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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate endlessly emptying the dishwasher

25 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:43

This is a fairly recent issue as me and my dh used to work it out quite well between us. However my husband now works nights. I work days. Sometimes I work from home hybrid. I finish at different times according to my rota anytime between 4 to 6. I also start different times beyond 8 to 10am. I also have different rotared days off in the week if I'm working at the weekend.

Anyway it seems i spend all evening emptying and loading and emptying again the dishwasher. Basically my dh gets in between 2 and 3 am and gets up between 9 and 10am. He then has breakfast and put the dishwasher on after his lunch. It'll have our breakfast things his lunch things and mine if I'm at home and our cups. Usually my teenagers supper late night plates in too as they are always eating. He puts it on the long eco wash which is still going when he leaves for work at 330ish. I keep telling him to put it on the 30 minutes cycle but he doesn't.

When I finish work I empty the dishwasher sort out dinner load the dishwasher then when it's finished empty it again..I know its moaning but I just feel my entire evening is taken up with dinner prep dinner and the dishwasher. Fed up to be honest!

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 07/10/2023 17:45

Why dont you leave the night one for him to empty?

Chasingsquirrels · 07/10/2023 17:46

Put it on the eco wash in the evening or the morning and leave him to empty it when he gets in or gets up.

Get the kids to empty it.

Talk to your DH about how you feel and how it can be shared more equally.

KateyCuckoo · 07/10/2023 17:46

Teenagers should do it!

Ours do a rack each every morning before leaving for school/college and it gets put on after the evening meal.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:46

Because then my boys late night plates end up piling up in the sink

OP posts:
Clemally · 07/10/2023 17:47

I’ve told DH the sexiest thing he can do to get me in the mood is unloading the dishwasher!

50lessfat · 07/10/2023 17:47

Paid my teenager to do it however, it only takes 5 minutes to empty. Loading it should be a shared responsibility.

LaurieStrode · 07/10/2023 17:48

Why can't the teens do it?

Chasingsquirrels · 07/10/2023 17:49

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:46

Because then my boys late night plates end up piling up in the sink

Then they should be emptying it!

Everyone in my house knows that if you've got something to put in the dishwasher and it needs emptying then you empty it, not leave the dirty dishes for someone else to sort everything.

Beachwalker66 · 07/10/2023 17:51

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:46

Because then my boys late night plates end up piling up in the sink

Why aren’t they emptying it?

BarbaraofSeville · 07/10/2023 17:53

Surely it's not full after lunch, so leave it until after dinner, put it on then, and one of the teens empty it when it's done, or in the morning? Or they put it on and you empty it?

But YABU to want it to go on the 30 minute cycle as things won't be clean and the pipes will get clogged as it will never have a proper wash through. (or if it's a 30 minute intensive wash, it will be using loads more energy than the eco cycle)

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:53

He does empty the dishwasher if I put it on overnight to do it. He absolutely does it. I just find if I do that my boys come down late when I'm in bed and make snacks and if the dishwasher is on its piled high in the sink. That's if they end up in the sink. Last night there was bowls and plates left on the table. And stuff left on the worktops. I'd gone to bed. So frustrating to come downstairs to. And not nice for my husband to come home to. If the dishwasher is empty they will usually put their plates in etc

OP posts:
Fleabane · 07/10/2023 17:54

Your problem is that everyone in the house sees the dishwasher as your responsibility. Emptying it is a teenager job here. I load as my son is autistic and freaks out about food and dirt but if yours are neurotypical there's no excuse.

Load it, set it to go and get them to empty it and put their plates in.

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 17:56

And not nice for my husband to come home to.

Then that's their problem to sort out then, not yours. They could always wash up BY HAND if it's going to upset your husband to see dishes in the sink.

WillowCraft · 07/10/2023 18:02

Surely you just run it once every 24 hours? How can it be full after every meal?

LaurieStrode · 07/10/2023 18:04

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:53

He does empty the dishwasher if I put it on overnight to do it. He absolutely does it. I just find if I do that my boys come down late when I'm in bed and make snacks and if the dishwasher is on its piled high in the sink. That's if they end up in the sink. Last night there was bowls and plates left on the table. And stuff left on the worktops. I'd gone to bed. So frustrating to come downstairs to. And not nice for my husband to come home to. If the dishwasher is empty they will usually put their plates in etc

Well, Jesus! This is your problem.

