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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 5 year old hit me in the face

24 replies

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:23

We were in the park with my 5 year old and his friend when DS started demanding something to which I said no you can't and he hit me in the face. It actually hurt plus I was shocked as he doesn't normally do this. Couldn't go home because we were on a playdate and I was looking after the other child. At the time, I told him that this wasnt acceptable. We are now home, and I need to do soemthing so it doesnt happen again but what? What works for you when this happens? I often feel that whatever I do doesn't work, so any advice welcomed.

OP posts:
Boredatwork1234 · 08/10/2023 18:27

i would sit down and explain his behaviour wasn’t acceptable again and ask why he hit you? Was he angry? Does he need help regulating his emotions? I would
also give him a punishment (take away tv time / pudding something he likes). He needs to know his actions have consequences.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 08/10/2023 18:29

You are being unreasonable because you should have ended the play date and gone home immediately.
A stern talking to, child understands what they did wrong, apologies and means it. Bed early.
Fresh week tomorrow, don't mention it. There would be a conversation about good behaviour before we arrived to the next play date too.

Prinnny · 08/10/2023 18:33

YABU as you should have ended the play date immediately and left, now your son knows he can hit mum and continue to play with his friend likes it’s no big deal. Its set a precedent, huge mistake on your part there.

Original poster
GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:33

I couldn't end the playdate early as I was looking after the other child and their parent was coming in 20mins to pick the friend from the park we were at.

We've had a stern talking to, he will not have a bedtime story tonight. Anything else?

Yes, DS needs help regulating his emotions.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 08/10/2023 18:34

I would have pulled him out of the playdate and either made him sit aside for most of it or, if that wasn't going to work, definitely go home.

You can explain to both children at once that your DS's behaviour had been totally unacceptable so the playdate itself would have to wait until another time.

Original poster
GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:35

What was I supposed to do with the other child if we'd gone home.

OP posts:
AnotherTeaPlease · 08/10/2023 18:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 08/10/2023 18:35

Ending the playdate early punishes the other, innocent, child too.

It's one of the problems when you've got more than one kid. The punishment needs to be kid specific, not something that everyone gets punished for.

Topseyt123 · 08/10/2023 18:36

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:33

I couldn't end the playdate early as I was looking after the other child and their parent was coming in 20mins to pick the friend from the park we were at.

We've had a stern talking to, he will not have a bedtime story tonight. Anything else?

Yes, DS needs help regulating his emotions.

You could have made your DS sit aside for 20 minutes and let the other child carry on playing.

piesforever · 08/10/2023 18:37

Topseyt123 · 08/10/2023 18:36

You could have made your DS sit aside for 20 minutes and let the other child carry on playing.

Show quote history

Playing with who? As if!

Original poster
GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:39

Exactly, I was looking after both kids in the park....if my child was out if the play, then the other one would have been really upset and felt punished.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 08/10/2023 18:40

piesforever · 08/10/2023 18:37

Playing with who? As if!

Show quote history

Plenty of children play on their own. Mine would. You can make DS sit aside on a bench while you push other child on the swings, roundabout, slide.

I did that.

Original poster
GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:40

But equally am concerned that if I put on a punishment three hours later, then DS won't see the connection.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/10/2023 18:44

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:33

I couldn't end the playdate early as I was looking after the other child and their parent was coming in 20mins to pick the friend from the park we were at.

We've had a stern talking to, he will not have a bedtime story tonight. Anything else?

Yes, DS needs help regulating his emotions.

No. At that age punishments need to be immediate or they don't make sense. It's very easy for us to keep heaping on the punishment because we're annoyed. It doesn't work.

What you need to fix in your head what you will do next time it happens.

TheCrystalPalace · 08/10/2023 18:44

He's 5. That's old enough to see the connection.

xyz111 · 08/10/2023 18:51

How was he when you've just spoken to him? Is he remorseful, or does he not care?

Original poster
GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:54

He got that what he did was wrong and was mortified. He always went away and sat by himself for a bit without me asking. He kept coming back and saying sorry.

OP posts:
MisschiefMaker · 08/10/2023 18:56

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:39

Exactly, I was looking after both kids in the park....if my child was out if the play, then the other one would have been really upset and felt punished.

Sorry not to be harsh but this makes me think you're a very soft parent. Of course you couldn't have left the other child unattended but you absolutely could have bollocked your child there and then and made him sit quietly until the other parent arrived. The other child's desire to play with your kid doesn't trump your obligation to discipline him.

momonpurpose · 08/10/2023 18:59

Daisybuttercup12345 · 08/10/2023 18:29

You are being unreasonable because you should have ended the play date and gone home immediately.
A stern talking to, child understands what they did wrong, apologies and means it. Bed early.
Fresh week tomorrow, don't mention it. There would be a conversation about good behaviour before we arrived to the next play date too.

💯 this. You should have handled this then and there

Topseyt123 · 08/10/2023 19:08

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:54

He got that what he did was wrong and was mortified. He always went away and sat by himself for a bit without me asking. He kept coming back and saying sorry.

Then maybe you have got through to him. Carry on now with the no bedtime story and then tomorrow is another day.

tttigress · 08/10/2023 19:08

"no bed time story tonight" seems a bit weak compared to hitting someone in the face.

caringcarer · 08/10/2023 19:33

GuideI4w · 08/10/2023 18:35

What was I supposed to do with the other child if we'd gone home.

I'd have taken both DC back to your house and text the parent to collect from there. Punishment has to be contingent to be effective. It doesn't really work if issued hours later.

Mariposista · 08/10/2023 20:19

caringcarer · 08/10/2023 19:33

I'd have taken both DC back to your house and text the parent to collect from there. Punishment has to be contingent to be effective. It doesn't really work if issued hours later.

Show quote history

This

OCDmama · 08/10/2023 20:57

Your description of him saying sorry and taking himself off sounds like you did get through to him.

I think no story should really just be the end of it.

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