environment

Mistressanne · 09/10/2023 10:36

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 10:03

No pets, but it's a rural location.

Show quote history

Are you sure it’s not bed bugs?

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2023 10:39

Mistressanne · 09/10/2023 10:36

Are you sure it’s not bed bugs?

Show quote history

Indeed! I have friends in rural areas, have stayed with them often and never got a flea bite.

Silvers11 · 09/10/2023 10:39

I too wondered if it wasn't fleas but something else. In any case @riffraffroff please make sure you treat everything that you had at the PIL's as potentially still having the fleas/whatever on your possessions and make sure your own house doesn't become infected

It could be midges or some kind of mite

BalletBob · 09/10/2023 10:44

Well obviously you don't take your child somewhere where they get bitten by fleas.

There's probably no way of navigating this without conflict, since you are basically (and correctly) telling them that they live in squalor and it's unsafe for their grandchild. But sometimes we just have to wade through a bit of conflict to protect our children. You have the additional bullshit of dealing with a husband who is conditioned to accept this level of filth as normal and who will also likely feel this as a personal attack.

You know what you have to do, unfortunately it's just not very pleasant.

Original poster

riffraffroff · 09/10/2023 11:25

Mistressanne · 09/10/2023 10:36

Are you sure it’s not bed bugs?

Show quote history

Maybe. They had a pet until a year ago, and the odd dog visits now and again. But there's decades of stuff accumulated, from various homes/relatives. I'm sure the mattress alone is well over a few decades old. So I don't see why dormant fleas are an impossibility.

I figured it was fleas because they're attracted to urine. Im normally the first to get bitten, but I have none. I believe because I co-sleep with DC atm, who obviously attracted them all. DH was in a different room and also got bitten.

OP posts:

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/10/2023 11:30

Fleas can be dormant in old houses for a very long time. We had cats, always treated for fleas, they never had them. We moved into an old house, and took down a very old partition , I think it was actually wattle and daube. The cats were covered in fleas! when we took them to the vets, he asked if we had had building work done. It’s well known, apparently,

So you don’t need pets for fleas …. Personally I loathe them and wouldn’t set foot in a house which had them. As PP have said, make sure you haven’t imported them into your own home.

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