Either no eating at night, or dishes used after dishwasher is engaged must be washed, dried and put away at once.

That's rock-bottom expectation of teenagers.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 18:05

No it doesn't upset him (dh). This was never a problem before my husband worked nights. And he never complains about emptying it or anything like that. I just find I leave the kitchen one way and come downstairs with it in a completely different state. The putting the late night snacks in the dishwasher is either something I or my dh does in the morning. My 18 year old is the culprit here. He says he will sort it when I talk to him about it. I say if you're having your snacks tidy away. I will he says I promise. But he never does

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 07/10/2023 18:07

Then no snacks after a certain time in his room op.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 18:09

Ive said no snack so money times but he says I get hungry alot. Although he's 18 I believe he's going through a growthspurt as he's always hungry and very slim. He always does it after I've gone to bed

OP posts:
viques · 07/10/2023 18:09

There are teenagers in the house and you are emptying the dishwasher! Please don’t tell me you are also sorting the recycling and taking the rubbish out.

Please re read the chapter entitled Using Your Teenagers as Unpaid Servants is not Unfair Exploitation and Doesn’t RuinTheir Lives, it is in the Universal Childrearing Manual around page 997.

It comes after the short section on Changing A Duvet Cover is Not Rocket Science Henry.

Skyclimber · 07/10/2023 18:12

My 18 year old is the culprit here. He says he will sort it when I talk to him about it. I say if you're having your snacks tidy away. I will he says I promise. But he never does

So then WHY do you or your Dh do it? All you are teaching him is that he can leave it. Fuck that. From this second on you tell him that he is responsible and he will be made to do it. Don't you dare tidy up after a grown adult. He hand washes it up, he doesn't get to leave it. Any worktops must also be wiped down.

LaurieStrode · 07/10/2023 18:12

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 18:09

Ive said no snack so money times but he says I get hungry alot. Although he's 18 I believe he's going through a growthspurt as he's always hungry and very slim. He always does it after I've gone to bed

He is massively disrespectful of you. Does he do any chores?

newamsterdam · 07/10/2023 18:14

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 17:46

Because then my boys late night plates end up piling up in the sink

They could wash their own dishes, and stack/empty the dishwasher. They are teens, not babies.

Skyclimber · 07/10/2023 18:16

Same as @viques the children from late primary started being responsible for the dishwasher and a bin each. That meant as teens they emptied the bins twice a week, once on the actual bin collection day. They strip their beds and put the bedding on to wash, last teen to put theirs in puts the machine on. I tumble dry that whilst they are at school/college, I wash their towels then it all gets dumped on the landing and miraculously they put their bedding back on and fold their bathroom towels and put them back in the bathroom.

Dishwasher when Ds1 is home from uni is 1 day me, and 3 days each for the 20 and 17 year old. We have had rota for years for this. They also help out with garden work, help unpack shopping if they are here when we bring it in, cook dinner. I don't get paid to do chores and neither do they. That sounds like chores are a choice, they are not in this house.

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 18:21

My DH works shifts too. I always leave the morning unloading for him to do and leave our breakfast dishes in the sink. I stack the dinner plates/endless snack bowls and put it on

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/10/2023 18:35

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 18:21

My DH works shifts too. I always leave the morning unloading for him to do and leave our breakfast dishes in the sink. I stack the dinner plates/endless snack bowls and put it on

You know this is what we always used to do. And it worked well. You know I started the thread thinking it was a dh problem because he puts the dishwasher on. But he often does himself a cooked lunch and it is genuinely full. It always worked well before too. Thinkjng about things i think It started to become an issue for me with the extra supper food I come downstairs to every single day. My 15 year old isn't like this. And this week I had 2 shifts when I finished at 6 and I came in the kitchen and he'd emptied the dishwasher and made a start on tea. He'd also fed the cat. He's always in bed during his brothers late night eating

OP posts:
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