To find it wildly annoying that touching my own hair is considered flirting

[cremona]

Had this a couple of time recently, once where I was absent-mindedly winding hair around my finger and the person I was talking to clearly took it as a sign I was being coyly flirtatious. Once when I was tucking hair behind my ear while talking to a male friend and his wife flashed me a look like I was coming onto him.

AIBU to think it’s completely normal to push back/fiddle with your own hair occasionally, particularly if it’s long? I’m not even conscious I’m doing it until I see the other person react. Why has this got framed as a flirtatious thing? Tbh in both cases I wanted to be like ‘don’t flatter yourself’.

I agree that it can be frustrating and awkward ... But some people really do it when flirting! Even in body language they advise to look at several cluster signs not just one thing to guese if someone is flirting with you. Whether you seemed like you were flirting or not will depend on the context and what other body language the wife saw you exhibit. There are people who are flirty by nature they don't even realise they are doing it so its also plausible that you did seem flirty and maybe for more than playing with your hair. Women tend to be so good at spotting when another woman is flirting with a guy.

I think it's human nature to observe and try and read social cues and intentions from body language. You can't change the way humans work but you could try a different hairstyle or something else to fidget with like a spinner ring.

The thing is rightly or wrongly you live in a society where people conduct themselves in certain ways, actions have reactions within cultural context, regardless of your intention which nobody is in your head to know, if you know your behaviour will come across as flirty, you need to think of the possible consequences. If I saw a woman flicking her hair to one shoulder, doubless making that crooked head, sticking one hip out playing with her hair it does look flirty. We all have seen sensual hair flicks versus the pp with a mate who chews her pigtails lol or does a fake mustache with it
... the fact is there is a sensual, suggestive way of playing with your hair and there is a practical or even silly way of doing.

This!

It can look flirty tbh. Depends on what else was going on.

If you twiddling your hair when talking to a man shouldn't be assumed to be flirting (and it shouldn't) then another woman shooting you a look shouldn't be assumed to be the evils. She may just have glanced at you and have bitchy resting face. Many of us do!

Oh I 100% do it as flirting 😂

Not consciously, but sometimes I catch myself on a zoom call and I'm tossing it around like a right twat.

I find people constantly fiddling with their hair - raking their fingers through it, tossing it about (why?) - quite irritating.
I could have easily inadvertently given an exasperated look, just as I would to someone eating noisily or chewing their nails.
I wouldn't mean to but you can't always control an initial, brief expression. Like you perhaps can't leave your hair alone.

One of the worst examples of this (as someone said upthread) is young women with hair extensions constantly moving it around and adjusting it, smoothing it, just constantly fiddling. You see it a lot on reality tv shows, like The Apprentice.

Its probably an insecurity about how they look but it comes across as a bit self obsessed and preoccupied with appearance; preening almost!

Im not saying that’s you op, but be mindful of the signals you unconsciously give out.

I think as you get older you stop seeing a mirror when you interact with people and just see the person in front of you.