To think my dh should be supporting my decision

tryingtostopdrinking · 2023-10-07T15:46:27+00:00

I'm trying to stop drinking, I don't drink a lot just on a Saturday night. I am on a diet, eating healthy and last week decided to stop drinking and have noticed in just a week I've lost the bloat and feel better. Dh wants to have a drink with me again tonight at home and is trying to persuade me even though he knows my plans, he keeps on. AIBU to think he should be supporting me instead of making me feel like a party pooper? I've suggested he have a drink with a friend but he doesn't want to, he wants me to have a drink. If I give in I know I'll feel terrible about it because I'll be back where I started. I know a week's not long but I feel really good in myself and see the positive change I've made.

TwilightSkies · 07/10/2023 16:48

Stopping drinking always changes the dynamic of relationships.
Don’t let him pressure you. You are doing what is right for you, and you feel better for it. It’s not like you’re trying to make him stop drinking.

gamerchick · 07/10/2023 16:51

Don't give in, you'll feel so much better for it tomorrow.

Merryoldgoat · 07/10/2023 16:52

I drink about 4/5 times a month. Just a glass or two. Big night out 4/5 times a year.

DH goes months without a drink. I neither need him to drink with me nor do I have any problems with him never drinking again.

You DH is being unreasonable and I suspect is jealous of your success and is trying to sabotage it.

MintJulia · 07/10/2023 16:54

You've made your decision. Of course he needs to support you.

He is being stupid, thoughtless and unreasonable. Alcohol is not necessary to have a good time, and what you put in your body is not his call.

Spencer0220 · 07/10/2023 16:54

He should be far more supportive.

This reminds me of when my DH gave up alcohol. His parents absolutely ridiculed him. But, his mother is an enabled functioning alcoholic.

Honestly, I'd be examining your husband's drinking if he insists you drink too. People who drink too much hate drinking alone

plumtreebroke · 07/10/2023 16:55

Can't you have a non-alcoholic drink with him? Mocktail, zero alcohol wine?

WhateverMate · 07/10/2023 16:58

If you don't give in you'll be knocking two things on the head.

The alcohol
His incessant nagging.

Stay strong OP.

Original poster

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 17:05

I'm not worried about the alcohol, I can happily have something else, it's the habit of us relaxing with some music and a drink on the one day neither has to get up.
I'm happy to watch telly, go for a walk or read a book but it's something that's become a habit and he enjoys, well we both do but I really want to cut out alcohol because it leaves me bloated and fatigued. I also don't like waking up feeling groggy and the older I get the worse I feel in the morning.
I feel so fresh and energised without it.

OP posts:

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 07/10/2023 17:13

Yanbu.

I regularly go without alcohol when DH has a drink but we still hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2023 17:27

I'd be having very, very firm words with him. You said no, so the answer is NO. I would tell him you will not be pressured and bullied in your own home by your own husband. I would also be telling him that he might to think about his own relationship with alcohol if he isn't comfortable having a drink when in the company of someone who isn't drinking.

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2023 17:29

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 17:05

I'm not worried about the alcohol, I can happily have something else, it's the habit of us relaxing with some music and a drink on the one day neither has to get up.
I'm happy to watch telly, go for a walk or read a book but it's something that's become a habit and he enjoys, well we both do but I really want to cut out alcohol because it leaves me bloated and fatigued. I also don't like waking up feeling groggy and the older I get the worse I feel in the morning.
I feel so fresh and energised without it.

You're not stopping him drinking so he can leave you alone!

I rarely drink. Doesn't stop me going out and having a nice time with people who do and it doesn't bother them

AnchorWHAT · 07/10/2023 17:29

Not that you should have to but could you ‘fake’ an alcoholic drink? Alcohol free stuff or gin or vodka replaced with lemonade or water? Might shut himup but honestly he should just accept your choice.

Beachywave · 07/10/2023 17:29

Can you get a non-alcoholic version?

CaineRaine · 07/10/2023 17:38

I’d ask him bluntly why his desire to have a drink with you trumps your desire not to drink?

gamerchick · 07/10/2023 17:50

See, I like the 0.0% stuff. There's some nice drinks out there now. They're fine if you're not counting calories and just want a beer without the fuzz. Not worth it if you are I don't think.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/10/2023 17:55

So he wants you to consume something that makes you feel shit, because it suits him? He doesn’t care very much about you as a person if he’s reacting like that.

DoesNotPlayWellWithIdiots · 07/10/2023 17:57

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 17:05

I'm not worried about the alcohol, I can happily have something else, it's the habit of us relaxing with some music and a drink on the one day neither has to get up.
I'm happy to watch telly, go for a walk or read a book but it's something that's become a habit and he enjoys, well we both do but I really want to cut out alcohol because it leaves me bloated and fatigued. I also don't like waking up feeling groggy and the older I get the worse I feel in the morning.
I feel so fresh and energised without it.

You can still have a nice evening relaxing with some music on, just without the alcohol for you. He can have a drink, I don't get what the problem is?

Bluevelvetsofa · 07/10/2023 18:12

I don’t drink alcohol any more and haven’t for a few years, DH has a beer at home. It hasn’t been an issue.

Original poster

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 18:26

We do tend to have binge though 10 cans and a boogie and me with a bottle of wine.
It's really not healthy and I'm surprised how much better I feel already.

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PeacockingAbout · 07/10/2023 18:28

I'd take a look at his relationship with alcohol if he's pushing you. People without a vested interest in your drinking tend not to give a shit about your drinking. But a partner stopping drinking can be difficult for someone with issues around alcohol as it takes away the validation and the normalisation.

I reckon the quickest way to get him to stop is asking him directly why he's so invested in you having a drink - is he concerned about his own drinking when he sees you're not drinking? He'll either stop cos he isn't and realises it is weird, or cos he is and he doesn't want to dig any deeper.

Shoxfordian · 07/10/2023 18:28

I can see his point really; dh and I are going to have a few drinks tonight - wouldn’t be the same if he just decided to stop drinking

Original poster

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 18:41

Shoxfordian · 07/10/2023 18:28

I can see his point really; dh and I are going to have a few drinks tonight - wouldn’t be the same if he just decided to stop drinking

I'm not doubting it wouldn't be the same but I'd support dh decision and be pleased for him if he made a positive change and felt better.
I'm just disappointed that he'd rather persuade me to drink.

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PeloMom · 07/10/2023 18:58

Does he pressure you to have a drink or drink alcohol specifically? You can still sit and have a non alcoholic drink with him. Could be a soft drink, mocktail or any of the non alcoholic alternatives that are available these days.

Original poster

tryingtostopdrinking · 07/10/2023 19:17

I've given in and poured a glass of wine but I've made it clear that this is the last time.

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pointythings · 07/10/2023 19:26

That's bad from him. I don't understand the poster on here who wouldn't be OK with their partner not drinking. It's up to you what you do, it makes you feel better, he should be fully supportive.

I'd be having a firm talk.