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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder who was in the wrong re work situation

23 replies

Toooop · 07/10/2023 15:33

Two women in my workplace who don't quite see eye to eye. One of them was going to be off the next day, nobody knew what for but that's her own business. As a result, the other one was going to be covering for her and working with me.
The one covering walked into the room and I said, 'hey I think we're working together tomorrow.'
She said, 'why, is Laura not in?'
I said 'No I don't think so.'
I realised straightaway I'd put my foot in it. However then tried to tell myself that they'd have obviously seen that Laura wasn't going to be in the next day when she didn't show up to work, so it was hardly a secret.
The other colleague, Joanne, is a bit pissed off as she thinks Laura keeps having time off and then she has to cover.
Anyway, I didn't know this would happen but Joanne marched into the other room and asked why Laura wouldn't be in the next day. Laura started saying, it's none of your business, and they got into an argument.
Laura came to me soon afterwards and honestly started shouting at me asking why I'd told Joanne she wouldn't be in, saying quite hurtful and upsetting things.
Honestly was just making conversation with Joanne, and I tried to reason with Laura, saying that they would clearly see tomorrow she wasn't in and that I didn't know it was to be kept quiet, nor did I divulge the reason (didn't know it myself).
She completely flipped at me and our boss agreed I'd been in the wrong to tell Joanne that I'd be working with her tomorrow.
I didn't think, I had no idea Joanne would go and ask Laura why she'd be having a day off. There was no need to do that, and also no need for Laura to scream at me. I won't say a word next time, but Joanne could have easily done the same thing when Laura had returned from her day off.

OP posts:

midgemadgemodge · 07/10/2023 15:35

They should not have told you without telling the other person first - or a least told you explicitly in confidence

Original poster

Toooop · 07/10/2023 15:36

The other staff seemed to know Laura would be off. Laura was telling people 'i'm not in tomorrow ' but kept very quiet about why. I think Joanne just didn't know as Laura doesn't speak to her. I've learned my lesson though.

OP posts:

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 07/10/2023 15:37

Laura and Joanne are clearly a pair
of unprofessional dicks.

You didn’t divulge any private information, you passed comment on an operational issue (that you’d be working with a particular person tomorrow).

Your manager sounds spineless, and either unwilling or incapable of addressing their nonsense.

Original poster

Toooop · 07/10/2023 15:38

I just figured that Laura would obviously be missing the next day which would be noticed by Joanne and others. The manager can be a bit two faced. Luckily I won't have to work with these people for much longer.

OP posts:

countvoncount · 07/10/2023 15:38

As a manager, I'd be telling them both to behave themselves!
Sound like school kids!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 07/10/2023 15:39

Joanne needs telling it's not up to her when her colleagues have time off and that Laura covers for her when she is off. End of conversation.

Original poster

Toooop · 07/10/2023 15:40

Yeah, just feels like a massive overreaction. What hurt was that Laura could've had a private word with me, instead she shouted at me and said quite personal things.

OP posts:

NoMor · 07/10/2023 15:48

Joanne behaved very unprofessionally towards Laura then Laura, not wanting to keep the moral high ground, was unprofessional to you. Your boss, not wanting to be left out as being in the wrong was clearly the preferred route in the office, joined them.

PuppyMonkey · 07/10/2023 15:55

Your boss agreed you’d been in the wrong to tell a colleague another colleague would be off the next day? But the boss didn’t say it was wrong for a colleague to scream at you?

M4J4 · 07/10/2023 15:59

I’d be glad I was leaving and not want any sort of send-off.

Don’t chit chat with either of them anymore.

Just quietly leave on your last day and don’t even say goodbye.

kermitsmua · 07/10/2023 16:36

Your boss and colleagues are ridiculous. Thats all I can add!

NuffSaidSam · 07/10/2023 16:42

They both sound nuts.

Laura needs to wind her neck in.

FallingAutumnLeaf · 07/10/2023 16:49

Of the 4 people involved, I think you are the only one who wasn't unreasonable.
The rest sound, at best, childish.

Thomasthe · 07/10/2023 16:51

Jeez where do you work where folk act like that. Why on earth would the boss think that you’re in the wrong out of the 3 of you.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 07/10/2023 16:52

Your manager sounds extremely poor and incompetent.

She's tolerating childish, rude, unprofessional, screaming behaviour and can't expect it to improve if she doesn't address it.

You did nothing wrong.

Merryoldgoat · 07/10/2023 16:55

FallingAutumnLeaf · 07/10/2023 16:49

Of the 4 people involved, I think you are the only one who wasn't unreasonable.
The rest sound, at best, childish.

Agree 100%

LoopyLooooo · 07/10/2023 16:55

You did nothing wrong at all.

In fact, if it was my workplace anyone can simply look at the Outlook calendar and see who will/won't be in all month.

nadine90 · 07/10/2023 16:59

This is bizarre. Surely the one covering would have figured it out tomorrow anyway. It’s no-ones business why colleagues are off, but it’s not exactly something anyone can hide that they are off! Boss should have told covering colleague to mind her business and get on with it, and the one who’ll be off that her shouting at you was out of order. I would be wanting an apology from all 3 of them if I were you for scapegoating you with their petty bullshit

SisterMichaelsHabit · 07/10/2023 17:00

You have a manager problem. They are utterly spineless and this is a toxic work environment if they're all throwing you under the bus for making normal conversation. I'd be looking for a new job, this place is a shitshow.

supplycaptain · 07/10/2023 17:07

Everyone sucks here tbh.

If you know two people at work dislike each other, don’t discuss them with each other. You’re just poking the bear and building up the tension. You knew there was resentment there. You could have put off the conversation about working together until the next day.

Laura shouldn’t need to explain why she is off work, if it’s last minute in nature it’s likely something personal or to do with protected characteristics (illness, pregnancy, caring responsibilities etc) that her manager is aware of and others aren’t aware of due to confidentiality. Joanne should not have “confronted” her about this and should have spoken to her own manager about her concerns.

this bunfight isn’t something you need to get involved in. In future just stay out of this.

easylikeasundaymorn · 07/10/2023 17:58

also agree @FallingAutumnLeaf has summed things up.
While I can see why people are saying you just shouldn't have said anything, it's clear you didn't say it deliberately or to cause a fight - it's not reasonable to expect colleagues to have to watch their words to the extent of not making a completely innocuous comment that would have become apparent within a few hours whether you'd said it or not.

In a normal workplace, giving someone a heads-up that they'd be doing something slightly different to their normal work tomorrow would be good practice, not a bad thing!

Just be glad you're getting out of there and leaving the 3 of them to their ridiculousness.

Ellmau · 07/10/2023 18:03

Would it have been better for it to come as a surprise to Joanne in the morning that she was on duty?

I on't think you did anything wrong OP, but perhaps in future avoid confrontation by saying you don't know if Laura is off?

Joanne and Laura both behaved appallingly, and your boss was unreasonable (or was told inaccurate info by Laura).

FOJN · 07/10/2023 18:28

If the two of them got along then you could have made a passing comment about the followings days work arrangement and there would have been zero fall out.

The real problem here that you have two colleagues behaving like children, a spineless manager and you're now the scapegoat for office toxicity.

Keep your head down and count the days until this shit show is no longer your concern.

Flip