AIBU or could he take my children from me

[Brabraboo]

Looking to ask any people of a legal background (in scotland specifically as I know there’s vast differences within the U.K.)

My other half (important to note, we are not married. This was and is my choice and it’s quite important to me. I do not want to be married but I believe in scotland this means I am entitled to nothing if I leave, and I’m ok with that) is the main breadwinner in our house. He also owns our house. And our car. Everything is in his name. I have always worked, but I contribute the daily things. I do all the grocery shopping, buy everyone’s clothes , all the toys and the fun stuff. I also am the primary childcare for three children who are not yet of school age so I do have to juggle working and I don’t earn anything like what he does. My earnings are a decent contribution we can’t do without, but they aren’t substantial enough to actually provide any stability.

my question is part curiosity and part feeling a bit vulnerable I suppose. I’m sure people will think I’m naive and silly to have allowed everything in his name but to be honest, I had a very rough upbringing, was a care kid and trashed my credit record years ago. His is immaculate (far nicer childhood) he has a better job, he earns a good salary and I don’t feel entitled to anything that is his. Although I appreciate that he couldn’t have done this without me raising his children, we have never had to pay childcare because I’ve provided all of it.

I suppose what I want to know. Is IF we were to split at any point. Could he take my children from me, legally, because he is the one with the solid circumstance . I’m the mother, but he has the house, car, income, all the stability. I would have absolutely nothing. What would happen in this hypothetical situation? His family are wealthy and he has a lot of stability to fall back on. I have nothing but the fact I am their mother.

No. If the house is mortgaged, the bank won't allow you to be added to the deeds and not be responsible for the mortgage, it would halve the collateral value of the house. As it stands, he is the only one liable for the debt, so he's the only one that can be on the deeds.

@newamsterdam oh I see. Someone on a different thread told me that in scotland I can be on the deeds without being part of the mortgage.

I don't know how about Scotland, but logically I can't see how. Why would the bank allow that?

It is possible to be on the deeds without being on the mortgage, it basically means that you are an owner but are not liable for the repayments sometimes called a “non borrower”, but this doesn’t change the fact that if the mortgage payments are defaulted then the provider can still reclaim your home.

It’s worth knowing though that most mortgage lenders won’t agree to this set up of being on the deeds but not the mortgage, although it is technically possible, in reality it’s quite rare.

And of course it relies on your partner putting you on the deeds, you couldn’t do it alone

https://legal.acandco.com/news/review-of-cohabitants-rights-in-scotland in Scotland it seems you will have some rights but you will need to get legal advice and raise your case within 1 year of any separation. But really the gold standard for an economically disadvantaged partner saving their other half money on childcare is marriage (or civil partnership, amounts to the same thing) plus being a joint owner of the home.

Just regarding legal status, defo check scotland, as in England if you set up home as a family then the other partner can have a claim. My x who had no kids with me, lied about his contributions financially to my house, owned another property, lived with me "officially" for 7 months, took me to court and got a good chunk of the equity in my house. He claimed he had done d.i.y on improving it- very little bits and bobs. And I had 4 kids to house. The reason I was given that he could do this was we bought the house (totally in my name) with the "intention" to live there as a family! We were not married, he had no bills coming to the house before 7 months before we split but that was enough to get the cash. We were talking 25k out of about 90k equity. This was in 2006.

I would check re the mortgage situation because for England and Wales if you can be on the deeds but not on the mortgage, there are only certain lenders who do this though, HSBC is one. I can’t remember the others off the top of my head.

I cannot see why in regards to this particular point it would be any different in Scotland because it’s the mortgage company’s decision in the end , newamaterdam is incorrect in terms of England and Wales.

Don’t automatically believe what your DP tells you though about not being allowed on the deeds either. You need to both go to a mortgage broker together to see what they say.

Do pm me if you like OP, I am not a mortgage broker but am a Conveyancer in England so can probably help with some questions re the house.