To think I have to leave him

6 replies

BeebeeAbout · 07/10/2023 22:58

I love DH, I know he loves me too.

He has always had a problem with weed, his moods are awful when he needs more. I have tried to get him to stop for years. He did at one point and he was lovely for a few months. He has since started again but tries to hide the moods - but it's still stressful to be around him and I walk on eggshells when he starts to turn.

We had a few hard years financially but things are in the up. Over the last year he made a stupid decision that cost us loads financially and it's caused him a lot of stress.

Unfortunately, he has now started on coke. It used to be once every few months but it's gradually getting more often. Around once a month. I've told him I can't deal with this, it's too much. I don't want any part of this. It makes him physically repulsive to me when he is on it and the he has to sleep the whole day afterwards before recovering in a shit mood for a few more days after that.

I'm so fed up. I begged him last week to stop, he said he would. He went out yesterday and has slept all of today at a friend's place. I know he's done it again and it feels like such a slap in the face.

We have a teenage DS and he thinks the world of his dad (when he's not shouting). He has no idea about any of this. We are both very anti-drugs with him and he's such a good boy. I feel so sad for him, that all this is happening behind his back.

Do I need to leave? I don't want to, we could be so happy if it wasn't for the drugs. I don't want to tear this family apart but I am so very fed up.

OP posts:

StSwithinsDay · 07/10/2023 22:59

Yes. You have to leave him.

Comedycook · 07/10/2023 23:02

Leave. And you're not tearing the family apart....he is

Millybob · 07/10/2023 23:02

You don't have to leave him.You have to kick him out.
And tell your son why; he's old enough to know the truth and you don't owe your druggy husband a whitewashing job.

ishouldprobablygettherapy · 07/10/2023 23:03

He needs help before it gets worse. If he's open to going to some form of rehab, you might be able to save your relationship. He may have an addictive personality, and it will need addressing.
I wish you both the best. Addiction is a very tricky thing for both parties to deal with 🩷

Original poster

BeebeeAbout · 08/10/2023 09:20

Thank you for the replies.

I so desperately want to get him off this. We could have such a good life, I don't think he's too far gone to come off. Once a month is not a huge amount, although it used to be every few months, it feels like it's escalating. He says he does it to reset his brain, that he's always working (self employed), he can never relax, his phone is always ringing.

Has anyone had experience with a husband on coke? Did they manage to kick the habit?

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/10/2023 12:14

For all of your sakes, you m need to show him you're serious. Say you love him but it's a boundary you can't be flexible on, he needs to move out and only can come back if he can prove he's clean and has sought support and maybe will agree to drug testing. And perhaps stops nights out with those friends (but still encourage him to see them for lunch or coffee or golf if whatever) But also make it clear you won't hold your breath forever.

Sort out finances eg if you have a joint account.

Flip