To leave dp

[mistymorningsinrome]

Currently laying awake wondering if I'm in the wrong. Little bit of a back story, I have been with my DP for 5 years and both have dc from previous relationships. I currently rent and DP lives with his parents (always has), earns an ok salary for where we live (around 80 or 90k). For around a year now I've tried to talk about us moving in together but dp has the conversation and then it's not mentioned again until I bring it up. Any way, it turns out that he has little to no savings at the age of 42, living at home with his parents and having no bills to pay other than CM. AIBU to wonder what the hell he has been doing for the past 20 years of his working life if he hasn't been saving and from what I can see also isn't living an extravagant lifestyle. I love this man but it just feels like there is no hope in us actually moving on from where we are right now. He stays with me a couple of nights a week but the rest of the time has his hobby which takes up time and then sees DC 1 day on the weekend with no over night stays.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩I don’t think you are wrong. If he is earning that type of money , living at home with no savings I’d want to know what he spends his money on before moving in together.

If he is open to a frank conversation that will tell you a lot about if this is the man you want living in your children’s home. Remember it’s more than ok to protect your kids and you from free loaders

Nope!!! 90k a year living with parents and no savings!!! What on earth is he doing with his cash? Surely he should have been saving about 3k a month

In a way it's nothing to do with you what he's done with his money up until now if you haven't been talking bout it together the last few years. I do think though if it's in anyone's head to leave someone then you're nearly gone anyway. I don't think it's a bad thing to spend and not save your money, especially if he has kids, maybe it's been spent on ensuring they have everything, but you're both obviously just very different people and you asking is kind of saying that it's nearly over (I'm sorry)

Definitely have a talk to him and see what his take is on the money thing though!

No future together.

Why would he move out and pay more to love with you amd have more responsibilities. It sounds like you'll be dragging him forward in life and he will resent it.

You need an eager partner

Are you sure he isn't paying for running the house despite it being his parents house?

Unless it's a very expensive hobby, I definitely wouldn't move in with a man who has apparently blown a shed load of money on who knows what.

But are you sure he's being entirely honest with you about his finances? Is he running scared of any notion of sharing his (possibly hidden) savings with you?

It sounds like you’ve waited round for five years. Don’t waste any more of your time. Move on and find someone who deserves you.

This relationship is never going to move forward. He's got a cushy deal. Don't buy with him. You'll end up paying for it - probably in more ways than one.

His finances are none of your business. It doesn’t sound like he wants to move in with you though and if he doesn’t have his own DC for overnights he’s probably not going to be happy about having your kids around.

Get rid.

Sounds like a waster. If he doesn't have a shit ton of savings by now, he wouldn't be the man for me.

He is a "failure to launch".

It seems you both want different things from the relationship. Maybe it has run it’s course.In your place I’d feel I was being used.

Dump him tonight, be free.

Why are you resurrecting numerous zombie threads? Clarkysingleprimgoe ?