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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Train etiquette

37 replies

Mummyneedsacoffee · 09/10/2023 08:25

My partner and I just had a weekend away (which was utterly amazing)

Our journey home was via a two hour train journey, we had booked this train but not any specific seats. It’s apparent this was a very very busy train and we ended up walking through several carriages to find some empty seats.

my partner finally found a table with 4 seats available (we only needed two) and sat down. A lady further up the carriage comes strutting towards us and says “actually .. I was going to sit there”

my partner doesn’t like causing a scene and just got up. I said “we can actually sit here” (there was two of them and two of us) and she starts going off on one saying how she was going to sit there and how she had got up because she thought she was on the wrong train so she was entitled to the seats .. blah blah blah.

AIBU? We could have all sat there?! And even if only two seats were left… she got up and left them (I didn’t even know she had sat there before!) this woman was still ranting as I was walking to find other seats… the train was busy so she surely can’t expect 4 seats for just two of them?!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 09/10/2023 10:39

You have enforced that her bad behaviour gets her what she wants. The sensible thing to do would have been to stay in the seats and tell her there were also two there if she wanted them. If she moaned just put your headphones on and leave her to it, silly woman.

Original poster
Mummyneedsacoffee · 09/10/2023 10:40

HoppingPavlova · 09/10/2023 10:39

You have enforced that her bad behaviour gets her what she wants. The sensible thing to do would have been to stay in the seats and tell her there were also two there if she wanted them. If she moaned just put your headphones on and leave her to it, silly woman.

I think being in the situation at the time I just couldn’t face any drama and her going off on one. I did hear someone tell her to shut up though😂

OP posts:
BigPlanner · 09/10/2023 10:53

I think you got up and moved because your husband said he was going to, and that you would then be going against two people instead of just one Karen .

Had your husband smiled sweetly at her and said : "this is not the kind of train that caters for specific seat bookings and being first come – first served, these are the seats we have allocated ourselves, but there are plenty other is for you to sit in elsewhere" then I think you would not have moved a muscle. It's a shame you didn't know she was gonna bitch about you even if you moved because that may have helped you not to move. And I agree with a previous poster that you've only just helped reinforce her Karen-ish behaviour which is a bit of a shame.

Apologies for anyone called Karen ! But I live with teenagers and they use that all the time and so it's become the only way to really truly express the kind of person behaving the way that she is!

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 09/10/2023 10:53

Mummyneedsacoffee · 09/10/2023 09:30

No need to call me pathetic… that’s abit over the top 🙄

I moved because I couldn’t be arsed to listen to her moan at me and it wasn’t worth the drama she was causing

I'd have told her to shut the fuck up.

Buttoutofmywedding · 09/10/2023 10:55

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 09/10/2023 10:53

I'd have told her to shut the fuck up.

Show quote history

And you're proud of this?

5128gap · 09/10/2023 11:07

Graciebobcat · 09/10/2023 09:48

No saving seats for a friend who hasn't been as nippy with boarding

I think that is actually reasonable if the friend is just behind you.

And I often make sure my DM has a seat if it's a free for all as she is 83 and not as "nippy with boarding".

When I'm travelling with my friend who struggles I nip on, bag a seat, then give it up to her when she gets on. I find most people are good at offering seats to people who look like they might struggle, but my friends disability is not visible.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 09/10/2023 11:20

Buttoutofmywedding · 09/10/2023 10:55

And you're proud of this?

Show quote history

Yes. I wouldn't move seats, I'd tell her she's welcome to sit on the two free seats, if she does and continued to bad mouth me, yes, I would tell her to shut the fuck up and call her out.

BigPlanner · 09/10/2023 11:28

I think if they genuinely booked those exact seats (rarely happens nowadays on a standard train ride) then it shouldn't take much for them to prove this to you. If someone is able to prove that to me, then I would move because I would honour that. But what I wouldn't do is move because somebody tells me this without proof because they could be utterly bullshitting me.

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 09/10/2023 11:28

If it’s an unreserved seat, it’s first come, first served. You did nothing wrong.

ErinAndTonic · 09/10/2023 11:49

Topseyt123 · 09/10/2023 09:21

Why on earth did you move for her? I wouldn't have. If the seat isn't actually reserved for anyone then it's first come first served.

You should have been assertive and refused to move.

This. Sounds like she was the one who needs to understand train etiquette. Not you. Polite of you to move, but I'd have told her to either share the table or do one.

CoughingMajoress · 09/10/2023 12:04

She was very obviously being not just massively rude and entitled, but she sounds unhinged.

Having said that, I really dislike the whole "haha shoulda been more nippy!" attitude. I commute by tube and it's always the super fit young blokes that race inside and grab all the seats, and the older and infirm people who are left to stand. It's really shit that the less physically capable you are, the less likely you are to get a seat. I don't mean disabled necessarily, a lot of people have chronic health problems or are older or just a bit infirm on their feet, but don't consider themselves disabled or very elderly so don't feel they can demand someone give up their seat.

This doesn't apply to the OP at all, it just makes me angry when I see young fit people race inside, veer around other people, and basically act like they're in some kind of extreme sports competition to try to beat obviously less fast or more infirm people to seats, then look smug about it.

Original poster
Mummyneedsacoffee · 09/10/2023 12:43

CoughingMajoress · 09/10/2023 12:04

She was very obviously being not just massively rude and entitled, but she sounds unhinged.

Having said that, I really dislike the whole "haha shoulda been more nippy!" attitude. I commute by tube and it's always the super fit young blokes that race inside and grab all the seats, and the older and infirm people who are left to stand. It's really shit that the less physically capable you are, the less likely you are to get a seat. I don't mean disabled necessarily, a lot of people have chronic health problems or are older or just a bit infirm on their feet, but don't consider themselves disabled or very elderly so don't feel they can demand someone give up their seat.

This doesn't apply to the OP at all, it just makes me angry when I see young fit people race inside, veer around other people, and basically act like they're in some kind of extreme sports competition to try to beat obviously less fast or more infirm people to seats, then look smug about it.

I agree that’s annoying. I struggled massively when I was pregnant with my first and had to take the train a couple of times … everyone races on, sits down and pretends they don’t see you. I never expected anyone to give up a seat but a chance to get one would have been nice.

OP posts:
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