To worry about sending this child to nursery?

[Mouit]

So my 2 and a half year old DC will start nursery when they turn 3. It's nursery attached to a pre-prep/prep school, so the children they go to nursery with will be their classmates until they are 11. It's a small school, so there will only be ~18 nursery children.

I am a bit worried about sending DC, as their skills are a bit mixed. There are autistic cousins in the family, and while my DC doesn't have enough symptoms to qualify for a diagnosis, they are maybe a bit different from their peers. They are a bit behind other children at making sense of social cues, and don't always make very good eye contact. They are kind of potty trained (can use the toilet unaided, but may forget to flush, or may wet themselves if in unfamiliar surroundings). Equally, they can read (sound out new words and figure out what they say) and do addition and subtraction, and were assessed as being significantly ahead (6-12 months ahead) in receptive and expressive language. I'm worried that being behind at social skills, combined with the adult-like speech and unusual fascination with numbers and letters is going to get them picked on.

What, if anything, can I do to prepare them for nursery?

Nursey children don't generally pick on each other they are too young for that.

Try and relax. Things can massively change in 6 months.

He won't be picked on at that age, kids of that age tend not to be all that interested in differences. Also not many 2.5 year olds pick up on a lot of social clues so I wouldn't worry at all just yet.

Early Years teacher here. I have worked in nursery settings for over 10 years. The staff at the nursery should be skilled in supporting children with a diverse range of needs. My advice would be to be open and honest with the staff about the concerns you have about your child's development before they start. Ask to have a meeting with the leadership team and together you can work out an action plan as to how they can ensure your child thrives at nursery and most importantly enjoys their time there. Please be reassured that nursery age children all start at a range of levels and staff are skilled at supporting children. Also, your child's level.of toileting sounds completely normal for someone of their age.

Yours sounds similar to my dc1. Preschool did absolute wonders for their social skills with peers (had always been at home chatting with adults but before preschool would seek out adults and avoid other children).

My twins were very premature, when they started nursery at 3 they were assessed as being 12-18 months behind, it made absolutely NO difference. On the other hand our oldest was at p2 stage reading and writing at nursery, again it made absolutely no difference. Young kids really don't notice a difference.

I wouldn’t worry about them being picked on either. I would, however, want to reassure myself that the staff were receptive to my concerns about my child, didn’t dismiss me as being a worried parent and seemed knowledgeable about the issues surrounding meeting the needs of an autistic child in a busy setting. My principal concern would be whether the sensory environment was right for my child. At that age, even if their expressive language skills are good, they will probably struggle to work out that they are overwhelmed let alone verbalise it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t put them in a good preschool but look out for signs of not coping. I dismissed the extreme signs my child gave. Children always get tired after preschool, crying at drop off is normal, wanting it to be a mummy day and not a preschool day isn’t unusual etc but it was the degree to which he did these things that was different. I was fighting my instincts the whole time but I should have listened to them. My DC’s distress was huge.

I worry because DC is in-between, with not enough symptoms to be diagnosed as autistic, and has always been assessed as significantly ahead in their milestones, but also definitely has enough noticeable symptoms (clumsier social skills than peers, poor eye contact, super excited by letters and numbers) that teachers and parents will notice that they are different. I worry about if staff will try as hard with my child as with the others, or if they will get invited to birthday parties when those become a thing

I think you may be expecting too much of him for his age, and getting overly worried because of that. No 2.5 year old I have ever met has had polished social skills - this is the age when they do parallel play at most, and grab/snatch toys with no regard for each other's feelings at worst.

If there are only 18 in the preschool then I'd have thought whole class birthday parties will be normal for some time. And, I agree with others that 2 year olds don't pick on each other.

That said, though, if you have concerns about SEN if only because of you child's family history, it makes sense to look for a setting that has good SEN provision and a management team and SENCO that communicate with you really well. In such a small, private nursery that shouldn't be difficult but you never know.

You may find that as they age there are enough symptoms to get a diagnosis, or you may find that they are not autistic because let’s face it a lot of signs of autism are, superficially at least, standard toddler behaviour. Either way (pre)schools should base provision on needs rather than whether there is a diagnosis.

For the future you may find that state rather than private mainstreams are better set up to deal with SEN unless your DC doesn’t need much more than a quieter environment.