DH sick of me saying I am tired at weekends

[laptopmumm]

I've had a really rough couple of weeks.

Lots of events to attend out of the house for work- think standing at a trade show for 10 hours telling people about your product and having deeply complicated chats about it.

Then think about being awake with a sick toddler every night. Perhaps getting 4 hours sleep if you're lucky.

Then imagine your partner not helping you at night, ever, because he has a physical job and needs to be alert.

I'm not allowed to say I'm tired on a Saturday after a week like this ? I literally just need a break to sleep a bit. But he's grumping around and angry about me being tired ' all the time '. Yet won't ever offer any suggestions to help me. Like ' oh honey I know you've had a really hard week, why don't you go and rest upstairs a little bit, I can tell you're shattered '.. never would he ever do or say something like that. He always just ignores me or is grumpy that because of all the exhausting kids being sick and work etc, I haven't had time to be intimate with him.

I'm so fed up. I just want a supportive partner who doesn't always think of his own needs first. He's so grumpy today because he is fed up. Yet I was the one awake all night with the baby / toddler !! I could scream, I'm so angry and frustrated.

No, you are not being unreasonable.

Your DH is a selfish twat. Has he shown these traits before or are they more pronounced since DC? Often times we see how selfish they can be when kids come along and how the partnership is very one sided.

That’s because he will always be more tired or ill than you.

Tell him you're booking into a hotel tonight so you can have a good night's sleep so hopefully you'll be a lot less tired after an evening and night to yourself.

I mean, honestly, what is there to say? He's a selfish arse. He doesn't see you as a person and denies your human needs... to him, you're just an unpaid nanny, housekeeper, sex object. Oh, and you also bring in a full-time wage. If he accepted your essential humanity, he'd have to face uncomfortable truths about how he only has one job while you do a second and third shift every day, and how it's unfair to expect another human being to operate and thrive with no rest or leisure time.

He is incredibly selfish. I would find this deeply unappealing in a partner

It sounds like you both have demanding and tiring jobs, that it's the balance at home that is completely out of whack and he's not realising and stepping up. It definitely sounds like he's not pulling his weight with DC, why isn't he doing some of the nights?!

When my DH and I were disagreeing on how much we were each doing, we wrote out lists together of everything we did, then reassigned some jobs between us - so if he's willing maybe suggest sitting down to write lists together.

If he's unwilling to do this, do both lists yourself. What has he done to help you this week OP? What has he done for the DC? What jobs has he done around the house? Make a list of everything, down to making a cuppa for you. Then do the reverse, what have you done to help him, done for the DC and around the house? Include all of the thinking, checking and planning, not just physical actions - include the time it takes for each task. Then give both lists to him and ask him if he thinks you have missed anything that he's doing.

Either way, hopefully once confronted with the list of all the things you do compared to him, he will realised what an inconsiderate AH he is being and you will be able to sort out a rebalancing of responsibilities.

If this doesn't work, then I would seriously be reconsidering whether what he is bringing to the relationship is worth it. It doesn't sound like you are a supportive team right now, which is not a great example for your DC to witness.

This is so selfish. I you would like to sleep,just ignore him and go into the bedroom and sleep. If you can't rest in your own home I would go to a friend or family's house to sleep or as someone check into a hotel for the night

I'd go and stay in a hotel or with a family member you can trust to not tell him and has a spare bed for the whole weekend.

He is treating you like an appliance instead of a human and his wife.
He's angry because you aren't working at optimum levels and that means he will eventually have to step up and do his share of what he thinks is your ( the womans ) job.

This man doesn't respect or value you. At all.