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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Working with potentially ND colleague

1 reply

Andyrourkerip · 08/10/2023 15:03

She is a very nice person and I'm really happy we met. I suspected she was neurodiverse, possibly on the autistic spectrum as there is a tendency to fixate on certain subjects, however something I've noticed is hypersensitivity and I am worried about being in the firing line.
It's not her fault, I have suspected that I too have ND traits and it's not always easy in the workplace.
However I'm consistently worried about offending her.
Only been working with her a few weeks but she's complained about 2 colleagues, one who's just started. One of them she reported to our manager, not sure if she did with the other or not.
She told me and another colleague that she did not want to work with these 2 (Pete and Jane) in the future.
We asked what they had done and both things were completely innocuous. They weren't particularly rude or offensive to her, things that people would usually brush off in my opinion. However I know it's not for me to decide, but like I say she told us colleagues and our manager that both had been very rude.
I think I feel like I have to tiptoe around her now, I would never be rude anyway but I mean I feel that I constantly have to be very careful to not say or do anything that may be even slightly misconstrued, so I don't end up next to be reported. I haven't been there long and of course don't want to make a bad impression.
The manager must have some idea that she is ND, I'm not sure what happened wrt her complaints. Anyway I'm probably worrying for nothing, just feel like I have to tiptoe around now, AIBU?

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 08/10/2023 15:13

I don’t think you should be diagnosing colleagues as neurodiverse, for a start. If she is neurodiverse and requires different treatment or adjustments, that is for her to disclose, not for you to guess at.

Also, if she is making complaints where there aren’t reasonable grounds, that will be noted by her manager or HR whether she is neurodiverse or not and they will address this with her.

You can’t really make assumptions here. Even if you actually knew she was neurodiverse, you wouldn’t be able to guess what her preferred communication style is because everyone, ND or otherwise, is different.

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